Heart Fades to Black
by pvc
Summary: An alternate development of Haven From the Storm. Jack makes some very bad mistakes in his love-life and things go terribly wrong for him and those around him. Rated for mature themes. I mean it! You've been fairly warned. Completed.
1. Love on the Beach

This is an alternative development of _Haven from the Storm_ and is a very dark and tragic story. Only read this if you can handle such tales. I owe a special debt here to Farmer Jen, who demonstrated in her brilliant collection of short stories _Betrayal_ that Harvest Moon fan fictions can be plausible tragedies. Of course, she is not responsible in any way for the contents of this story.  
  
The story picks up towards the end of _Haven_ chapter 12. To recapitulate, against his better judgment Jack had been induced to take Popuri to the Goddess Festival. Although Jack has an intense physical attraction towards Popuri, he finds her otherwise annoying and unsuitable as a partner. Beforehand, he had been befriending Mary, who had fallen in love with him and became heartbroken once Jack and Popuri seemed to become a couple. Karen, best friend to both Jack and Mary, has been trying to repair the damage, with little success. At the festival, in an ill-advised attempt to relieve stress and depression, Jack, Karen, and Mary became drunk. Mary, unaccustomed to liquor, assaulted Popuri, who became hysterical as a result. The festival nearly degenerated into a general brawl, which was averted by the Mayor (advised by Karen) ending the festival early.  
  
My apologies to those who object to repeated dialog in related stories. I did recycle some from _Haven_ at the start in an attempt to preserve continuity. This ends after about ten paragraphs as the stories radically diverge.  
  
---------------------------  
  
Heart Fades to Black  
  
Chapter 1 - Love on the Beach  
  
Once Thomas ended the festival, in couples and individually, people slowly left Rose Square to return home. There was much hushed conversation as they left, some people giving unpleasant looks to me, Popuri or Mary; depending on where their sympathies lay.  
  
Popuri looked at me and said, "Jack, I'm not ready to go home yet. Could we go somewhere together for awhile?"  
  
It sounded like a good idea. She looked fragile to me; and could have resumed her hysterics at any time. I decided to spend some time calming her before returning her home. I said, "Anywhere you want."  
  
"Let's go walk on the beach. It's so peaceful there in the evening."  
  
"Sure, lets go."  
  
It was just past five when we got to the beach. We walked along the shore holding hands, not saying much - just looking at the water. It was twilight, the time when things were just starting to lose their edges and look indistinct. The sound of the waves breaking was calming. We stopped and Popuri looked at me.  
  
"Jack, the day started so beautiful and then everything turned so horrible. Why? Why did Mary call me that name and hit me? I wasn't doing anything. What is wrong with her? We've always liked each other, why does she hate me now?  
  
"Oh, Jack, I wanted us to have such a lovely time and now it's all spoiled. What's happening in this village? Everything's going wrong."  
  
She started crying again and we hugged; I whispered soothing words in her ear. She looked so miserable, and yet still so beautiful that I couldn't help myself. Really, I couldn't. I kissed her on the lips.  
  
I just wanted to forget about Mary, Anna, Duke, Karen, Rick, farming, the depression, my lost career - all of it! Just forget about the whole wretched world and find comfort in the arms of this kind and lovely girl. I held Popuri as if she was the only thing in the world, and she held me the same way. Our kisses grew longer and deeper, our breathing heavier, our hands exploring each other.   
  
Popuri whispered in my ear, "Jack, do you...do you want to go somewhere more private? Anyone could see us out here, you know."  
  
A voice of caution in my head tried to warn me that being in a secluded place with her was a particularly bad idea, with our passions inflamed as they were. I shook off all thoughts of prudence. Something was leading me on against my will. At the time, I would have said it was merely lust. Only much later would I understand that it was nothing as innocent as that.  
  
I whispered back, "Yes, let's go. Do you have somewhere in mind?"  
  
"Follow me." She took me by the hand and led me over some sand dunes overgrown with dried out sea oats. We ended up on a flat depression completely surrounded by the dunes, covered with a low dense grass. From there, you could see nothing except the dunes and the darkening sky, and nobody could see us without climbing on top of the dunes. The sound of the breaking of the waves, the salty smell of the surf and Popuri's flowery scent had me totally mesmerized.  
  
Popuri whispered to me, "Isn't this a romantic spot? I always thought it would be the perfect meeting place for a loving couple." She put her arms around my neck, and mine went around her waist.  
  
I told her, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with you now. You're so beautiful." She said nothing, but resumed kissing me.  
  
It was so natural for us to lie on the grass caressing each other. Without thought or effort we loosened, then cast aside our clothes. Popuri looked into my eyes with a pleading expression.  
  
"Jack, nobody here treats me as if I were important. Nobody pays any attention to me, the real me. Only you. You treat me as if I were someone special. You're the only one who really understands me. Jack, please love me! I'm so lonely! You can do anything you want with me, just love me like I love you!"  
  
This set to flight the last of my self-control. That evening on that bed of grass under mocking, afflicted stars, Popuri and I first became lovers.  
  
Spent by our exertions, we fell asleep in each other's arms. I woke up an hour later to see Popuri resting on her side, watching me.  
  
"Have you been watching me for long?"  
  
"A little while, darling. You looked so peaceful sleeping, I just couldn't take my eyes off you. Do you know how tense and anxious you look all the time?"  
  
"I can imagine. Pi, what just happened..."  
  
She put her hand over my mouth. "Jack, are you going to do something silly like apologize to me? Don't. There's nothing to apologize for. I wanted to, you know. We must have *no* regrets for loving each other. This is the real start for us. Now we belong to each other, right?"  
  
"You're right, of course."  
  
She *was* right. That sense of intuitive certainty I sometimes had said so. I knew our act had set something irreversible in motion. The stars over our heads jeeringly sparkled in confirmation.  
  
"Pi, it's terribly late. I should take you home now, your mother and Rick must be getting worried about you."  
  
She snapped, "Let them worry! I'm a grown woman now, I can stay out late if I want." Nevertheless, she started picking up her clothes and dressing. I did the same.  
  
Once dressed, we started to climb the dunes, but Popuri stopped and looked in my eyes.  
  
"Jack, you don't have any regrets, do you?"  
  
I lied. "None at all. I love you and I wanted you."  
  
She smiled at me. "That's all we need, then. After all, in love, there is no wrong."  
  
We straightened and brushed off each other's clothes, then climbed the dunes hand in hand. When we got to the top, we saw Karen standing by the ocean's edge, looking out to sea with a sad expression. She heard us, and looked around at us. When she first saw us, her face showed shock and concern. 'She knows,' I thought, 'her face shows it as surely as if she'd spoken.'  
  
Karen's face became sad again as we went to her.  
  
"Karen, what's wrong?"  
  
"Ah...Rick and I just had a terrible fight. My frustrations and that whiskey didn't mix too well. I blew up at him, and when he started shouting back, I hit him and stomped off." She gave us a bitter smile. "Lots of that tonight - drunken women beating on people. Popuri, are you all right?"  
  
"I'm OK. Jack has...uh...been comforting me."  
  
Karen gave us both a skeptical look. "I'm sure he has." She spoke sarcastically. "I hope it wasn't too much of a strain on you, Jack."  
  
Popuri and I exchanged looks at that.  
  
Karen went on. "Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's really none of my business what you two were doing. I can't run my own life worth a damn, I'm not going to try and run yours."  
  
"Karen, you want me to talk to my brother? Tell him you're sorry?"  
  
I joined in. "Yes, I'll talk to him also."  
  
She shrugged. "You can try if you want. I expect he'll be mad for a couple of days, then he'll calm down enough to accept a groveling apology. Or perhaps not. You know, being this late and me being so toxic, I don't really care. I will tomorrow. I'm going home to bed now. You two should also - your own beds, that is."  
  
We all walked back to Rose Square together. You could hardly tell that there had been a major festival here just a few hours ago. All the decorations and accessories had been removed. People here didn't litter, either. In the city, discarded food wrappers and bottles would have covered the ground. All I could see here was an occasional flower, crushed into the stones after having fallen off some costume. We and Karen exchanged brief goodbyes and she went on towards the General Store, Popuri and I heading up farm row.  
  
I walked her to the door of her house, then asked pardon for not coming in, pleading weariness. We exchanged endearments and kisses and she went in. As I walked away towards Erehwon, I could hear a typical exchange of sibling affection as expressed at Chicken Lil's.  
  
"Popuri! Where have you been?! What have you been doing?! You know what time it is?!"  
  
"Rick, shut up! I'm a grown-up, I can stay out late on festival nights if I want to!"  
  
Dizzy and nauseous as I was, I didn't want to think about unfinished chores. I'd face them, and a lot of other stuff tomorrow. I went into my shack and threw myself onto the bed without bothering to undress. That critical voice in my head lulled me to sleep with sweet sarcasm.  
  
"Nice work, old man! You did the deed with the *lovely* Popuri. Something to be real proud of. I bet you can guess what that's going to lead to."  
  
"Aw, shut up and let me sleep." 


	2. A Modern Sophisticated Conversation

Heart Fades to Black  
  
Chapter 2 – A Modern Sophisticated Conversation  
  
Of course, I wasn't going to get a restful night's sleep after a festival like that. The lady in my dreams had to have her say also. She spoke from blackness, and her tone of voice was not comforting.  
  
"Jack, I won't be speaking with you anymore. I just can't bear to see what's going to happen to those lovely girls...and to you...and to Erehwon."  
  
"But...I..."  
  
"Please. Don't make it any harder on me than it is already. I don't want to leave you – but there's really no choice. I'm not angry with you. I don't blame you – my companions tell me these events are larger than all of us. It was fated to be – as some of you say, it's in the stars. As long as you live and work on Erehwon, the land will be as fruitful as always. This much I can still do for you – but it's all I can do. Goodbye."  
  
"Please...come back."  
  
She never did. I've not heard her voice since. Some nights still, I miss her.  
  
***  
  
Of course I woke up in a terrible state. I'd never gotten down so much bad whiskey before in my life and now I knew just what Karen's pet word – 'toxic' – really meant. I envied the sea cucumber who when poisoned can expel all it's internal organs and grow new ones. I wasn't at all sure I could live with the ones I had. I somehow got out of bed and half listened to Farmer Fran and Jimmy saying something or another about tool chests. I skipped breakfast - the thought of eating one of those preserved rice-balls made me retch – and dragged myself outside to start the day's field work.  
  
A couple of hours into it, I heard girlish chatter coming from the mountainside gate. Ah yes, it was time for Ann and Popuri to head up to the pond together. They came up to the gate together and both waved at me. I waved back...sort of.  
  
Popuri said to Ann, "You go on ahead, I want to talk to Jack."  
  
"Sure, Pi, take your time." She laughed. "I'm sure you two have *plenty* to talk about! Good morning, Jack. I'll leave you and Pi alone now – see 'ya." She left us and continued up into the hills.  
  
It would have been an understatement to say I was uneasy. Was she feeling she'd been used? Angry? Ready to make some trouble for me?  
  
As soon as Ann was out of sight, she put these fears to rest by running up to me and giving me a fierce hug.  
  
"Mmm...Jack, I missed you *so* much! Did you miss me too?"  
  
Gosh, it felt good holding her. "Yes I did. How are you this morning?"  
  
"I feel great!" She lowered her voice as she let go of me and looked into my eyes. "Lover, you were just fantastic." Then her expression turned serious as she looked at me. "But you don't look too good. Are you sick?"  
  
"Hung over like you wouldn't believe. I'm sorry, but I drank way too much yesterday – that's unusual for me, but..."  
  
She shrugged. "Men do that kind of thing. I don't mind if people let go now and then, but myself, I don't drink."  
  
For which fact we may all be grateful. The world was not ready for a boozed- up Popuri. I suspect it never would be.  
  
She looked more serious. "But Jack, if you were drunk last night...are you trying to tell me what we had together, it was just the effect of liquor? Are you trying to tell me you really didn't mean what you were saying to me?"  
  
I wanted real bad to say 'no, I really didn't mean any of it.' OK, she'd get hurt and mad and maybe cause some trouble for me with the other villagers. But then I'd be free of her.  
  
But I couldn't say it! That compulsive attraction I had for her held me back. Damn, I *wanted* this girl! I mean - yeah, it was mostly just physical attraction. But she'd already gotten under my skin that way. I mean *really* gotten under it.  
  
"Pi, what we shared last night was something really special to me."  
  
She was back to smiles and crushing hugs in a flash. "Oh, Jack, I knew you loved me – I knew it, I knew it!" She pulled back a little and looked at me. "Do you have to do farm work just right now? Couldn't you spend a little time with me this morning?"  
  
"Sure, I can always move things around in my schedule."  
  
"Great!" She took my hand. "Come with me then – let's go up the mountain. There are some really pretty places there I want to show you."  
  
It was a nice warm mid-spring day – just right for a nature walk. Popuri chattered on about her mother and Rick as we walked past the hot springs hill. Things got unfamiliar to me after that.  
  
"Pi, I haven't gotten this far up before." Actually, I did have some vague childhood memories of the mountain, but I dismissed them as half imagined.  
  
"Well, you see that pond there? The island in the middle has some kind of mine. But nobody goes there except in winter when the pond freezes over. They're scared to – people say a monster lives in that water!"  
  
I smiled. "A monster?"  
  
"Jack, don't laugh at me! There are some strange things around here – really there are."  
  
She hurried me past the pond as if she were expecting some critter to pop out and grab us as we passed. We crossed a small footbridge and Popuri stopped and said, "Here we are. Isn't that lovely?"  
  
We were standing before a field covered with yellow and white flowers – the field being surrounded by ancient, stately oak trees. Again, I had a confused memory of being here before...with someone I could hardly remember now.  
  
"Pi, that's amazing! I don't think I've seen so many flowers growing wild in my life. It looks a little like the gardens at the State Natural History Museum. Have you ever been there?"  
  
She scowled. "In Capitol City? Are you kidding? My folks have never taken me anywhere but Edgeport – and then Rick is constantly with me to make sure I don't 'get into trouble'." Her expression turned wistful. "Jack, I'd love to travel – go places and see things. There's got to be more to life than this village. Farming and chickens and stuffy old people. Pooh!" She suddenly ran off into the field and starting spinning around. "I want to dance! Come here and dance with meeee!"  
  
I went. Neither of us were very good dancers, and we didn't have any music to keep time to, but it didn't matter. We ended up with me holding her as we spun 'round and around until we were too dizzy to stand. We collapsed onto the ground giggling like little kids. Laying there all smiles with her body framed in flowers – she looked all sweetness and pastoral innocence. But then she gave me a hungry look.  
  
"Jack...you aren't all worn out from last night, are you?"  
  
"Uh...no, not exactly."  
  
"Well lover, I'm not worn out either."  
  
That's all the encouragement I needed. In an instant, we were again locked together in a passionate embrace. It was some time before we finally separated. We lay there for a while gasping for breath.  
  
What was left of my critical judgment was simply appalled. This time, I didn't have the excuse of alcoholic impairment – I'd done this cold sober. I simply could not control myself around this girl – especially with her being so willing and eager.  
  
But...I had to ask myself, why did I *want* to control myself? Now, I'm not going to try and persuade you that I was pure and innocent before her. I'd had a couple of relationships in college where, when things had advanced far enough along, we'd ended up in bed together. But I'd thought the whole thing was rather overrated and hardly worth all the trouble associated with it – and to be fair to the ladies, they hadn't seemed all that impressed with me, either.  
  
But with Popuri! This wasn't just the best I'd ever had – it was better than I had ever in my wildest fantasies thought it could be. You want to talk about perfect chemistry – this was it.  
  
I reflected further. It wasn't exactly like anything else in life was going my way. With grandpa passed away, I didn't have any family left to speak of. My engineering career was all shot to hell - the space program was being shut down due to the hard times. If I went back to the cities and was really, really lucky, I might find some tedious job testing air conditioner compressors or something like that. More likely, I'd slowly starve on an inadequate government dole. Being a dirt farmer looked like my only option for living for quite some time. After three years, who knows, maybe the good times would be back. But three years was a hell of a long time to put my life on hold.  
  
So...why *couldn't* I have some passion and pleasure in my life? I haven't got anything else; if this gorgeous and – as I now knew – red-hot girl was going to throw herself at me...well, why shouldn't I take her?  
  
My critical faculties made their last ditch try. 'Because you moron, you're going to get her pregnant carrying on like this! That's going to impress these conservative country folk *to no end*! If you're real, real lucky, you'll end up beside her at the altar with Rick's shotgun at your back. More likely, you'll end up on the boat back to the mainland covered with tar and feathers – after they've unmanned you with your own farm tools!'  
  
I wasn't impressed. Maybe she'd get with child, and maybe not. Anyways, that was just too far ahead to think about. After all the chaos of the last couple of weeks, I wasn't thinking more than a day or two ahead. Why bother, when a fickle fate can come and blow away all your carefully conceived plans like dust. Live for today and let the devil take tomorrow!  
  
I'd made my decision. I turned on my side, put my hands on her cheeks and looked into her eyes.  
  
"Pi, you know, I really love you. I hope this means you're my girl now."  
  
She radiated happiness. "You bet I am, lover. You're so good for me, I'm *never* going to let you go!"  
  
On that note, we kissed.  
  
***  
  
We made it back to our homes about eleven – promising each other to meet again after dark, 'if I can slip away from Rick.' I got back to the fieldwork with a vengeance. I *should* have been completely exhausted, but I guess Popuri was as good for me as I was for her. Not only did I feel energized, but my hangover was pretty well gone too. I worked five hours straight ending up only mildly winded. I still had some stuff I'd have liked to get done, but I wanted to get to the General Store and get some more seeds before it closed. 'Aw hell,' I remembered I was supposed to talk to Rick about his fight with Karen – now I didn't have time. Double-timing it through the village got me to the store ten minutes before closing. Jeff was as glad as always to see me and my coins, but Karen – putting out items on the tables looking baggy-eyed and puffy-faced – didn't say a word to me. As I left, she followed me out the door and quietly suggested we meet in our usual place.  
  
"Sheesh, Karen, you look..."  
  
"Don't say it. I feel even worse than that. But you look on top of the world today, and you had as much booze as I did." She laughed without merriment. "Can it be I've met my match at drinking?"  
  
"Guess I burned it all out of my system in the fields."  
  
She frowned. "Not to mention the dunes. Jack, you've *got* to level with me here – did you and Popuri..."  
  
I was thinking it was none of her business and it must have shown because she got real snappish with me. "Hey! Wipe that stupid 'gentleman doesn't tell on a lady' look off your face!" She lowered her voice. "Look here – it's not idle curiosity. I've had a half-wild Mary on my hands a good part of the day. Jack, she's in love with you something fierce and she's going insane over you and Popuri. You've *got* to tell me so I know how to handle this. You've just *got to.*"  
  
"Yeah, Popuri and I...uh...got real close. OK? You copy?"  
  
She looked depressed, then she seemed to force herself into being sympathetic. "Well...I guess I can't totally blame you. Spur of the moment drunkenness kind of thing, eh? I guess it could happen to anyone given the wrong time and place. And you've had such a miserable time here so I can see where you'd want to cut loose.  
  
"This makes it harder to get you two apart - but not impossible. Let me run this idea in front of you and see what you think – suppose that I..."  
  
"Wait a minute there! Who said anything about getting us apart?"  
  
"What?! Have you gone freaking crazy?!" She forced herself to calm down. "You did, right up to last night. Let's go over some of the things you've said about her..." She started ticking them off on her fingers. "Shrill, childish, ignorant, annoying as hell..."  
  
"Yeah, but you're leaving out the big one – hot as hell."  
  
"You *have* gone crazy! You're talking like a 16-year-old boy! Jack, you just forgot yourself with her for one boozy night. You don't want to take it seriously."  
  
"Ah...it wasn't just last night. We reconfirmed our relationship this morning."  
  
She looked genuinely alarmed now. "What the hell's gotten into you? You *know* she's not right for you. Mary's the one you belong with."  
  
I was getting annoyed with her attitude. Telling *me* who I belonged with. "Now there's one thing right there, Karen. How do you *know* who's right for me and who isn't. I think I have some say in the matter, you know. Who knows, maybe I'm starting to love Popuri."  
  
She sneered. "Love? What you're in love with is her..."  
  
"If you're going to get gross, then I'm leaving."  
  
Once again she forced herself to act calm. "OK, OK, I'm sorry, that was out of line."  
  
"And how do you know Mary's right for me? OK, she's kind of cute and interesting to talk to and all that. But her as a girlfriend? What does she know or care about any of that stuff – really? She's repressed."  
  
Karen was going into a slow burn. "Now wait a minute..."  
  
"I mean look, what's the bottom line when it comes to a man and a woman together, anyways? Well, Popuri and I are good together that way...I mean *real* good. Now Mary – look at her! A dried-up old maid in training. She even *dresses* like she's sixty, for Pete's sake! What would *her* idea of a passionate night be? Reading the naughty bits out of some novel together?"  
  
"Jack, you've got no right to talk about her like that!"  
  
"Well, I'm going to anyways!" I could stand up to Karen and shout back at her – an exhilarating discovery! "And behind that calm front of hers – she's loony! Falling for me like that. She's making it all up in her mind. Yeah, I was friendly with her, but I never even *hinted* I wanted her that way. Popuri may be silly – but Mary's psycho!"  
  
"You bastard! That's my best friend you're talking about! Go to hell!"  
  
"I'm going back to Erehwon. That's close enough. Mary's your best friend, fine. You can have her." Then I twisted the knife. "Trying to match me up with someone – why should I trust your judgment there? You've sure fouled up your own love life! You can't even keep someone like Rick interested in you."  
  
She jerked as if I'd slapped her. All the anger left her face and she looked as hurt as I've ever seen anyone. "Jack...you didn't have to say that...why'd you go and say that?"  
  
I turned away and went back towards the farm. As I did, I could see that she'd started crying. I almost went back to her to apologize, but decided not to bother. She had it coming after all – damn meddling bitch trying to run *my* life!  
  
***  
  
All the way back to the farm, I was still fuming about Karen. Fortunately, there were lots and lots of weeds, vines and branches to take out my temper on. By eight, I'd converted all my anger to sweat – in the process, clearing three more patches of land. I was pausing to admire my work – grinning that Karen had actually done me a favor my getting me worked up enough to do this – when Popuri's whisper came from the mountainside gate.  
  
I was over there in a flash and started to take her in my arms when she wrinkled her nose and held me back.  
  
"Ugh! Jack, you stink!"  
  
"Well, I've been working straight since eleven, what do you expect?"  
  
She looked cross. "I expect you to take a bath before seeing me!"  
  
"Well, I usually do that up in the hot springs. You got here before I had a chance to go."  
  
She looked alarmed. "You go up there after dark?!"  
  
"Sure. Nothing like a dip in the springs after a hard day's work to relax me. Besides, nobody seems to come up there at night so I've got the place to myself. Very convenient."  
  
"I'll say nobody goes up there late!" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Jack, that place is haunted at night. The Goddess herself comes out to curse people who aren't in bed when they should be!" She saw me smiling and started stamping her feet while keening, "Stop laughing at me, it's true! That's what Granny told me when I was a little girl and she wouldn't lie!"  
  
Ah, country folk's superstitions. "Well, Pi – I'm sure your Granny told you the truth, but I've been going up there every night since I came here and the Goddess hasn't bothered me."  
  
Then her face lit up like she'd gotten a brilliant insight. "That's right...of course! She wouldn't curse *you*. Because She always blesses your family – that's what all the old folks say." She gave me a respectful look. "Gosh...having a boyfriend who's in good with the Goddess. I'm a lucky girl!"  
  
Then I saw how I could turn her beliefs to my advantage. "I guess you are. So, I'll just head on up there now and take that bath for you." Then I went on casually, "Say...wanna come up and join me?" I went on over her frightened expression. "After all, if the Goddess is all right with me, she'll be all right with my one and only true love too, right?"  
  
"You...you really think so?"  
  
"Sure. If She comes to bother you, I'll ask Her to show you the same respect She'd show me." I took her arm and gave her a wicked grin. "Come on, let's go. Be a lot of fun."  
  
"Well...OK."  
  
It was a *lot* of fun.  
  
***  
  
I was getting used to my new life. OK, I wasn't doing anything world- shaking, but being an independent farmer had its advantages. Working for myself on my own time doing good honest physical labor had me more stress- free than I'd been in years. And the couple of interludes I had with Popuri every day didn't hurt either. Oh no, they didn't hurt one little bit. I was telling myself several times a day that a guy could get used to this.  
  
Well, I was still poor – the money went out as fast as it came in – but it didn't seem to matter. Popuri didn't show any signs of caring – she appeared to be completely non-materialistic. A bunch of fresh picked wild flowers thrilled her as much as a diamond bracelet would have pleased some other girls. Where the money went was right back into the farm – mostly seeds, though I had some ambitious plans about tool improvements and building renovations in the near future. I was in the General Store every afternoon stocking up, and paying cash on the nail as I always did put me on Jeff's 'A' list. Couldn't say the same about Karen. We hadn't said a single word to each other since that harsh quarrel. Then one afternoon, she did her old routine of following me out the door – and, keeping a tightly controlled blank face, suggesting we talk. We went to our usual place near the mailbox.  
  
"Jack, you're still on with Popuri, right?"  
  
I grinned. "Now more than ever!"  
  
She kept the controlled expression and level tone of voice. "So there's no chance of you considering Mary, then?"  
  
"None whatsoever. Don't get me wrong – I don't dislike her. She's got her good points. But she just doesn't appeal to me that way."  
  
"Well, if that's really the way you feel, that's it then. But Jack – she's not getting over you. She still thinks she's got a chance with you."  
  
"I'm sorry – I really am."  
  
"Well, what I wanted to ask of you – couldn't you tell her that? Maybe then she'll give up the thought of you and start healing."  
  
"Couldn't you tell her? Pass the message from me? You're her best friend, who better to tell her?"  
  
She showed the first emotion of the conversation. "You, Jack! You should tell her to her face. It's only right."  
  
"If we'd been a couple, or if I'd made promises to her, yes, then it'd be the right thing to do. But I really don't see where I have any obligation to her."  
  
She looked me in the eyes. "Jack, whatever's happening to you now...well, I have to believe you're decent and considerate at heart. It'd be the charitable thing to do. Jack, I'm asking you nicely...no, I'm begging you. Please do this. Please."  
  
I thought about it for a bit. Yeah, heartbreak's no fun...not at all. If talking to her face to face would help her get over me, why not? "OK, I'll do it. When and where do you think would be best?"  
  
She looked relieved. "I'll set it up and get back to you. Thanks, Jack. I've been taking care of her and worrying about her and I'm just about worn out. Thanks."  
  
"I suppose it's the least I could do."  
  
***  
  
Karen came to the farm later that evening and asked if I could be at the Inn at nine the next morning. I agreed to the meeting and we parted, if not friends, at least civilly. When I saw Popuri a little later and told her why we couldn't meet as usual the next morning, she was more than a little uneasy.  
  
"Jack, I don't trust Karen with stuff like this. She's working on something. Look at this!" She took a letter out of her dress. "I just got this today, it's from Kai – my *ex* boyfriend!" She started looking real tense. "Jack, last summer I thought I was in love with him. We made promises to each other...and then...uh..."  
  
"It's all right, I already knew I wasn't your first. It doesn't matter to me."  
  
She relaxed. "So then he went away in fall as he always does. We wrote each other, then in winter he stopped writing me. I was so hurt and lonely! But it all came out well – because then I was free for you when you got here." She looked cross again. "So then *out of the blue* he sends me this telling me he still loves me and hopes I'm waiting for him! I bet Karen put him up to this – I know she did! She wants you for Mary. That's what it is.  
  
"He spends the whole winter down south playing on the beach with those thong bikini sluts, then thinks I'll fall right back into his arms when he says 'come here.' Pooh!" She tore the letter into bits and squeezed me tight. "Don't worry about Kai – I'm over him. I've grown up this spring, thanks to you. I used to like flashy guys like him, but now I know the strong, silent type like you is best!  
  
"So that's why I don't like this thing with Mary tomorrow. I bet Karen's with her right now teaching her what to do to get you interested in her!"  
  
"Pi, whatever it is, it won't work with me. No way Mary's gonna take me away from you. I do this one meeting and then it's over forever. I'll make it up to you tomorrow night. You know...that extra special thing you *really* like?"  
  
She giggled. "I'll hold you to that!"  
  
"Don't you always?"  
  
***  
  
The next morning I got to the Inn at nine on the dot. I've always been a stickler for punctuality. So, apparently, were Karen and Mary. They were already sitting together at a table far from the bar. I went over to them and we all exchanged empty politenesses. I sat down while Karen started over to the bar.  
  
"I'll leave you two alone here now. I'll just park it over there at the bar – either of you want anything?" We both shook 'no.' "OK, if either of you need me for anything, just wave me over." She took her usual seat at the bar and called Doug over. "I know it's early, but it's started out a pretty rotten day. Would you be a pal and gimme a grape liquor?"  
  
"Sure Karen, here you go."  
  
As Karen started slugging down her wine, I turned my full attention to Mary. She looked terrible, as if she hadn't slept in days. She also looked as if she were trying very, very hard to maintain her composure. I wasn't very much at ease myself. Several times before, a lady and myself parted company through mutual consent, and I got dumped once. But I'd never had to brush off a woman in love with me before and didn't really know how to start.  
  
"Um, Mary...you mind if I lead off here?"  
  
She kept her blank, fixed expression. "Please do."  
  
"Well, Karen has been telling me that...ah...you're rather fond of me." Stop stammering - just jump in and get it over with, fool. "Well, I'm flattered and you're very nice, but I'm committed to Popuri. I'm sure that you're going to find some wonderful man soon and you'll be very happy – but it can't be me. I'm sorry but that's just how it is."  
  
She kept her controlled look. "Yes, I was expecting to hear something like that. Karen's been preparing me for it. It doesn't make it any easier, though. I thought we had something together, Jack. I really did."  
  
"With all respect to you, I don't understand that. I really don't see where I told you – or even implied – that I thought of you as more than a friend. Is there something I'm missing here?"  
  
"You don't remember that loving gaze we exchanged the first time you came to the library?" Now she showed some intensity. "Jack, you looked into my soul then. Don't tell me you didn't feel it also."  
  
She was right, that had been a deep moment. I'd shoved it out of my mind the last few weeks. But it *had* just been a passing moment.  
  
"Mary, that was just a glance. A matter of a few seconds."  
  
"Jack, a few seconds can change lives forever!" She calmed down. "But you're doubtlessly sitting there thinking this silly, inexperienced girl fell in love with you at first sight. Well, that wasn't the first time we'd met."  
  
"At the reception line at the funeral, then. But I was in a total daze then – I don't remember anyone but Thomas."  
  
"Before that – remember Jack, you've been here before."  
  
"Sure, my folks always brought me along when they came to visit Grandpa. But we always stayed at Erehwon – Dad didn't like to socialize with the villagers. I don't think they liked each other very much. But I don't believe we met then – I'm sure I never went into town on my own. If you saw me when we walked from the dock to Erehwon and back..."  
  
"Jack, think back! You spent a whole summer here when you were seven."  
  
"That's right, I did."  
  
"And you spent a lot of time up in the mountain with a little girl your age. You and her became inseparable."  
  
I thought back to those times. "Yes, I do kind of remember having a friend then..."  
  
"Jack, that little girl – that was me! We spent so much time together. We shared our thoughts and dreams. Our souls bonded that summer. You said you'd come back for me and that then we'd never be apart again. You promised me!"  
  
Now I was actively concerned – nay, frightened. This strange withdrawn girl hadn't been obsessing over me for weeks – it'd been years!  
  
"Uh...Mary...I'm very sorry, but I hardly remember those times. After all, we were only seven. That was sixteen years ago!"  
  
She was vehement. "It was like yesterday to me! All these years, I've waited for you. I've dreamed for sixteen years of you coming back and then us being together forever. And now that you have come back, it's turned into a nightmare!  
  
"You say you're committed to Popuri. Committed. Just what does that mean?"  
  
"We've made promises to each other."  
  
"Promises. Like you once made a promise to me. I can't possibly imagine what you see in that childish, ignorant girl – except sex." She glared at me. "You and her are lovers, aren't you?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Jack, I of all people have a right to know! Are you and her sleeping together?"  
  
"Yes, since the night of the festival."  
  
"All right. Now we're getting somewhere. Jack, she's all wrong for you; she would never be able to love you like I do. She's far too shallow for that. But she holds you because she gives you something you need."  
  
She looked as if she was struggling with something inside herself, then she got a determined expression on her face. "Well, I could never compete with her looks or figure – but Jack, I *am* a woman...in every way!  
  
"If you leave her for me – to try and love me the way I love you – you'll lose nothing in the process. If you agree to this, then I'll give myself to you – freely and completely without reservation. Starting today, if you like. This very hour. If you'll only try to love me like I love you."  
  
Finally, I could see what Karen had been dealing with for the last while. There was a definite glint of madness in her eyes. She went on in a curiously abstracted tone.  
  
"Jack, I may be completely inexperienced in practice, but I believe I am quite knowledgeable in the matter. I am, after all, very well read. Do you realize that modern literature is completely unrestrained in subject matter and manner of expression? I believe that there is no area of human sexual expression that is unfamiliar to me – in theory. And I will withhold no form of expression that you desire. So, do you want me?"  
  
All I wanted now was to be away from her and this place! "Mary...even if I did leave Popuri for you...to start in such a way would be so out of character for you. It would be so cheap and tawdry."  
  
"And what you're doing with her isn't?"  
  
I felt that I had to bring this to a close, or I would soon be sharing her madness. "Mary, it's quite impossible. I *am* committed to Popuri. We can't be together. I'm sorry, but we just can't."  
  
We sat there and looked at each other for a while, then she seemed to come back to herself.  
  
"Very well, Jack. I can't see where I can do anything else. You seem completely determined to continue your current course of action. I don't understand it, but I'm helpless to change it."  
  
"What are you going to do now, Mary?"  
  
"Go back to the library and open up like every day. It's just about ten, after all." She got a little of her old wry expression back. "You know, this has been so much like a scene out of one of the modern novels - a couple having a cool, sophisticated conversation about relationships. I had just never imagined myself taking part in one. I don't feel cool and sophisticated. I feel like screaming and throwing things. But I won't – that really would be out of character for me. Do you have anything else to say?"  
  
I shook my head 'no' and she motioned Karen over to our table. When Karen came, she scanned briefly over our faces without saying a word and gave me a look of plain dislike. She took Mary by the arm and led her out of the Inn. I waited a few minutes for them to be clear, then got up and went back to Erehwon.  
  
***  
  
That evening, when Popuri and I met, I told her of the conversation. Well, most of it – I censored the part about Mary's offer to me. The story brought out her big-heartedness, she was crying for Mary all the way through my telling of it.  
  
"Oh Jack, the poor thing! Imagine, having a secret love for all that time, only to be disappointed in the end. No wonder she's always been so quiet and withdrawn. I feel so sorry for her – if it could only have been anyone but you."  
  
After that, neither of us felt passionate. We just held each other for a while - her crying over there being such sadness in the world. Who knows, I might have even shed a tear or two myself. 


	3. A Joyful Union, A Blessed Event

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 3 – A Joyful Union, A Blessed Event

As the spring progressed, I got used to my new country life faster than you – or I – would have thought, given my background. Farming turned out not to be a hard trade (or craft, or art, or whatever you call it) to master. I educated myself from the journals of my ancestors, and from the "Life on the Farm" show. Any information I needed that I couldn't get from those sources, the library provided. Not, of course, that I ever set foot in that place. I didn't want to give Mary any more fuel for her obsessions than she already had. Here, Ann was most helpful. I'd tell her what I needed to know, and then she'd go to the library, copy it down and bring it to me. Likely, this procedure didn't fool Mary - it was hard to imagine that she believed that Ann had suddenly become interested in the minutia of local agriculture and botany. But it preserved appearances. Appearances are very important, you know. Especially in a little town still mostly living in the past.

Popuri and I were careful to preserve appearances. To almost everyone in the village, we seemed to be just a typical young couple in love. I think we were a pretty couple also – I noticed that the older town women would often get that 'Oh, they're so _sweet_!' look on their faces when they saw us together. Of course, when they saw us together, we were just holding hands and chatting about innocuous matters. We were very careful about that. They never saw the other stuff.

The other stuff...well...in a small town like Mineral Village, surrounded by farmlands and wilderness, there are always _plenty_ of secluded places just right for a lover's tryst. That spring, we must have found them all. Sky clad passion amidst the beauties of nature – sounds idyllic, right? Well, I suppose it was. At the time, we weren't being reflective about the wider tableau we were a part of. We were far too intent on enjoying each other's bodies. But what else could you expect out of a twenty-something couple?

Apart from that, Popuri and I were getting to know each other pretty well. Like these things so often develop, however exploitative the relationship may have been at the start, I was getting kind of fond of her. I was already familiar  - oh, how I was familiar – with her silly and flakey side. But there was more to her than that. 

She was very devoted to her mother. At first glance, you wouldn't think it. Her almost continuous – and very loud – quarrels with her brother kept Lillia's nerves on edge. That wasn't what made her ill; the doctor admitted, in a manner more depressed than his usually merely glum demeanor, that he hadn't the slightest idea what was wrong with her but that stress was not the cause. The arguments didn't help, though. Nine times out of ten when I heard Popuri shrieking in the distance while I did the morning chores, when I got over there, Lillia would be laid up in bed.

She never quarreled with her mother, though. She merely paid little attention to anything Lillia said. I tried reasoning with her to take it easier with her folks, the only result being that she got cross with me.

"Look Jack, Rick and Ma are always trying to run my life down to the last detail, so don't you start it also! Rick I can talk back to. I can't shout at Ma because she's sick and...well, she's Ma. But I don't have to listen to her! Can't _anyone_ figure out that I'm 21 and I can decide things for myself!"

I folded my arms and observed, "Thought you were still 20."

Her face got red and she stomped off going, "You're impossible today! Pooh! I'm going to the beach **BY MYSELF AND DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME**!"

Of course we made up later – her temper always blew over as fast as it came – but things like that showed how touchy she was about not being taken seriously.

But I said she was devoted to her mother, and she really was – in her own way. She took care of her, doing the heavy housework, and all the rest of it on Lillia's bedridden days, without the least complaint. She also did most of the cooking, and most excellent cooking indeed - mostly in the heavy, hearty country style that farm families have been enjoying for millennia. I was taking more and more of my meals there as I was increasingly being accepted by the whole family as Popuri's (apparently) serious suitor. Her domesticity impressed me, and her modesty about it impressed me even more. 

"Sheesh, Popuri – you fixed that awesome dinner _after_ beating out all the carpets? You work as hard as Rick and I do."

"Well, who else is going to fix dinner? Rick can't even boil water without burning it. And the carpets – that's woman's work. I was getting grossed out seeing Ma's feet getting dirty from them, that's all."

Right after I decided that seeing Popuri on a regular basis was a good thing, I also decided that I'd be smart to try and make nice with her folks. It turned out that getting them to like me was a piece of cake. I'd drop in at least once a day, usually bringing fresh vegetables, and chat for a few minutes before getting back to work. Doing this regularly made the impression on them I desired – that I always showed Popuri the greatest respect when we were around them only helped – then after awhile I was amused to notice the impression they made on me. Once again, calculated actions on my part turned into genuine affection and I came to sincerely like both Rick and Lillia.

Lillia was easy to like. 'Beautiful person' is a phrase often badly misused to describe public figures and celebrities who outwardly possess style but who are in fact rather small and mean creatures. Lillia was truly a beautiful person. There was a simple sweetness in her that wasn't pretense in the least. Her illness and her husband's absence made her blue, but did not embitter her. She was a firm believer in looking for the positive in everything, then adding whatever she could to it. For instance, she repaid the little attentions I showed her with cheery stories about my grandfather and the village in general in earlier days. Surprisingly, I found I was quite interested in these matters, and as she was an excellent storyteller, our visits quickly expanded from a couple of polite minutes to a completely absorbed hour or two almost every day.

I found out from her that her family went back here almost as far as mine did, and we'd been closely allied from the beginning. The social structure of the village was the classic town/country division and our two families had always been the core of the country faction. Such a rivalry made no sense, of course. In a place like that, the town was nothing without us farmers and we farmers would be reduced to pre-historic sustenance conditions without the support of the town. But I already knew that people's attitudes were often irrational and you just had to live with it – and I was a confirmed believer in going with the flow. I suppose a good half of the respect I got came from my being friendly with the 'townies' but not so friendly that the other farmers saw me as a sellout. It's part of going with the flow – if you see opposing groups, stand in the middle and try to make nice with both of them. If it works, good things pour in to you from both sides. Of course if it doesn't work, you learn the meaning of the old saying, "blessed be the peacemakers because they catch hell from both sides."

So in a way I was recapitulating my grandfather's life here – difference being he had sort of adopted Lil and her husband as surrogate children, while Lil and Rick were sort of adopting me as a surrogate son/brother. Both, of course, hoping that Popuri and I would make it real in due course. In one of our family history talks, though, Lil almost aborted that project. When she realized that I didn't know my family tree too well, she just came out, pretty as you please, with the fact she was my aunt and Rick and Popuri were my second cousins. Well, inwardly I freaked out at that and managed not to blow up only out of respect to Lil (it was one of her bedridden days.)

"Cousins? Doesn't that sort of rule out any possibility of marriage?"

"Not at all. Second cousin marriages are both permitted and acceptable here. There have already been plenty between us. Last was...oh let me see...Jacob on our side and Eliza on yours about...ah...hundred ten years ago." She giggled. "We're past due to entwine our vines a little more!"

After that, I was pretty gronky for a while thinking that I'd been doing a relative. But I soon enough shrugged it off figuring that I was after all doing the rustic thing and 'kissing cousins' was just a part of it.  In fact, once I accepted it, it made the next tryst with her that much more naughty and spicy in my mind.

Rick was a little harder to take. Guy was edgy and a worrier and it made me nervous listening to him go on and on about what might go wrong with his folks and the farm. I'll bet if I'd told him how many killer asteroids there were that might crash into Earth and wipe us all out, he'd have started worrying about that too. Yeah, he was that kind of guy. But when I figured out what made him tick and then how to manipulate him, he got easier to deal with.

He was simple enough – an honest to God born and bred farmer. It's all he wanted to do – he'd never considered doing anything else with his life and he'd be happy to stay with it right up to the day when they put him in a box. His problem was simply that he'd had to take on too much too soon. In the natural course of things, he'd be assisting his father in running the farm, a healthy Lillia would be riding herd over his troublesome sister and all would be right with his world. 

But with Lil too sick to do much and with his father away indefinitely looking for a cure for her, the whole smack was on his shoulders – placed firmly there shortly after he'd turned 21 and there was no way out for him. He really and truly gave it everything he had but it wasn't quite enough. The farm appeared to be a thriving concern but if you looked closely you could see little touches of neglect and decay – things that needed doing and he was going to get around to them 'when I've got some slack time.' Which he never had. 

Once I saw where he was at, I offered to pitch in a little and he was sure grateful to me for that. I didn't know squat about tending poultry, but house and equipment repairs were along the lines of what I'd been doing before in the world – only a hell of a lot easier than building high reliability rocket engines. After I fixed the flakey electric wiring in the second floor of their house in a single afternoon, he started regarding me with a sense of awe. Add to that the fact that my visits with Lil always bucked her up and made her better for the rest of the day and soon enough Rick was getting downright chummy with me. 

He was _very, very_ happy that I was seeing Popuri – well, he didn't know how thoroughly I was seeing her. Again, a lot of my being nice to him started out as trying to keep him from getting suspicious as to the exact nature of my relationship with Popuri. When it came to his sister and men, he was _extremely_ protective and suspicious. He hated her old boyfriend, Kai, with a passion. 

"Man, the way she was carrying on with him last summer had me going crazy! Every time I turned my back, she was down at the beach with him. I had to drag her back here every evening screaming and crying. She's just too damn innocent is what it is – had no idea what that rat really wanted her for."

I needed every bit of my self-control to keep from laughing out loud.

"Kept trying to get the men together to get that shack of his closed down and his butt kicked back to the mainland. Ah, but the women stopped it! They all love him – kept telling us it wouldn't really be summer here without him. As if this town just wouldn't be complete without a meat-headed beach boy! Women!"

After his final quarrel with Karen after the Goddess festival, he swore up and down that he was 'absolutely, positively' finished with her. Listening to him go on about her was another annoyance I swallowed in the interest of my 'good neighbors policy.' They'd been more or less a number ever since they were little kids and from the way he talked I thought that he'd been doing her ever since they were old enough, though he never got explicit on that score. He could get all happy-nostalgic about her in 'the old days.' According to him, the trouble started shortly after his father left him holding the bag on the farm. Since that happened right about when they both turned 21, she had started after him to get married and he didn't want to take that on in addition to all his other responsibilities. As time went on, she got more impatient and angrier about it, and her drinking starting getting pretty ugly – according to him, she'd been boozing since she was a teen but back then she'd been all silly fun when she got loaded. 

My friendship with Rick wasn't _all_ policy, then. I really did feel sorry for the guy. And when I started keeping a few chickens, he cut me some good deals and gave me a lot of good advice.

***

When you really, really look at them, people always have their odd sides. Considering her enthusiasm for lovemaking without benefit of clergy, Popuri was astonishingly conservative in matters of manners and morays – at least public ones. She was the kind of girl who would throw down a magazine displaying the latest thing in daring swimsuits and exclaim, "That's disgusting! Those girls showing themselves in public like that. They're just asking to get raped!" It wasn't jealousy on her part either – she would have looked stunning in any of them – it was that she genuinely didn't like open immodesty. Thus her taste for ankle-length dresses and her avoidance of makeup. Her attitude was that you could do pretty much as you pleased in private as long as it didn't affect anyone else – but in public, people should be correct and proper – straight-laced, even. She didn't even like to kiss when other people might see us. "Good girls don't do that, you know."

We continued to go to church together every Sunday – it was a lifelong habit for both of us and we saw no reason to change. Pastor Carter's sermons were always interesting, even if he sometimes hinted at heterodox beliefs. And out of policy, I really got into the casual socializing after the service was over. I made quite an impression on the townsfolk then. Earnest hardworking young man showing up at church every week together with his sweetie, it's things like that that build up your social standing in a small town. And if our activities afterwards weren't so pious – well, tell me we were the only couple in history in the habit of taking the long way home after Sunday meeting.

***

Another thing I found out soon enough was that if you were friends with Popuri, then Ann came along with the package. They were another pair of lifelong close friends, and if they were not quite as odd a pair as Karen and Mary were, it took me a little while to figure out the bond between them. It turned out that Ann had assumed the role of Popuri's surrogate big sister early on, and she was the only person in the village who had any success in keeping her flakiness under control. The first time I heard Ann bossing Popuri around – it was her ordering Popuri to wash out the raw egg and honey she'd rubbed into her hair (she thought it made it shiny) - I cringed in anticipation of the explosion...which never happened. Popuri just meekly went off and washed her hair! 

Right after I saw that, I thought it would be a good thing to learn Ann's techniques. But although I memorized the words, I never quite got the music right. My attempts to exercise a little manly control over her just resulted in things like, "And just **WHO** do you think **YOU** are telling me to shave my legs! Nobody sees them except you and me and **YOU** don't have to put up with the itching! **GET USED TO IT**!" Followed by another round of her stomping away necessitating much baby talking and hair stroking later on. I finally gave up on the caveman approach – manipulating and sweet-talking her saved so much wear and tear on the ears.

So, it soon developed that I had my own little circle of close friends – that Cliff and Ann were becoming a number insured that the four of us spent a lot of our free time together. No question but that Cliff was my very best friend in the village – this bond, at least, was genuine on my part. Another odd couple, you say – him the 'devil may care' rakish type and me the serious and kind of square fellow – but again, opposites attracted as we each showed each other a perspective on life the other may have missed. 

He was the only person who I could totally open up to about Popuri, and I greatly valued his advice on how to deal with her – drawn from the store of knowledge he'd gained from literally scores of liaisons, "I've known ten thousand people all right, and I bet I've scored with a couple hundred broads - something like that, I've lost count over the years." My relationship with Popuri amused him greatly, "No one in this world wilder than a boy scout who's decided to cut loose!" and although his pet name for me in public was still 'farmer-boy', when we were by ourselves it was 'Romeo'. When I tended towards excessive gravity about her, I could count on him doing something like giving me that Cliffish leer and inquiring, 

"One thing I just got to know, Romeo. Is her hair _really_ pink?"

"Either that or she's real thorough in dyeing it."

And we'd be rolling on the ground laughing our butts off. OK, we got into a lot of juvenile stuff like that but what the hell, what are friends for. Whoever said that boys ever grow all the way up anyways?

Cliff and Ann _were_ quite the couple at the time. He was pretty amused at himself getting so soft on _one_ girl and one only. "Who can analyze these things, Romeo? It's just that every thing about her is _just right_." He was so confidant with his ability with women that he didn't mind admitting his occasional failures. "No action with Ann yet. She's got them legs firmly crossed, holding out for that ring – oh, right, it's a blue feather here. Well, supposing I just give it to her one day. Could do a lot worse than hiding out in this place until the hard times blow over." He gave a cynical laugh. "And then – well, whoever really believes that 'forever' _really _means 'forever!'"

So the four of us made a pretty tight circle of friends. Soon enough, Ann and Cliff were joining us for dinner at Chicken Lil's. Rick never took a dislike to Cliff, but never really appreciated him either. He thought him too frivolous. At least us three guys had one thing in common – a love of wine. We quickly got in the habit of leaving the womenfolk back in the house after dinner and sitting outside polishing off a bottle – or two – together. Occasionally, I missed the stimulation of being with other techies, comparing notes on the latest cutting edge machines. But being with those guys was OK. We stayed mellow and got along all right.

***

After the interview with Mary, we didn't speak again. I actively avoided places where she might be, and as she kept a regular schedule it wasn't hard. 

Karen and I, if not actively hostile, were not on very good terms either. Shortly after that meeting at the Inn, Karen did follow me out from the store, and stated blankly to me, "If you've been trying to go to the library recently and you're wondering why it's been closed, it's because Mary's been at home under sedation for a week now."

She turned away and went back into the store without waiting for a response from me. She hadn't given any opinion or judgment. She hadn't needed to. I understood her facial expression and tone of voice perfectly.

Of course I wasn't happy that Mary was so miserable over Popuri and I, but I didn't see anything I could do about it other than stay clear of her. If I occasionally thought about what her and I together might be like, I quickly dropped the train of thought as unprofitable. I figured that the last thing I needed was to get mixed up with an emotionally unstable woman. Eventually I heard that she had recovered sufficiently from her breakdown to resume her work at the library. 

About the only people who went in there to visit her were Grey and Karen. I was hoping that she and Grey would get together – she deserved some kind of break – but the way I heard it, she always treated him in a remote, detached manner and eventually he gave it up and just went to the library to read. Karen was a more welcome visitor. Depressed as she was about her breakup with Rick, she had given up her old habits of wandering the village and good-naturedly inserting herself into everyone's affairs. Now, she spent hours in the library, lost in interminable spinsterish conversations with Mary about hopelessly broken relationships. It didn't sound healthy to me, but what could I do?

Mary's heartbreak did make things a little twitchy for me socially. Anna blamed me fully for it all – as if her daughter's attitude had nothing at all to do with it – and she hated me with a passion. On one of the rare occasions I spoke with Karen, I found out just how bad it was.

"Ah, maybe you've been catching wind of Anna's little campaign against you?"

"No. What's she up to?"

"She's trying to get up enough people to hold another town meeting. She wants them to take Erehwon back from you and then boot you out of the village."

She snickered a little at the panic on my face and went on, "Don't have a stroke, Jack, because it's not going to happen. Whatever some people here may think of you, they're devilish anxious that you get that farm bringing in the big money again." She went on sneeringly, "Why, without Erehwon's usual income, they might actually have to start working hard for a change to keep their _beautiful, pastoral_ village the way they're used to. So don't sweat it, only way you could get kicked out of here is if you're a bad farmer. And I'll give you this much, you work hard and you learn quick."

I sort of regretted the coolness between Karen and I. I sometimes thought back to my first week in the village as to how we had just hit it off naturally and got a little blue thinking that had things been different, we could have ended up as the very best of friends.

***

So as I came to the end of spring – my first season in Mineral Village – life definitely looked much better than at the beginning of the year. I had a handle on operating and working the farm, the work was making me pretty healthy and energetic, I had a good circle of friends and respect from most of the other villagers and Popuri's charms completed what was turning out to be a pretty good life.

I got a little bit of uneasiness from the return of Kai, Popuri's old flame. I was kind of hoping that somehow the word would get to him that he and Popuri were no longer 'go' and then he'd find some other place to spend the summer. But no, on the last day of spring there he was, disembarking from the _Princess_. Even more surprising was that he waltzed right up to my front gate, pretty as you please, and introduced himself. Guy was fit looking, well tanned and wore a definite swagger under that bandanna, Hang Ten shirt and baggy pants. I pegged him right away as a typical jock, sub-species 'cool surfer dude'. Kind of fellow I've always been excessively neutral about. So right away, behind my correct and civil manner and his party-hearty attitude, we were kind of sizing each other up.

"Hey there, my name's Kai. You're new here aren't you? What happened to the old man?"

"My grandfather died the end of last year. My name's Jack and I'm taking over Erehwon for him."

"Sorry to hear that. I liked the old guy – he grew awesome corn and always cut me square deals. So _you're_ Jack. I've heard about you – rocket scientist from Liberty City, right? That's a wild town! You really going to stay here? It must bite after how you'd been jamming before."

"I like it here. It's a good life. Work agrees with me and the people are nice." I got in my first dig. "Especially my next door neighbors – I'm in really solid with them. Rick's a great guy, huh?"

I'll give him one thing, he didn't rattle easily. "You say so. And Popuri..."

I interrupted, "Ah, isn't she a sweetie? Amazingly pretty girl. You know, her and I have become real close friends since I got here." I put a hard spin on the 'real close' and the twitch on his face showed he copied me. But again, he just went on ahead.

"Heh, her making friends with a farmer – who'd have thought it. Well, you know I run the snack stand down at the beach. You ever get beat on the back forty and get the munchies, just come on down and chill out with us."

"Don't have much time for recreation..." I waved at the still uncleared wilderness "...kinda have my hands full right now. But if I ever need a little beachside R and R I'll check your place out. Now, if you'll pardon me..." 

"Sure thing, farmer dude. Catch you later." and he headed back into town. 

Well, this fellow was on my mind the rest of the day and when Popuri and I got together that evening, I decided to double check her attitude towards him.

"Pi, you know what happened today? Kai came into Erehwon and introduced himself to me. Did you know he was in town?"

She made a face. "I heard he was but I haven't seen him – I'm not going to, either. Dumping me like that...to hell with him! But why did he come and talk to you?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Your name came up, you know..."

"And you're worried that I might go back to him, right?" She started cooing to me. "Jack, you're the only man for me. I'd _never_ leave you for anyone else – especially that jerk. You know how much I love you, right?"

"Yeah...I'm glad to hear that. I was just a little bit concerned."

"Don't be," and she gave me _that look_. "How could I leave you, lover? You're real considerate and attentive and you know just what I like. And you know what I'd like right now?"

I reached for her. "Let's see if I can figure it out." And I didn't think of Kai for the rest of the evening.

***

So, as I swung into early summer, most of my negativity about the village and the farm had dissipated. I was getting confidant about being able to get Erehwon up and running and was looking forwards to the big money rolling in next year. The social life was OK too. Some people liked me, a few didn't and the rest politely tolerated me. Realistically, what more could I expect? And the good times with Popuri just didn't stop. Despite myself, I was getting kind of sweet on her – temper tantrums aside, she did mainly show a nice, if childish disposition.

All in all, a pretty good life for a 23 year old boy, eh? Well, I should have known that such a life couldn't go on forever. Mineral Village was just about to shake me up yet again – good and hard.

It was a pretty hot day – Summer 4 – and I was sweating out real good tending what were starting to look like some truly awesome rows of corn. Some of it I intended to ship and the rest would go to feed my growing flock of laying hens, and between the work and me counting up the money in my mind, it was late morning before I noticed something odd. Popuri had not shown up as was her early morning habit. We hadn't had any kind of quarrel the night before, so I was wondering if she'd gotten sick or something. About eleven, I was fixing to head over to Lil's and check on her when she did come in the town side gate. 

The look on her face had me immediately dropping everything and running over to her – she wasn't just miffed about something or another, she looked genuinely and deeply troubled.

"Pi, what's wrong? What's happened?"

She stared at the ground while speaking. "I haven't been feeling well the last few mornings. Today, it was bad enough so that I went to the clinic."

That hit _me_ hard in the gut. A healthy young woman feeling sick every morning – that added up to… But I played it straight and asked her, "Are you sick then? What did the Doctor say?"

Then she did look up at me with a frightened expression. "No, I'm not sick. Jack, I'm pregnant. What am I going to do?"

Meaning, of course, what was _I_ going to do. Actually, the problem was pretty simple. There were only a few options and I ran over them in my mind real quick.

First option – get rid of it. I dismissed that as soon as I thought of it. The idea of killing a baby – _my_ baby – disgusted me. And anyhow, there was no way of doing it here. Doctor and Elli, loving infants as they did, would surely have nothing to do with such a thing. The idea was a non-starter.

Second option – run for the hills…or rather the mainland. I immediately saw the impracticality of that. I was here, after all, because the hard times were roaring out in the world and I couldn't see anything but slow starvation for me there. Another no-go.

Third option – ignore it. Acknowledge paternity and pay support, but otherwise have nothing to do with the situation. The absurdity of _that_ was plain – I might get away with it in a city, but here? With her and our child next door and the villagers all regarding me as the biggest louse that ever disgraced their town? Maybe Karen was right and they wouldn't give me the boot as long as I worked the farm well. But that would be pushing their limits pretty damn hard. Forget about it.

Which left option number four. The only one left standing and no way out for yours truly. Well, I'd had to take a bunch of stuff in my life before, and I took it all like a man – so I supposed that here was one more test for me. I mentally sucked in my gut and went ahead.

"Um…Pi…I think I should go talk to your mother about this. Would you like to come with me, or would you rather wait for me here?"

Her face mixed hope and fear. "I don't know if I could face her right now. I think I'd like to wait here."

"OK, just make yourself comfortable and I'll be back as soon as I can." I whistled for Wowser to come, and I scooped him up and handed him to Popuri when he did. "Here, let this little fella keep you company while I'm gone. Pi, don't worry. I'm not going to leave you in the lurch."

She sat down under the apple tree, hugging the puppy. "All right, Jack. Please don't be too long, OK?" She was baby talking to Wowser as I left.

I let myself in Chicken Lil's and was grateful to see that Lillia was up and around and that Rick was nowhere to be seen. Lillia greeted me warmly, saying that she was actually feeling well enough to do a little housework. I was thankful that she didn't have to take the coming shock while sickly, and decided to just go ahead and get it over with.

"Lillia, I have something important to discuss with you. Perhaps you should sit down." Her face was a study as she did so. I took a deep breath and went ahead. "Lillia, your daughter is carrying my child…" and she put her hand over her mouth in shock, "…and I came to ask your permission to marry her" and the relief on her face was almost comical.

"Jack…I…you…how long have you known?"

"We just found out today."

She was pretty fluttery. "I never would have thought…I had no idea you two…but, of course you have my permission. Of course!

"You and her have done wrong, certainly – but you're willing to take responsibility for it, so I suppose there is pardon for you there."

She was settling down a little and actually smiled at me. "You know that I've been hoping for awhile that you two would eventually marry. It's just that I would have preferred a different occasion for it! Jack, where is she?"

"She's waiting at my farm right now. I think she was a little scared of how you'd react. Even more of how Rick'd react."

"Yes, I'll have to break this news to him carefully. Jack, please excuse my shock. I _am_ happy to have you in my family." She actually giggled a little. "I'm going to be a grandmother! I think I like it. Perhaps you should be off now – I'm sure you want to get back to her. Please, the two of you come here together later, all right? You reassure her that I'm accept it and I'm not angry."

She stood and we hugged each other – a mother and son soon to be – and I started feeling more relaxed about the whole thing. Then I was out the door and on to my next stop.

It was the typical midday scene at the General Store – Jeff relaxing behind the counter (as much as he ever did relax) and Karen puttering around with the goods on display on the tables. She didn't pay me much mind until I told her father, "Hey Jeff, I'm in need of something special today. You have any blue feathers in stock?"

He got as far as "Hey, hey, hey! That's pretty fast work…" when Karen bounded over with a shocked look on her face, told her father, "Dad, hold off on that for a bit, OK?" and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the store to our old meeting place by the mailbox.

Her nails were digging into my flesh as she started in, "Jack, talk to me! This isn't for Popuri, is it?"

"Who else?"

She looked as serious as cancer. "Jack, having an affair with her is one thing – but marrying her? It would be a terrible mistake. Please, go home and think this over."

"There's nothing to think over. I don't have a choice."

And her face just fell in. "Oh God, Jack no. You mean you didn't take any precautions…"

"It doesn't matter now. Nothing else to do. Just let me go get my feather and…"

"No, Jack, listen! You do have a choice."

"What are you talking about…"

She got a wild look on her face. "I'll tell you what you can do. Go back to Popuri, and tell her whatever you have to to hold her through the day. Then, come five 'o clock, be on the docks, board the _Princess_ and leave this place forever!"

"Karen, that's…"

"Of course, you can never come back here again, but I don't think you want to. Don't worry about Popuri. Even here, unwed mothers are not completely unknown. She and your child will be cared for. After all, they'll put all the blame on you – city boy deceives her and then abandons her. She'll get a lot of sympathy. 

"Go somewhere far away – and when you get settled in, send me a discreet letter telling me where you are. I'll tell Mary, and then I just know she'll come to you. You two can finally be together as you are meant to be – away from this place!"

"Karen…that's insane. Just abandoning her and my child like that. That's crazy talk."

Her eyes did have some of the madness I'd seen in Mary's. "Yes, it's insane! Everything about this life is crazy. But Jack, you can save yourself from it still – and save her also. Jack, I just know you and her would have a wonderful life together. What do you say?"

"Karen, assume I did all that. Assume that I can find a life out there and not starve in the streets. Assume that Mary and I did get together out in the world. How long do you think it would last? Look at the conditions under which we would have started. Once the initial thrill was over, you don't think she'd start wondering if I'd do the same to her? How long before she started thinking of me as the rat that I would actually be? I'm quite sure that in a year she'd be regarding me with nothing but contempt and disgust.

"No, there's nothing there. Everything I've done with her was of my own free choice, and now I have to pay for it. And anyhow, who's to say that it would be a bad marriage? She can be nice and sweet – and she's certainly very domestic…"

She interrupted, "Because she doesn't have a choice. You know damn well she wants to leave here and travel. And you seem happy enough to stay on the family farm. There are the seeds of trouble right there."

"I bet that'll change when the child comes. She seems the maternal type to me – she'll get all wrapped up in the baby and forget her wanderlust." Strange, but once again arguing with Karen was setting my mind towards a decision for Popuri. "And you know, the idea of having a child appeals to me. Maybe this is all a good thing after all – when would I have decided to do something like this on my own? Well, the decision is made for me! It's what I'm going to do."

"And what is Mary going to do?"

"For Pete's _sake_, Karen! That's not my responsibility. She can do whatever she wants. What I want to do now is go back inside, get my feather and go give it to my bride to be." I turned away from her and started back in the store. "Now if you will excuse me."

She just stood there saying, "You're making a terrible mistake, Jack" as I left her behind, her face desolate.

Popuri was still sitting where I had left her – in the shade of the apple tree, absent-mindedly talking to Wowser while fear and uncertainty distorted her face. I didn't want to see her beautiful features disturbed for a moment longer. I took her hand and helped her to her feet, and with my other, brought out the blue feather and presented it to her.

"Pi, will you be my wife? Be the mother of our child? I'll always love you and be with you. Please stay with me and share my life."

The relief on her face made her the loveliest girl in the world. She took the feather from my hand while saying, "Jack, of course I'll marry you! I was so scared you wouldn't want me and our baby! I'll be the best wife and mother that ever was, I promise."

So for the next few minutes, we held each other under the apple blossoms, giving each other our promises for a bright future together.

***

A little later on, a bubbly, ecstatic Popuri and myself went back to her home and officially announced our engagement. Lillia was as accepting as she had promised and warmly welcomed me into her family – with some difficulty as Popuri was talking nonstop and kept trying to hug all of us at the same time. Rick looked as if he didn't know how he felt about the whole thing, but finally swallowed his reservations, came up to me and offered his hand with a hearty, "put it there, brother!" He did, however, have to lead me off away from the women and have his Rickish say.

"You just better go through with this thing, Jack. Backing out would have…uh…consequences."

"It's a done deal, Rick. I'm actually looking forward to it."

"Well, that's all right, then," and started to look pleased. "One good thing about this – that damned Kai is out of the picture now, I don't have to worry about her running off with him. She'll just be next door at your place – I can visit her anytime I want!"

So the four of us headed into town together and asked a surprised and pleased Pastor Carter if he would do the ceremony. I found out that traditionally, engagements were one week long in the village, so we set the date for the 11th, then headed back to Chicken Lil's for a celebratory dinner together.

The whole thing had moved so fast that it wasn't until I got home and tried to sleep that the question of living arraignments had presented itself to my mind. My little shack was barely large enough for me alone and I couldn't imagine sharing it with Popuri – no kitchen, no place for a baby, nothing. After mulling over some really ridiculous plans, I finally resigned myself to the idea of her staying for a while at her folks place while I busted my butt putting away enough money and lumber for a new house. 

The next morning however, I got another example of how much most of the townspeople wanted me staying on and working Erehwon. Mayor Thomas, Doug and Gotz showed up on my doorstep and after congratulating me, got down to business. A bunch of people had gotten together and were going to front the money and supplies for a new house for us! No interest and no fixed repayment date! Well, I was profuse in my thanks and then we all sat down together and Gotz showed me his plans. I had no problems with what he proposed, so we all shook on it and he got right to work.

The wedding planning was…interesting. I was a little antsy about the invitations – Mary's family specifically. I could see that either inviting them or not could be taken as insulting and I was going back and forth in my head until I told the problem to Popuri. She just laughed and informed me that formal wedding invitations weren't made in the village. "Everyone knows where and when weddings are, so people come or not as they please."

Most everything else fell into place naturally. Who else but Cliff would be my best man? He was genuinely happy for me, opining that I was the marrying type and didn't have the personality for catting around. Who else but Ann would be the bridesmaid? She outdid herself in energetically organizing the details of the ceremony and the reception at the Inn afterwards, and she had everyone so busy with executing her plans that it got so I almost had to make appointments with her to see Popuri the last few days before the wedding.

It was natural that Elli would want to be one of the flower ladies, but I was _quite_ surprised when Karen offered to sing at the ceremony.

"Glad to have you of course but I thought you didn't approve of this marriage."

She pursed her lips. "That doesn't matter to anyone, does it? Anyway, this is going to be _the_ social event of the year and there's no way I'm going to miss being a part of it. Besides, Mary's _not_ going to be there, so someone has to represent her."

While all this was going on, I was still putting in full days of farm work – in fact, more so than before since Popuri was too engrossed with planning for the ceremony for us to have much time to be alone together. I slept poorly. The first night after Gotz started construction, I didn't sleep a wink amidst piles of building materials, torn out floors and half-built walls leaning at vertigo inducing angles. After that I gave it up, took my bedding out to the ramshackle livestock barn and slept amidst the dust, moldy hay and spider webs. I slept poorly there also – I was plagued with tense and confused dreams involving women in green, blue and pink lamenting their blasted hopes and shattered lives and blaming me for it all. Since in my waking moments I was increasingly looking forward to the wedding, I dismissed the dreams as just the concentrated subconscious expression of whatever reservations I still had.

A further uneasy moment I had was the afternoon before the wedding when Ann slapped her head, called herself a retard and sheepishly admitted that she had been so wrapped up in planning the women's gowns that she hadn't thought a bit about what I would wear. Neither had I. She and Popuri almost throttled me when I half-jokingly said I'd just show up in my work overalls, then Ann remembered the charcoal-black suit Thomas had lent me for grandfather's funeral. A fast run to his house and a brief discussion of the problem resulted in my having its use again. If I was briefly uneasy remembering the last occasion I'd worn it, I shrugged it off. I've never been superstitious.

Another sour note the day before the ceremony was when I went to hire the harvest sprites to take care of the farm the next day. Those guys (if that's what you called them) made me uneasy from the first time Pastor Carter had introduced me to them. They were just too close to the old myths of elemental spirits for my liking, and even if I went along with the villagers in tolerating them, it didn't mean I had to like them. The feeling was mutual, apparently. They took my flour and agreed to work the next day all right, but they didn't bother to put on happy faces about it. The one dressed in purple - Bold, I believe his name was - spoke for them.

"She doesn't approve of what you're doing, budum. She says you fouled up big time and that it's going to destroy the village."

He clammed up when I asked him who 'she' was, and I left them dismissing his talk as just more of the creepiness of the village. Dad had always said that there were unhealthy influences there that he was glad to leave behind him. Well, different people are different and I supposed I was less fastidious than he'd been about putting up with weirdness.

The evening before my wedding, the single guys threw what passed for a bachelor party for me at the Inn. Being Mineral Village, there were no dirty videos or exotic dancers or anything like that – but there was booze in abundance and the whole bunch of us got well and truly trashed together. With Rick sitting there alongside us, we couldn't get raunchy about his sister so we confined ourselves to stupid cracks about 'balls and chains' and speculations about who was going to be next. Only sour note was when Grey started expressing (what he thought was) sympathy towards me for, as he put it, 'getting stuck with the dizziest broad I've ever seen.' I was annoyed, but Rick was _really_ ticked off and I thought those two were going to start swinging at each other again. It took Cliff's best 'be cool and have another drink, guys' efforts to keep the Battle of the Goddess Festival from breaking out all over again.

About midnight, we broke up and I staggered home to spend my last night of bachelorhood in my new house – Gotz had finished up late that morning and headed home while waving the two bottles of wine I tipped him with and shouting, "you're gonna love it – trust me!" Place was pretty impressive, all right. The kitchen and dining room were really spacious and clearly built for a large family and some serious entertaining. I just _loved_ the huge refrigerator/freezer and storage locker, figuring I'd get them stocked up with fresh produce in no time, and then kiss those preserved rice-balls goodbye forever. I had some reservations about the bedroom however. Gotz's color scheme of pink on pink had me shaking my head – it was like living inside Popuri's hair. And I had to wonder what he'd been thinking by putting in two single beds! Flopping into one, I resolved to bolt them together sometime when I wasn't so wasted.

***

The day of my wedding started fast and didn't slow down. Once I realized that the pounding that woke me up was from the door rather than my head, I let Cliff in. He had a passable suit draped over his arm, 'thrift store special' and we took our time getting dressed and groomed, 'best to avoid sudden motions after getting blitzed like that, Romeo.' He got me loosened up and laughing with a string of really nasty wedding night jokes that he'd not dared to get off within earshot of Rick, then we were off to the chapel to keep my eleven hundred hours appointment with fate.

We hadn't had a rehearsal, so I didn't know that the bride and her attendants prepped in the church – Ann intercepted me as I opened the door and nearly blew out my eardrums telling me to park it outside because there was no way I was going to see Popuri until launch time. Came the stroke of eleven, Pastor Carter appeared in the door and waved us in, and we were off.

Cliff and I took our position at the end of the aisle and looked over the crowd looking back at us – about three quarters of the village were seated in the pews. A bustle of activity from a side door caught our attention and we turned in time to see Rick and Lillia leading in a radiant Popuri.

I'd always thought that she was the most stunning girl who'd ever let me get within arm's length of her without slapping me silly – but seeing her in that flowing white gown and veil, her face just glowing with anticipation – oh man! Just for a bit there, I panicked at the thought of tying the knot with someone that gorgeous and I had the wild urge to bolt and run for the woods. That passed as they came up to me – Popuri bussed her mother and brother on the cheek, Rick executed the hand-off with a whispered 'She's all yours now – good luck!' and we did the trek up the aisle together towards a waiting Pastor Carter.

How many grooms actually pay careful attention to the ceremonial language? I mean, the words are pretty much the same everywhere and we all know their exact meaning. The two of you together – and nobody else – for life. Promising the same before God and a whole lot of people who are going to hold you to it. All familiar and standard issue, so I kind of let my mind wander back to how I'd gotten here.

There were memories of a lovely country girl, crying her eyes out by a pond over a dead chicken and pouring out her childish grief to me, a total stranger. Memories of how she'd grabbed on to me and arranged our first date at the Goddess Festival before I'd realized what was happening. Memories of my doubts and uncertainties leading up to the festival; produced by what I now saw was a misguided attachment to Mary. The chaos of the festival itself, and our (on my part) alcohol driven coupling afterwards. Memories of how our relationship had started as, well, frankly each of us using the other for pleasure. And then how we'd grown fond of each other despite ourselves.

But it had still taken a child – our love child – to bring us to this place. I marveled how easily I'd accepted what was after all a forced marriage. But I understood now – I actually wanted this baby like I'd wanted few things before in my life. With the passing of my parents and grandfather, I had stood alone in the world – the last of my line, with no one left behind me. I couldn't do anything about that, but now there would be one – and hopefully more - in front of me.

Looking back on it all – and ahead at what was to come – I realized I was completely happy to be here, about to be joined in matrimony to the soon to be mother of my child. I smiled to myself – this beautiful pink-haired witch had stolen my heart clean away…Huh? Oh, yeah…

"I do."

***

My wife and I got a round of good-natured applause as we exchanged our first married kiss, then we went back down the aisle together to the swing of Karen's truly awesome singing. I'd had a paranoid flash that she'd try to sour things with an inappropriate song selection, but she'd played it straight by choosing _Ideal Devotion_ (a romantic standard of the late 2010's, for those of you too young to remember.) Everyone followed us out of the church and it was a real hurly-burly of congratulations standing out there with people pumping my hand and kissing Popuri until Ann's shouted question, "Is anyone hungry? Thirsty?" got us all moving to the next stop. 

If you ever want to get married in Mineral Village, you'd better be all right with leading a procession because that's how you move from event to event – you and your bride leading the way and all the well wishers following close behind talking up a blue streak. Our trek was a short one – to the Inn, where tables groaning with just about every dish Doug and Ann knew how to make were waiting for us. Well, I've always held that free food tastes best and Popuri seemed to agree as we both piled our plates high and sat down to enjoy a world-class feast – with some difficulty as of course we were constantly being interrupted with people coming up to us to chat.

There was also an open bar, and if I refrained from indulging out of consideration to Popuri (and also that I'd had plenty enough the night before,) it didn't stop just about everyone else from getting well lubricated. Popuri and I did join in the traditional wedding toast – Duke came up and carefully filled our glasses from a bottle he was cradling, "From me and Manna to you – Aja wine – among the world's best!" Perhaps, but after the toast, Ann came up, sniffed our glasses and grumped, "Hmph! An off-year vintage, now why am I not surprised!"

The celebration was leisurely – eating, drinking and dancing took up the whole afternoon and yes, we even did the conga line thing. Elli fielded the tossed bouquet like a pro and then everyone roared with laughter at Doctor's expression when I neatly rang his hand with Popuri's garter. But of course, not all was sweetness and light. Karen quickly got three sheets to the wind and stayed that way the whole afternoon. It didn't stop her from pulling me out of my chair and skillfully leading us through a dance, but it did loosen her tongue.

"Well Jack, you've made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Just don't come crying to me when things start going badly!"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

The other incident that could have caused a general blowout but didn't was when Mary came in the door about three-thirty wearing that forced blank expression of hers. Karen wobbled right over to her and tried to act as her protector.

"Mary, you really shouldn't be here. Go on home and I'll come see you later."

"It's all right, Karen. I'm not going to cause a fuss. I just had to see it with my own eyes."

But she didn't really need protection. She walked right over to where Popuri and I were seated, gave us a thin smile and spoke in a deliberate voice.

"Jack, Popuri – congratulations. I hope the two of you are happy together, and I really mean that," and she turned around and went out again without waiting for us to say anything.

The party continued until twilight, when people started shouting, more or less ribaldly, that we still had a lot ahead of us and should be getting home. Once again, we led the procession through Rose Square and up farm row to the gates of Erehwon. We all waved goodnight to each other, then I picked up Popuri and carried her through the door of our new home.

She just _loved_ the house. The long day hadn't drained her of energy – she was bubbling and bouncing around examining everything and already planning out the whole season's dinner parties for her folks and Ann and Cliff. Well, we soon enough made our way into the bedroom. Surprise – she thought Gotz's pink paint and wallpaper were just fine and dandy, and she gravitated right to her vanity table; even if she didn't use make-up, she was devoted to the hundred strokes with the hairbrush thing every morning and evening.

Well, after she'd satisfied herself about her new home, we kind of found ourselves in each other's arms doing the newlywed promises bit.

"Jack, I know I'm often thoughtless and selfish, and I'm sorry. I'm going to change, really I am. I'm going to make you the best wife that ever was."

"I know you are. You know, I'm kind of regretful over the rough start we had. I was, well, using you for awhile there and I'm sorry."

"Don't worry yourself over it, all that's behind us. This is our new beginning. But there is one thing _I_ regret about all that. Now, our wedding night isn't as special as it could have been."

"Ah, I beg to differ there." I gave her _that look_. "We're about to try something new for us."

She looked puzzled. "What's that?"

"We've never done it in bed before."

"That's right!" She returned my look. "Well, lover, what are we waiting for?"

"Not a damn thing," and I reached for the light.


	4. Newly Wedded Bliss

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 4 – Newly Wedded Bliss

Well, everyone says that one of the hardest things about marriage is getting used to living with each other. It doesn't matter how well you think you know your spouse, inevitably there are _surprises._ The only reservation that Lillia had about us is that we'd only known each other a season and a half. "Most marriages here, the boy and girl have grown up together and often have been sweethearts from childhood. And even then, the adjustment can be difficult. You and her are going to have a lot of learning about each other to do – and quickly." I started climbing up that steep learning curve on our first full day together.

Our first day of marriage started out just fine. We stayed in bed late – and not sleeping in either; after all, it was the nearest we were going to get to a honeymoon for a good long while. I'd managed to get some eggs and vegetables into the refrigerator the previous day, and Popuri fixed us one of her excellently heavy country breakfasts. Over the table, she asked me if she could go back to her folks' home everyday and do some of the housework for them. I couldn't see any reason why not – it's not as if our house would keep her busy all day so I gave my permission with the proviso that she call on Rick for any heavy lifting – as she would call on me for it here. So about eleven, while I was out in the fields, I saw her leave the house and head over to Chicken Lil's.

She _did_ go over there and tend to the house while talking to her mother, all right. But then she went and did what I considered a characteristically Popuri-ish thing. In the mid-afternoon, she went on into town and right into Rose Square where Sasha, Anna and Manna were having their daily gossip session. Way I heard it, she just walked right up to them and cheerfully announced that she was expecting in the early Winter – just as matter of factly as if she'd told them how many tomatoes we'd shipped that day.

First I heard of it was when I went into the General Store for my usual late afternoon shopping. I thought Jeff was smirking a little as we talked, but it was Karen who followed me out, shook my hand and doubled-down on the irony.

"Let me be the first to congratulate you, Pappy!"

"Huh? You already knew about that."

"Yeah, but now the whole town knows," and she went on to explain.

I…well, I freaked. To me, this was way beyond her normally harmless flakiness. I'd spent a season and a half working hard to present myself to the villagers as a solid, responsible person – and here she had blown it all away in a 5-minute talk with Manna! I ran back home fuming, burst into the house, found her in the kitchen slicing up some potatoes and confronted her with the matter. That wasn't a good idea, but I was out of control and she quickly got that way also. After a few minutes of shouting at each other so loudly that I was amazed Rick didn't come over to break it up, we ended up holding each other with her crying and me half-heartedly apologizing.

"Jack, people are going to know soon enough anyhow. I'll start showing in awhile and people can count seasons."

"Yeah, I suppose. But it's going to ruin my reputation here."

"No it's not, because you married me – without anyone making you, either. That makes it all right with them."

Well, we made up in the usual way but I was pretty uneasy just the same. For the next few days, whenever I met anyone I was expecting to get scornful comments, nasty looks, snubs, whatever. And what I actually got was…nothing! In fact, people seemed to have more respect for me than I'd seen before. Popuri had called it right, and then Karen in one of her cynical asides showed me the rest of it.

"People were happy enough you marrying her, thinking that would make you put your roots down in that farm. But a baby on the way…they're delirious with joy over that! Now you're really tied down. You'll be working Erehwon for the next twenty or so years – keeping them all in the style they're accustomed to." She smirked. "You really know how to totally commit yourself, eh?"

I was hoping that that incident was unique – a matter of revealing _the_ big secret of our marriage to the village – and with that behind us, we would have no more major problems with each other. Well, in those days, I was a hopeless optimist.

* * *

Certainly people change after they are married – how could they not, living on such intimate terms with someone new. What catches people is thinking that they are in control of these changes in themselves. And what especially throws people is thinking that they can produce the changes that they desire in their spouse.

It was three days after the wedding that Popuri started her campaign. At least she had the wit to start out soft and sweet – choosing to wait until, well, the late evening's afterglow to broach the matter.

"Jack, do you ever miss the life that you had before in the city?"

I couldn't say that I hadn't been warned – and in the back of my mind I was kind of expecting this.

"Which city? My old hometown of Capitol City, or Liberty City?"

"Either of them. Living here must be so boring to you after all that excitement. Don't you ever think of going back?"

"Like I told you before, there's nothing for me to go back to. They're not building spacecraft anymore. Only thing that might be open to me is grad school. And do you have any idea how hard the life of a grad student's wife is if you don't have money? Especially with a baby on the way. We're much better off here."

"You could get another kind of job, I'm sure. You're smart; you could make lots of money out there. You should have more confidence in yourself."

"I'd be competing with tens of millions of others looking for any kind of work. Be real chancy. This farm is a sure thing." She looked skeptical and I tried to explain to her what a depression in an industrial/commercial country meant. It was wasted effort on my part – after all, this was a girl who'd not even known what a bank was before I'd told her!

When she didn't understand something, she got impatient, then cranky. "Jack, you're just being difficult! Surely it can't be as bad as that. Pooh! This is the best country on earth; people don't starve here. I've never seen anyone go without essentials."

"That's because you've never been out of this village – see what a good place this is?"

Wrong thing to say! That really got her going; she went on for what seemed like hours about how sick she was of the village and its people. She finally ended up crying that if I really loved her, I wouldn't keep her locked up in a place she hated. I held her and tried to ease her mind with vague promises.

"Look Pi, when I get this place back into shape and the money really starts coming in – say towards the end of next year – we'll do some traveling together. And by then, the baby will be old enough to stand it also."

She sniffled. "You really mean it?"

"Of course I do. I promise. Look, let's start planning it out now. How'd you like to dine at the roof gardens on top of the Acme Insurance building? We can see the city lights spread out for kilometers and kilometers as we dance all night long under the stars…"

That didn't resolve the matter, of course. She kept coming back to the issue, and each time my 'someday over the rainbow' routine impressed her less and less. She got more impatient with my talk as time went on, and her response was to get shriller. Then she started in on the petty faultfinding. Only nothing was really petty to her. Something like my inadvertently putting my cap on her vanity table rather than on the front door peg 'where it belongs!' would set her off like I'd been sleeping with every woman in the village. Her attitude was fraying my nerves and I soon enough got to where I was returning her snapping and shouting in full.

"Popuri, why the _hell_ don't you wait a minute for me to finish reading this before you wipe the table!"

"Because I've got to get the crumbs _you leave behind_ cleaned up before the bugs get in here! You eat like a pig, you know!"

-or-

"Jack, get that dog **_out_** of here!"

"I thought you liked Wowser. You said you liked animals."

"Yes, when they're outside where they belong. You didn't even housetrain this puppy! He's always peeing all over the floor! It's disgusting!"

One thing that really got to me was when she started complaining about my books on display in the living room. She _could_ read, but rarely did – when we brought her things over from Lil's, there wasn't a single book among them. She had no liking at all for my library, and it became another thing for her to campaign about. It was another thing that rubbed me the wrong way.

"Popuri! Some of those books are the journals of my ancestors. Some of them are two-three hundred years old. What do you want me to do, throw them out? It's **_not_** going to happen!"

"I'm not asking you to throw them out! But why do we have to keep them in the living room? They're ugly! And they collect dust, too. If they're so old and important, why don't you give them to the library? Or store them in the barn, anywhere else but here. Why do you need books that old anyways? Aren't they out of date? And what about your school books?" She waved around my copy of _Hypergolic Propellants – Principles and Practice_. "Why do you keep this? You're not working on that stuff anymore."

"For that matter, why do you keep 53 different headbands in the dresser?"

"That's different! I use those!"

We did always make up our quarrels – in bed, of course. At least that was the one part of our marriage where we had no problems at all. We lusted for each other just as much as we had that first night on the beach. But you can't spend all your waking hours doing the dirty – apart from that little matter of working for a living…well, a guy can only do so much service along those lines. We're not made of steel, you know. And it was getting so that whenever we weren't in each other's arms, we were at each other's throats.

* * *

In the country, people tend to drop in on each other unannounced. They call it 'being neighborly.' We certainly had our share of visitors – especially around dinnertime as Popuri's skill with any recipe involving eggs was well known. We welcomed them all warmly – she liked playing hostess and I enjoyed my waxing social standing. Besides, it gave us an excuse to put our incessant bickering on hold and put on the face of a happy newlywed couple. Our guests were interested in how our newly married life was coming along and in my progress on the farm – not necessarily in that order, either! One afternoon however, we had a most unexpected visitor. I answered the knock at the door to find Mary standing there.

"Mary? What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you? Would you like to come in?"

She smiled thinly. "Thanks no, I'm just staying for a moment. Actually, I came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye? Where are you going?" At this point, Popuri had come out of the kitchen and was standing bedside me, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Oh, hello Popuri. I'm going off to college, the state university. My parents old alma mater – yours too, as I remember."

"That's wonderful news! But I hadn't heard anything about this. When did you decide to do it?"

"A couple of weeks ago. You contributed to it, you know. Remember the first time we talked at the library, when you said I was still young enough to go? Well, I've been thinking over the fact that my life here really isn't going anywhere. I mean, being the librarian in a small town where nobody reads – what's the point of that?

"The main concern I had was that I wouldn't be admitted, never having gone to school and all. But when I mentioned the matter to Dad, he brought it up to some of his contacts there and it turns out that they do have an admissions program for home-schooled people. I had to take a battery of tests – Thomas proctored them – and I guess I did OK because they accepted me."

"I'm so happy for you! When are you starting?"

"Next Monday. My folks are going with me to help me get settled in – we're leaving this afternoon. I'll be taking a couple of weeks of orientation classes before the regular semester starts. I've already got a part-time job lined up at the main library." She giggled. "Working in a real library for a change, I'm looking forward to it. And I already know what I'll be taking – I'll major in library science and minor in English lit. Big surprise, huh?"

We chatted about the university and its life for a little. We ended up with her asking questions about the campus and jotting down my answers in a notebook.

"…oh, and if you do take the campus dining plan, try to eat at the Northgate cafeteria whenever possible. Especially on Fridays – those codfish balls are awesome!"

She talked while scribbling. "I'll keep that in mind. Well, that's all the questions I can think of. Is there anyone there you'd like me to look up for you?"

"If you ever happen to pass by the Alan B. Shepard Hall – that's where the Aero/Astro department is – you might go in and tell Dr. Jenkins that I sent my best wishes."

She scribbled. "…Alan B. Shepard Hall…Dr. Jenkins…right." She closed her notebook and gave us a wistful smile. "Well, I'd better be on my way back home now. I've got to finish packing before the _Princess_ gets here. Popuri…I'm going to miss you. Even if we weren't as close as we should have been, you've always inspired me with your cheerfulness." They hugged briefly, separated and she went on. "You take good care of yourself…and that baby…and please take especially good care of Jack."

"You know I will. You have a good life in the city, now."

"I'll certainly try." She turned to me, hesitated and offered her hand. I took it and we held on for a bit. "Jack, I'm glad that I knew you. I wish you all the success and happiness in the world."

"And you also, Mary. I look forward to reading your novels as you publish them."

So we said our last goodbyes and she turned and walked slowly and deliberately back into town. We watched her for a bit, then Popuri turned to me and said, "I think she's still in love with you."

"I know she is. Well, it's best for her this way. She can make a new life for herself and forget all about me. I'm happy for her."

We went back into our house with our arms around each other's waists and didn't quarrel for the rest of the day.

* * *

Mary's leaving the village pretty much completed Karen's social isolation. She confined herself to working in the store, brooding alone at the beach or at the Goddess pond, and then passing out drunk in the Inn every night.

She'd become the target of most of the malicious gossip of the townsfolk – sharks prefer to go after the wounded, they say. Mostly they were scornful of her for not being able to keep Rick attached to her, and for her letting herself go in drink. People being as they are though, once tongues start wagging they never stop at the known facts. They have to speculate. Like I learned when I dropped into the clinic one afternoon and found Manna and Elli deep in discussion.

"…Well Elli, you know Karen was more depressed by Mary's leaving than she was from breaking up with Rick. What else am I supposed to think?"

"No! I refuse to believe that. They were just very good friends. People don't _do_ that kind of thing here!"

"People like you and I, certainly. But you know both of them were always a bit odd. Surely you haven't forgotten the time Mary got delusional from eating those strange mushrooms of hers…"

If Manna was the queen of nasty innuendo – well, she only persisted in it because others were willing to participate. A lot of dirty mindedness hides behind those wholesome small town facades, I kid you not.

One day I saw Karen sitting by the pond as I went there to forage. She looked so desolate that I wanted to talk with her and try to cheer her up. She was having none of it – when she heard me coming she turned around and glowered at me, her face saying 'stay the hell away from me' more eloquently than words ever could have. I stayed away from her. It saddened me that someone I had liked and admired disliked me so intensely, but there was nothing I could do about it. I ended up staying clear of her as much as possible and she seemed to like it that way.

* * *

One habit Popuri started right after we set up housekeeping was one I'd heard was not uncommon among country folk. She'd turn on the television first thing in the morning and kept it on until we went to bed – actually, if I hadn't turned it off then, she'd probably have left it on all night too. It's not as if she was sitting in front of it all day watching, she rarely did that. In fact, she didn't seem to pay much attention to it. One time, when I knew she'd had the weather channel on for several hours, I asked her what the forecast for the next day was and she hadn't a clue! It just seemed to be comforting to her to have it droning in the background. But every now and then, she did pay attention to it.

I guess just about everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when they first heard the news. I was harvesting tomatoes – in fact, I had 26 of them in the basket when Popuri came out of the house and called to me.

"Jack, I think you should come in here and see this."

"What's that?"

"Your spaceship – they don't know where it is."

"What?!"

"They've lost it and they can't find it – I don't understand all of what they're saying."

I dropped everything and ran into the living room, where the news channel had gone live to Mission Control. It sounded pretty damn grim.

"Flight, comm."

"Go comm."

"The level 3 codes on the Goldstone feed all give null results. They're not transmitting. Even if they were just on the omni at 0.1% power, we'd see it."

"Rog. Any recommendations?"

"Keep transmitting in the blind and hope they can hear us while they're fixing it."

"Do it. Go continuous."

A very upset looking network science correspondent broke in.

"To recap for those of you who have just joined us, 53 minutes ago all communications with the Venture One spacecraft were lost. All channels – data, video and voice – went out simultaneously with no warning. The controllers here have been going over the telemetry data prior to the comm dropout, looking for some clue as to what happened, but so far have seen nothing…"

I forgot about the farm work and spent the rest of the day – and much of the night - glued to the tube. There was a lot more talk, of course, but that was the whole story right there. The spacecraft – and its crew of 44 men and women – was never heard from again. The great adventure of the early 21st century had ended in…dead silence. To this day, nobody knows if it courses its eternal orbit around the sun as a derelict ghost ship or merely as a cloud of radioactive debris.

I slept poorly that night, and when I did, I dreamt. I dreamt of that glittering white clean room in Liberty City that had been the center of my life for three years. I dreamt of a gleaming new rocket engine – the pride of 21st century technology – being lowered into its transport pod. But the pod was already full – overflowing with blood and mangled body parts.

* * *

It started with Manna's gossip as that kind of thing so often did. I was passing by – but not through - Rose Square one afternoon on my way to the clinic to get some vitamins for Popuri. Even though I was out of their sight, something in the air that day carried the voices of the gossiping women to my ears, and the snatches I caught got my immediate attention. I stopped to listen.

"…well Sasha, you may think it's just her usual thoughtlessness, but _I_ think it's quite shameless. Everyone knows how close they were last summer, and she's seeing him out in the open!"

"Now Manna, I'm sure it's quite innocent. After all, they're just talking as she buys snacks from him…"

"Just talking! About what? Do you know? Does anyone? And the looks they give each other! Don't tell me _that's_ innocent!…"

And she had told me she never wanted to see Kai again! My first reaction of course was to find her right that instant and confront her. A moment's thought told me how unprofitable that would be. The answers to my questions – just what was she doing with him and how long had it been going on – would be lost in the shouting match and angry tears that would inevitably follow. I was already suspecting that she acted that way partially out of policy in order to deflect unwanted questions and topics.

Another moment's thought – of who I _could_ talk to about this – gave me a jolt as I realized how shallow my relations with people here were, excepting my in-laws. And I certainly wasn't going to unload this on chronically ill Lillia or excitable Rick unless I really had to. Mostly, the other villagers and I exchanged civilities over business, but I didn't trust most of them enough to open up over _this._ And the ones I _did_ trust – Ann would of course side with and cover for Popuri, Cliff would probably offer me meaninglessly cynical advice, and Pastor Carter would deliver up plenty of empty, saccharine platitudes. Useless, the lot of them – except for…

Karen seemed to be the worst person in the village to talk to about it. She'd made it perfectly clear that she disliked our marriage, didn't want to hear anything about it, and had pretty much given me the cold shoulder since the wedding. But…there was a time when I felt I could talk to her about anything, and she _did_ know much of what went on here. She had also always kept my secrets well. Well, it was a chance…

She was working on the store's books when I entered – she glanced up at me, got that 'oh, it's _him_' look on her face and started to return her attention to her work as I walked up to her.

"Ah, Karen, got a minute?"

She didn't look up. "For what?"

"I need your advice – on a matter you don't want to hear about, I know. But I'm desperate here."

At that, she did look up – she squinted my way and regarded me coldly for what seemed like years. I mean liquid nitrogen cold. Finally she closed her ledger, turned to Jeff with an 'excuse me for a bit, Dad,' and walked to the door gesturing for me to follow.

We went to the mailbox and she folded her arms and gave me a brusque, "Go ahead."

"Ah, have you been hearing anything about Popuri and Kai recently?"

She smirked. "Oh, it finally got back to you, did it? They always say the husband is the last to know."

"Well, what _is_ going on between them?"

"She's going to the beach every afternoon and hanging out at his shack. She's been doing it for some time now, apparently. I _think_ she's just standing out there talking to him…" she shrugged "…but who knows for sure? It's not like I'm wasting my time spying on them. What? Is she sneaking out on you at night?"

"No…well, I don't _think_ so." Working as hard as I did made me sleep pretty damn soundly. "But why is she doing it?"

She shrugged again. "She's bored, I guess. Looks like you're not keeping her occupied enough at home. Neglecting your marital duties already, hmm?"

Last thing I needed just then was to be baited. I snapped, "Damn you, Karen! You got no call to talk like that…"

She snarled back, "Screw you too, Jack. You're the one who came to _me_ for help, remember?" She turned to go.

"Wait, wait, I'm sorry. I _do_ need help. I don't know what to do."

Her face was scornful. "Well, what do you expect _me_ to do? She's _your_ wife. You mean you don't know how to keep her under control?" Then she did start walking back into the store, shaking her head and muttering 'wimp' under her breath.

So it looked as if I was on my own there. But at least she'd inadvertently given me an idea. It was already mid-afternoon and if they were doing this regularly…well, _I_ could spy on them.

* * *

One thing that meeting her on the sly had done for me, I knew all the back paths and secluded places of the village very well. In a few minutes, I'd stationed myself amidst the piles of abandoned boating gear on the beach – it was a place within sight and earshot of the snack shack. And I was getting an eyeful and an earful all right.

Kai was standing behind his counter with that 'hey babe, ain't I a stud?' pose and she was standing on the other side giving him those bedroom eyes I knew too well – _like she'd always given me!_ He was telling stories about beach resorts on the other coast with her all wide-eyed and chirpy and bubbly, "…they _really_ have swimming pools _in_doors? Oh, I'd _love_ to see that!"

I could only take so much of that before I eased out of my hiding place and slunk back into Rose Square. The gossip session there was breaking up, and the ladies – so called – must have guessed that I'd seen it for myself as they gave me pitying, condescending looks as they left. It wasn't bad enough that she was cheating on me – or at least thinking about it. Everyone else here knew it and I was becoming the laughingstock of the village!

I tried to get a grip on myself. I was aching to head right down there and confront the two of them, but I knew how that would turn out - Popuri and I screaming at each other with that creep looking on smirking. No profit there. I finally decided to wait until she'd left the shack, and try talking calmly to her as one adult to another, appealing to her reason. She liked being treated as a grownup, and I sometimes made progress with her doing so.

I hung out in the square for a few more minutes until I felt calm enough to execute my plan, and then headed down the steps onto the beach. My timing was perfect – she'd just left the shack and was walking right my way, holding a purplish sno-cone. When she saw me coming towards her, she got that 'oh damn, busted!' look which she tried to cover up by burying her face in the snack.

I gave her what I hoped was a calm smile and greeted her. "Hi Pi, whatcha doing?"

She looked warily at me. "Eating a sno-cone."

"Can I have a taste?" She held it out to me and I took a bite. "Mm…grape. You come to the beach often?"

"Sometimes. I need a break from all the housework, you know."

"Sure, like I need a break from the farm work sometimes. Let's take a break together then, walk along the shore like we did in the old days. OK?"

She smiled weakly and nodded, I took her hand and we walked together along the shoreline towards the dunes.

"Pi, remember…this is where we started, what was it…gosh, not even two seasons ago. We were so happy together then, remember? What's happened to us? Why are we fighting all the time? I know I'm being snappish towards you and I'm really sorry. I _do_ love you so, you know."

" I know it and I love you too. I wonder if people are right when they say I'm immature. But I just get _so_ restless knowing there's this great big world out there waiting for me – and here I am, pregnant and in _two_ kitchens."

"At least you're not barefoot. So that's why you're coming and talking to Kai everyday? Getting a glimpse of that world outside?"

She looked startled at that. "Jack…how long have you known?"

"Not very long. You've hardly been secretive about it anyways; you know it's the talk of the town. Some of it is…sorta ugly."

"Manna." She wrinkled her nose. "She's got a dirty mind. Jack, all we're doing is talking, nothing else. It's the truth."

"I believe you. But you know, dirty minds driving wagging tongues can cause a lot of damage in a small town. Even if you're doing nothing wrong, it doesn't look right – especially seeing how you and him were lovers before."

"Only you and Ann know that - and maybe Karen, I don't know. And I don't _believe_ you're throwing that in my face!"

"Not throwing it at you, just stating the fact. I've never held it against you and I don't now. But you see, some of what's got people talking is that it shows on your faces when you're together." She looked distressed at that. "You see, I agree with you that people should look and act respectably in public. And no matter how innocently you're acting, it _looks_ improper."

She had gotten very quiet and thoughtful. "So you think I should stop talking to him?"

"I'm not ordering you to. I'm just asking you to search your conscience and see if this is really how you want to appear to the village."

"I…I…you know, you might be right. Let me think about it, OK?"

"Sure Pi, that's all I'm asking."

She gave me a real sweet smile. "Jack, you can be so nice when you want to be. Why can't we be like this all the time?"

"I should try harder. Let's work on it together, OK?"

"All right. You want to go home now?"

"Um, I've still got a few things to do in town. You go on ahead and I'll be home real soon."

"OK, I'll start dinner then. Don't be too long, I think I'm going to feel real loving later this evening."

"It's a date then."

And we separated feeling more like a happily married couple than we had in awhile. Ha! Being sweet and reasonable with her worked after all. That was a habit I resolved to get into. I was also rethinking my attitude towards her wanderlust. I was questioning whether having a barn full of livestock by midwinter was really more important than having a happy wife. I was thinking that perhaps I should stretch out that schedule and use some of that money for a long weekend trip to Capitol City. It may have been utterly familiar to me, but it'd all be thrillingly new to her. The more I thought, the more I liked the idea. See the sights, stay at a nice hotel where we could dine and dance in style and even show off my gorgeous bride to my childhood pals – yeah, I liked it just fine.

Now if I'd just left it there – gone on home and surprised her with my getaway plan – our marriage would have been on the mend and I wouldn't have the rest of this story to tell. But you see, one of my failings is the tendency to overdo things. The Chinese have a saying about that; they call it 'painting feet on the snake.' When you do that, well, it's no longer a snake and you've ruined everything. That's what I was about to do.

* * *

I'd made my way back to the steps leading up to Rose Square when I stopped and looked towards Kai's shack. I could see him standing at the counter looking very pleased with himself and I had, well, an ill considered idea that since I'd won with Popuri, I might as well cover all the bases and get him to back off also. I headed over to where he was standing.

When he saw me come up to his stand, he started by playing it straight, putting on the face of a genial beachside concessionaire.

"Hey farmer dude, you got down here at last! What can I getcha?"

"What it is, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop seeing my wife."

"Huh? What you mean, 'seeing'?"

"I mean I want you to stop going after her. Whatever there was before, it's over now. Give it up."

He smirked a little. "Heh. I'm not chasing her; she's coming to see me. What am I supposed to do, tell her I can't sell her nothin' 'cause her hubby don't like it? That's not how business works!"

His attitude irritated me. "Only business I see here is monkey business. Look pal, you're playing a dangerous game. I'm trying to do you a favor so cool it before you get into real trouble."

He laughed in my face. "Trouble? Is trouble coming? Where is it? Under that gangsta wannabe lid? Lemme see!" He reached over, grabbed my cap, made an elaborate show of looking under it and then plopped it back on my head. "Nope, it ain't there."

I was getting steamed up and growled, "watch it or else…"

"You watch it, hick. Don't you have chickens to feed or something – why don't you go back to the homestead? You're bugging me. Worse, you're boring me. You bore her, too. That's why she comes to see me."

"I'm telling you, you'd better stop seeing her!"

"That's her call, not yours." He sneered. "You can't keep her happy at home, of course she's gonna come see the man who can!"

And I snapped. All the tensions of the last few weeks – no, the whole lousy year welled up into my head. And there, a few centimeters in front of me was the ideal outlet!

I shouted, "son of a bitch!" as I swung and caught his jaw with a solid right hook and had the immense satisfaction of seeing him crash to the floor.

All the hand farming I'd done that year had bulked me up pretty good – I had at least five kilos on him and it was all muscle. But he was plenty athletic and agile all right, and surprised me by springing right back up – brandishing a nasty looking switchblade that had seemingly materialized out of nowhere.

He snarled, "You try that again bastard and I'll cut your lungs out!"

He may have been coming here for years, but he didn't seem to know about farmers and our tools. In a flash I reached into my backpack, whipped out my sickle and brandished it at _him._

"In your dreams, punk! Mine's bigger."

He got a wary look and went into a defensive posture, but didn't back off. He sneered, "_Only_ thing you got that's bigger. Ask her."

"Ha! She always says that string beans remind her of you."

And so we were in a standoff. We kept trading jibes and watching each other for an opening, but my rage was fading fast – and I started thinking again. I was thinking that as pleasant as it would have been to see his head and his body in two different places, it would create a lot of trouble for me. Yeah, I could probably get away with calling it self-defense and likely the villagers would back me up – after all, they wanted me on the farm, not in the slammer. But with the courts as they were then, if it'd ever gotten that far you just couldn't have predicted what would've happened.

I was also thinking that my winning that thing wasn't a sure bet. After all, I wasn't really that much of a fighter – I'd always preferred to talk and maneuver my way out of trouble. Last fight I'd been in had been years before, and I'd _never_ been in one involving weapons. And let's face it, a sickle wielded by an angry husband may _look_ pretty intimidating, but it's a pretty clumsy weapon compared to a hand knife. Especially one in the hands of a guy whose every move showed he knew how to use it, and was ready and willing to do so.

So I figured I'd made my point – I'd gotten in the only blow, after all – and I started slowly backing away, all the time keeping my eyes on that blade and my sickle ready.

"So keep your stinking hands _off_ Popuri! Next time, I won't go so easy on you!"

"That's right dirt eater, get the out of here and don't come back!"

"Oh, I'll be back. With friends. I'm a big man in this place, you know."

"Big is what you are. Beat it!"

Once that was over, I had the most curious mix of emotions. With the adrenalin no longer flowing, I felt pretty peaked and shaky. On the other hand, I was pretty damn pleased with myself. I'd stood up to the guy - evidently an experienced street fighter – and held my own. If I hadn't exactly whipped his tail, at least I'd given him something to think about – that messing around with Popuri wouldn't be a free ride for him.

So I was feeling pretty good about what I'd done. But I also was feeling the fierce need to depressurize before going home. The Inn beckoned to me.

* * *

Doug watched me with his usual vaguely glum expression as I busted through the door and planted myself on the stool in front of where he was standing.

"Evening Jack. You're in early. The usual?"

He was already positioning a tin cup below the spout of a wine keg when I stopped him. "Not tonight, I need a something a little more potent. Lemme have a couple shots of bourbon straight up.

He gave me a good looking over as he poured out the hooch. "Say, is something up with you? You sure look agitated. You having problems with Popuri?"

I gulped down the first shot. "Nah, not her. Kai. Lemme tell you what just happened…" And I told him of the events of the afternoon with him listening judiciously – and pouring out more whisky as I went on. I guess I should have paid more attention to Ann who was stacking clean cups and glasses behind the bar as I talked, but I was concentrated on making my case with Doug. As it turned out, she was sure paying close attention to me.

Doug and I discussed the matter for a little while. I'd come around to Rick's point of view that Kai was an intolerable nuisance and although Doug was a little disappointed in me at having thrown the first (and only) punch, he finally saw my point.

"Yeah Jack, guess we don't need you so worked up over him and her that you can't give Erehwon the attention it needs. Let me do this – you go on home and I'll talk this thing over with Duke when he comes in later. We'll work something out so do everyone a favor and don't go back to Kai's place – just leave it to us, OK?"

Despite my puffing my social standing to Kai, I knew that Doug and Duke were _really_ the leading men in town. Money talked there as much as it did everywhere else and their commercial interests ensured that when they saw eye to eye about something, everyone else in the village fell right in behind them. So between knowing that those guys would be backing me up (I already knew that Duke despised Kai) and the half-dozen or so drinks of whisky I'd had, I was feeling pretty damn good about it. I shook Doug's hand and thanked him for his understanding, then headed to the door. On the way out I was looking for Ann to ask her advice about planning that getaway with Popuri, but she'd apparently ducked out. As it turned out, I'd find her plenty soon enough.

Walking home, I felt on top of the world! I'd gotten Popuri to see that what she'd been doing with him wasn't a good idea without us exchanging a single hard word. I figured we'd turned a corner in our marriage – now, finally, we'd start working out our problems like grownups instead of fussing and fighting all the time. And that rat bastard Kai – well, his days in the village were numbered. Doug and Duke would see to that. Yeah, life was looking pretty damned good after all – I'd won the whole pot, now I was going home to a gorgeous wife, a first-rate dinner and plenty of lovin' afterwards. For that matter, I grinned to myself, the dinner could wait – that hot date in the old conjugal love nest had moved up to number one on my priority list. Unfortunately, she had other plans.

* * *

Coming up to the gates of Erehwon, I was greeted with the sight of Popuri marching out of the house with Ann in tow. She had her nightie slung over her shoulder and thunder and lightning were in her face. When she saw me come through the gate, she stuck her nose high in the air with that 'don't even _think_ about looking at me!' pose of hers.

"Pi, what's going on here?"

"_Don't talk to me, Jack. Just get out of my way!_"

"Pi, what's the matter?" I tried to take her by the arm and she roughly jerked away from me.

"Get your hands _off_ me! What are going to do, beat me up too?!"

Ann gave me an apologetic look, and the whole thing was clear to me.

"Pi, look, let's go inside and sit down and I'll explain what happened. Let's talk this over like adults, OK?"

"_Adults?!_ What kind of adult are _you_, going up to him and threatening him, then _assaulting_ him?"

"Pi, he pulled a _knife_ on me, for Pete's sake!"

"_Because you attacked him!_ Of course he'd defend himself!"

"Hey, whose side are you on, anyways?"

"Pooh! Don't talk to me about sides! You're crazy, Jack, you know that? _Crazy!_ I _hate_ you! And I'm not going to spend another night in your bed!"

All the time this was going on, she was stomping her way through town with Ann and I trying to keep up with her. Ann whispered to me, "Jack, I'm sorry, I didn't think she'd blow up like this. Look, she's going to sleep over with me tonight. She'll be all right. We'll have a good long girl-to-girl talk and I'll calm her down, then she'll come home tomorrow. Just let me take care of it, OK?"

It wasn't as if I had much of a choice. I nodded to her, stopped and watched them proceed to the Inn, then slunk back home under the gaze of several people who'd stuck their heads out of their doors to watch the domestic battle of the year. I got back to my house, cleared the charred remains of dinner from the oven (she'd not bothered to turn it off on the way out,) and grabbed a couple of bottles of wine out of the refrigerator. Since I was already feeling pretty sorry for myself, I figured I might as well go the whole nine yards and have a liquid dinner.

It was nearly midnight with me sitting with the empties on my lap watching snow and listening to static on the TV (out there in the boonies, the stations go off the air at eleven) when it hit me. Popuri was spending the night in Ann's room – well, that was in the Inn…_and Kai stayed right upstairs._ But surely she wouldn't…but Ann wouldn't _let_ her.

Or would she?

I didn't sleep a wink that night.

* * *

**A cliffhanger? Ain't I a stinker?**

**Many thanks to those reviewers who have been following this little conceit of mine with interest – including but not restricted to Red Sonic, Farmer Jen and Amaretto and Coke. This isn't going to go for too much longer, but I hope in the time remaining there will be effects sufficiently spectacular to tickle your fancies.**


	5. Resolving Marital Difficulties

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 5 – Resolving Marital Difficulties

* * *

Maybe I didn't sleep a wink that night, but between my anxiety and the wine I was damn sure not very aware of anything by morning. The pounding on the front door shook me out of my daze.

"Jack? Popuri? Is anyone home?"

Rick. Perfect way to start what was likely going to be simply a _wonderful_ day. I slowly stood up – sending empty wine bottles crashing to the floor as I did – waited for the living room to stop spinning around me, then wobbled to the door to greet my _beloved _brother-in-law good morning. He was his usual charming, considerate self.

"Jack – man, you look terrible! And it smells like a distillery in here. Where is she?"

I forced some kind of slurred mumbling from my lips. "I dunno. Did she come home?" I looked over my shoulder at the still undisturbed bed in the bedroom. "Guess not. The Inn, I suppose. She's staying over with Ann and…"

He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me and the world started revolving around me again. "Get a hold of yourself, man! You let her stay overnight at the Inn? What's wrong with you?"

"Didn't have much of a choice, she was wild crazy yesterday. You know. Let Ann deal with it…"

"Come **_on_** Jack, snap out of it!" And he pulled me into the kitchen, stuck my head under the faucet and let the cold water run over my head for a few minutes. Well, soon enough I was back amongst the living – if you wanted to call having the mother of all hangovers living – and Rick steered me out the door and down farm row.

"Jack, I would have come over sooner, but I only heard about this thing this morning – _stinking_ Manna was practically drooling as she told Ma the story. But Jack, why didn't you stop her from going?"

"And how did you used to stop her when she was screaming mad at you?"

He looked sheepish. "Well…uh…I just let her go off to the pond to cool off. But this is different! Staying under the same roof with Kai…Ann damn well better have been keeping a watch on her!

"One thing though – fine business slugging that like that. I've wanted to do it for years! But why didn't you finish the job?"

"There was the little matter of that knife of his."

"Yeah, I suppose. Well, I still owe you a drink for that marvelous shot."

"Talk to my liver about that. When he's ready, I'll take you up on it. But where are we going, anyways?"

"The Inn, you fool! We're going to bring her home where she belongs – after we turn that bastard into a purple stain on the floor! Let's see how he deals with two on one."

"I don't know, Rick. Doug told me to let him handle it and…"

He actually spit with rage. "Doug! All that_ freakin' townie_ cares about is what's good and bad for his business." He started slamming his fist against his palm. "Come on Jack, are you a man or a wuss? Let's handle it ourselves the good old-fashioned way."

I might have let him talk me into a little more direct action contra Kai, but as we got to the door of the Inn we were stopped by Doug, Duke and Mayor Thomas coming out. Doug took one look at our faces and held up his palm.

"Whoa! Wait a minute. What do you two think you're doing?"

Rick and I exclaimed together. "Going to fetch my wife back home!" "Going to beat Kai to a bloody pulp!"

"The hell you say! You boys just simmer down right now! We're _not_ going to have any killing trouble in this village…"

Duke broke in. "And anyways, there's no need for it. The matter is resolved."

Once again, Rick and I were on the same page. "Huh? How's that?"

And Mayor Thomas went on to explain. Now, as friendly and amiable as I'd always found him, I'd also always thought that Thomas was the most pompous, ineffectual fool I'd ever met. But that morning I discovered why the villagers kept him on as Mayor. He was actually a most accomplished diplomat. Guy made _me, _Mr. Libra himself, look like a rank amateur.

Way the three of them told it, they went up to Kai's room and Thomas just _oozed_ syrup all over the sharp edges of our quarrel. Put it in terms of his self interest, of course – explained how the village would go bankrupt if I didn't work the farm well, 'which would mean that nobody could afford to give your establishment any custom' and that the 'difference of opinions here' was getting me too agitated to work. The bottom line he sold Kai was that 'perhaps you should close up and head back down south a little early this year. Let Jack and Popuri get settled in, and then we'll see about your coming back next summer.'

Kai had hemmed and hawed a bit, then allowed as perhaps it _was_ a good time to call the season quits. Not that he had any other option with Duke and Doug standing silently by, playing the role of threatening heavies to the hilt. So the upshot was that come 5 that afternoon, Kai would be on that slow boat back to the mainland.

Rick was all smiles at this and headed back to Chicken Lil's whistling; but me – I was a little antsy still. This whole thing had been swinging back and forth so hard that I wasn't quite believing in so pat a solution. The wicked bad head I was sporting didn't improve my mood either. But just at that moment, I couldn't see anything else to do but to thank them for their help and consideration and hope for the best.

Thomas and Duke went on about their business as I wheedled Doug – standing in his door still – to let me in. "Come on Doug, lemme talk to my wife. I'm not even going to _look_ at Kai. Just let me in for a sec." He kept putting me off with 'come back later, Jack' when I saw a flash of red hair over his shoulder.

"Hey Ann! Could ya come out here and talk to me for a bit? Please?"

She was out the door in a flash, trading looks with Doug and saying, "It's OK Dad, I've got it" until he shrugged and went back inside leaving Ann and I face to face.

"Jack, she's OK – she's still asleep. We had a nice long talk last night, she's all calmed down and she'll be home later today." She giggled. "Between Karen and now her, I hardly get to sleep in my own bed anymore.

"Jack, let's face it – she still does have some feelings for Kai. That's why she got so mad over you hitting him. She'll grow out of it real soon – especially after the baby comes. Just be patient with her, OK?"

"Sure. Thanks, Ann, you're a real pal. When she wakes up, tell her I've got no hard feelings and she'll get a good reception from me when she gets home. OK?"

I was about to turn and head back to Erehwon when a bleary-eyed Cliff eased out the door and gave a giggling Ann a big smooch.

"Thanks darlin', that was just what the doctor ordered."

"Don't mention it sweetie." She playfully batted his wandering hands away. "Hey, I've got work to do now. Jack, see ya later, OK?"

"Sure thing. Thanks again."

She went back in while Cliff and I stood around trading grins.

"Hey, hobo, get you! Got lucky last night, didja?"

He laughed. "Yeah – but not how you're thinking, Romeo. Damndest thing. Ann came up to my room yesterday evening carrying a bottle from Doug's private stock. She said it was our six-week anniversary – of what, I kind of disremember this morning – and she wanted to celebrate. We had a couple of drinks together, made out for awhile, then she excused herself and left the bottle with me. It's empty now!"

"Heh. Doug's private stock – you mean the 30-year old stuff? Guess you really rate around here now." Then while I was there, I figured I might as well check on things with the one person I _really_ trusted. "Cliff, speaking of last night, you may or may not have heard that Popuri and I had a little tiff and she kinda…well…slept over with Ann. I hope. You been seeing anything odd going on around the Inn?"

"Sorry, buddy. The only thing pink I saw was pink elephants. I guess Ann put her right to bed before our little party. But I'll keep my eyes open." His yawning didn't inspire confidence in me on that count.

"'kay, I'll catch you later then – I'm _way_ behind on the chores today. Don't drink anything I wouldn't, OK?"

"You find out what that is, you let me know."

So, as I made my way back to the farm my mood was up yet again. Come seventeen hundred hours we'd all be saying _bon voyage _to the purple pimple. I was spacey enough from lack of sleep so that I was having all kind of weird flashes – like imagining him being showered with rotten fruits left over from the Tomato Festival as the _Princess_ pulled out.

Then I had a real paranoid flash – that little celebration of Ann's…it sounded nothing so much as if there was stuff going on at the Inn last night that she didn't want Cliff to see. Stuff that he'd have damn sure told me about if he'd have known – and Ann knew _that_. Once you start thinking suspiciously, it compounds on itself. I then had to ask myself what Popuri was still doing in bed at…gee, it was almost ten. She'd always gotten up with the chickens, just like me.

I shook the paranoia off. I was telling myself I was flaking out real bad and needed a good night's sleep. I mean…Ann was a simple, direct sort…she wouldn't think to pull something like that. Right? And after that little celebration…she and Ann, old pals that they were, just stayed up real late talking and that's why she was sleeping in. Right? I mean Ann wouldn't just _flat out lie_ to me, would she?

_Would she?  
_

* * *

For me, there's always been one sure remedy for feeling lousy in body and/or spirit – losing myself in hard work. I launched right in on the day's chores feeling energetic at first, but you know, doing an alcoholic all-nighter in addition to all the stress of the previous 24 hours had really taken a toll on me. After a short time, I just couldn't keep my eyes open and after fighting it for a while, I decided that taking a brief nap amidst the weeds was the logical course.

Well, it was longer than 'brief.' When I opened my eyes again, it was late afternoon judging from the sun. I stood up, stretched, looked towards the house…and saw pink movement through the bedroom window. She was back! I ran up to the house, rehearsing in my mind all the sweet little nothings I was going to shower on her, burst through the door and into the bedroom to find – Popuri closing up a suitcase.

We just stood where we were and stared at each other for a while until I came up with a _real original_ question.

"Pi, what are you doing?"

"Packing my things. I'm leaving you, Jack. I'm going to take the _Princess_ out of here – and I'm going with Kai."

"But…what?…_why_? Look, Pi…don't be hasty here. Let's talk this over. Whatever the problem is, we can work it out together…"

She sighed. "No we can't. The 'problem' is real simple – I don't love you anymore. Kai is the true love of my life and always has been. It's just that I didn't understand that until yesterday."

"But we're _married!_ We're making a _life_ together! We're going to have a _child _together!"

"What kind of life are _you_ making for us, Jack? Scratching a living out of the dirt, making nice to a bunch of _stupid,_ _boring _people, having me working as the maid for _two_ households? Pooh! That's not living – it's a living death! And the baby…I didn't ask for that. You gave it to me – look what you did to me! All I wanted was a little fun!

"Now, Kai – he _knows_ fun. He makes his living off of fun. You know, he's got snack stands all over the country. There's not a place where people enjoy themselves that he doesn't know." She hugged herself giggling. "And he's going to take me to all of them!"

"When did all this start?"

She kept giggling. "It was so sudden! Yesterday I was _so mad_ at you for hitting him. I really was going to just stay in Ann's room, but I also wanted to apologize to him about your behavior. Ann's such a sweetie, she just told me, 'go, there's no harm in talking to him.' Well, one thing led to another and…" her eyes twinkled "…you know. He told me that he'd always intended to take me off with him this year and married with child or not, he still wanted me. Well, I want him too."

"Pi, get a hold of yourself. OK, you slipped up with him once…"

She laughingly interrupted. "It was a _lot _more than once!"

"…you slipped up with him. But you can't just throw away this marriage. Pi, I love you so much. Just give me a chance – I'll be nice to you and you'll stop hating me."

Her look turned pitying. "Oh, Jack, I don't hate you. In fact, I think you're a sweet boy – so nice, so eager to please – and so naïve! But I don't need a farmer boy – I need a traveling man like Kai."

"What's he got that I don't? Tell me I didn't make you happy every night we've been together. Come on, Pi, forget about all this nonsense and I'll make you happy right now."

"Jack, Jack, you think that's _all_ there is to being together? I'll give you this much, you _are_ really good in bed. I wasn't faking any of that." She wrinkled her nose. "But so are a lot of other men, for what that's worth."

"H…how many others?"

She laughed. "Oh, a girl has to have her little secrets, you know! But don't worry, the baby really _is_ yours. At _that_ time I was only with you."

And for the second time in 24 hours, I lost it. I literally saw red (yes, it's not just a figure of speech) and once again found myself threatening someone with a farm tool – this time, the axe – and shouting in rage.

"Popuri, you are _not_ leaving me! You are _not_ taking my child away! I _won't let_ you get away with this!"

Again the pitying look. "Oh Jack, don't be foolish. I know you don't have the heart to kill me. Why if you did, you'd be so devastated with guilt that you'd kill yourself right afterwards." She smiled sweetly. "Besides, if you kill me, then you also kill our child. And you know how much you love it. So stop being a silly and put that thing away."

She was right. I couldn't do it. As my rage faded away, I went limp with defeat, dropping the axe and slumping into a chair.

"That's right, Jack. Oh, don't look so blue – you'll find plenty of stuff in this village to fill your life. You love it all _so much._ I bet after a few days, you'll hardly notice that I'm gone.

"And the baby…don't worry, it'll be well cared for. Kai's got money. And if we run short, well surely you'll want to help support _your own __child_, right? And I promise to send you a picture when the baby's born – a father should know what his child looks like, right?"

I just stared blankly at her as she picked up her suitcase.

"Well Jack, it's been so much fun talking with you, but I've got to go now. I've got a boat to catch! I hope you have a _wonderful life on the farm_, I really do. As for me, I'm going to go places and see things! Bye-bye, lover!"

And I still sat there blankly, watching my beautiful bride, the mother of my child, my sex goddess walk out the door and out of my life forever.

Dear gentle reader, perhaps at this point you are pounding the table with frustration, shouting, "Why, Jack, why did you just let her go?!"

And you're absolutely right; I could have stopped her. I could have held her until the _Princess_ left, then I could have instructed Zack and Captain Willowbee not to let her board in the future without checking with me first. Then, the whole thing with Kai might have faded away in her mind – after all, he'd never be able to set foot in the village again.

Well, I could give you all kind of excuses why I did nothing. I could say that I was giving her an exceptionally long leash – letting her get traveling and Kai out of her system before she came back home for good. I could say that it was a higher form of love – letting her chase her dreams even if it meant losing her. I could even say that after finding out that she was – well, a whore – I'd concluded I'd be better off without her.

But all of those reasons _would_ be excuses. The actual reason I just sat there…well, Karen had called it right in one of her muttered asides. I _was_ a wimp. It was just that simple. As much as I loved her, lusted for her and wanted our child alongside me – I just couldn't take her ways anymore! I was sick to death of her shrieking and snapping and whining about every little thing. Maybe I'd be sleeping in a cold empty bed from then on – but at least it would be a quiet one! It was so much easier to just let her go. But underlying all of that was that sense of total defeat. I thought I'd finally been gathering a family around myself, something I'd wanted more than anything else, and now it was gone forever.

My mind wasn't anything as orderly as this at the time, of course. Jumbled bits of feelings and thoughts rattled and rolled around in my head as I buried my face in my hands. And I couldn't tell you anything about the rest of that day.

* * *

Like any other morning on Erehwon, the roosters gave me their zero six hundred wakeup call. I rolled over in bed to hug Popuri and start in on our morning 'exercises'…and then I remembered. So instead I just got out of bed and revived my old bachelor habits – called Wowser in and kept him planted firmly on my lap as I munched an apple and watched _Life on the Farm._ She'd always laughed at me for my devotion to that program. 'Jack, it's a _children's show!_' 'But Pi, I learn so much…' _Damn it, stop thinking about her!_

I looked at the calendar and my 'to-do' list tacked up next to it, figuring out the day's activities. Hm…Summer 28…that means that we were married for 16 days. Not a world's record for brevity, but an honorable mention… _Damn it, stop thinking about her!_

Out in the chicken coop, going through that rhythm of filling my backpack with feed, then measuring it out into each feeding station, then gathering eggs, crating them up and laying them in the shipping bin. I had to break habit when I reminded myself to examine and rotate the eggs in the incubator. That job I'd always left to her…one of the few things she was better at than I and…_ Damn it, stop thinking about her!_

And so the rest of the morning went.

Later in the morning I dragged myself into Chicken Lil's sort of figuring I should be with the nearest I had to a family. Of course, Lil was laid up in bed from shock and shame, but Rick was being his usual gritty, practical self. When I went in the door, I saw that he actually did own a shotgun – at least two of them, in fact – he had them out on the kitchen table and was cleaning them. When he saw me come in the door, he didn't waste any breath on meaningless consolation. He fixed me with a level gaze.

"Jack, what do you say that we catch the _Princess_ to the mainland this afternoon. We'll track down that son of a bitch together and give him what he's got coming. Then we'll bring her back home.

"Too bad we can't give her what she's got coming also. In the old days, they'd have whipped her in the middle of Rose Square for pulling a stunt like this."

I won't deny that I was really tempted by the thought of hunting Kai down and giving his GI system a hot lead flushout. But practical men that we both were, as we discussed strategies and techniques of mayhem, we both knew we were just outgassing to try and relieve the pressure. Finally, Rick grumped at me that, 'maybe we should start our hunting trip later this week. Ma's real sick and I can't rightly leave her alone today.' I agreed and suggested we plan it out the next morning. Of course, we never got around to it.

* * *

Not many people dropped in to Erehwon that day. I wasn't really expecting them to. Visiting someone who's had a death or sickness in the family is routine and accepted and everyone more or less knows how to do it. But what do you say to someone who just got abandoned by their pregnant wife? I had no idea and I guess they didn't either. But in late afternoon, I did have a visitor. Karen came in the gate while I was trying to forget myself in the never-ending weeding. She didn't waste much effort on empty words, either.

"Jack..."

"OK Karen, what is it? You came here to tell me you were right about her all along? Come to rub my nose in it?" I spread out my arms in surrender. "Well, go ahead! Give me your best shot!"

She looked pained. "Jack, I thought you knew me better than that. You just took one of the hardest hits a person can take and you think I'd taunt you about it?" She gave that thin crooked smile of hers. "Actually, I came to offer you some comfort and consolation – the tried tested and true Karen way."

"And what might that be?"

"It's about six. I propose that you and I head down to the Inn and proceed to get blind, stinking, rip-roaring, falling down drunk together. I'm buying."

I examined her proposition up and down and could find no fault in it.

"Lead the way, kind lady."

"Follow me, gentle sir."

We got to the Inn right at the stroke of six, bellied up to the bar together and proceeded to make a truly heroic effort to drink up Doug's entire stock. I know he had to break open a new cask of grape liquor that evening – if he had to get out another after that, I couldn't tell you as my powers of observation faded steadily as the night progressed. Later on, I even got into his much-neglected screwdrivers, and you know, I thought they were pretty damned good. Then again, by that time I was blitzed enough to think that hydrazine straight up would have been pretty damned good also.

Came midnight, Doug gently but firmly expelled us from the Inn. Karen and I reeled around Rose Square arm in arm for a while, singing stupid love songs at the top of our voices and generally acting like the drunken asses that we were. Our voices were of course badly slurred. You can take that as a given, so I won't bother writing it that way.

"Whee, Karen, ain't we got fun! Y'know, wives may come and wives may go, but ol' Ethyl never lets you down."

"Ethyl? Who's that?"

"Ms. Ethyl Alcohol – patroness of the lovelorn and rejected."

"She's a cruel mistress, Jack. She'll leave you in the ditch the next morning with an empty wallet and a bad head. Take it from me, I've been there."

"Tomorrow? Ah! That's just another day. Whadda want to do now? What do likkered-up fools do here anyways? Go throw cowpies at Duke's mansion? Carry Ellen through the streets on our backs?"

"Random public deviltry? Nah, not here. Just take me home now."

"Rog-o. Next stop, Mineral Village's super-duper retail emporium!"

"No, you drunken retard! Not my home. Take me to Erehwon."

I goggled at her. "What do you want to go there for?"

"I want to spend the night with you. It's the other part of the comfort and consolation. Don't tell me you don't need it."

I looked at her cockeyed – well I guess I was already cockeyed so it probably came out straight. "Kinda make you an accessory to adultery, wouldn't it?"

She got off a short, sharp Anglo-Saxonism. "And what do you think she's doing right now? Jack, I'm not going to beg you. Either take me home and screw me or go home alone and screw yourself. Your call."

Once again I examined one of her propositions forwards and backwards and found no fault with it.

"Rog-o. Next stop, Mineral Village's premier love shack."

"Always thought you were a smart guy."

So we continued reeling arm in arm up farm row and into the gates of Erehwon. We lurched in the door and on to the bedroom, clumsily divested each other of our clothes, flopped into bed, performed the usual acts with the usual results and fell asleep in each other's arms.

I guess I was already habituated to the farm life because drunken debauchery or no, I was still up with the chickens at zero-six hundred hours. I untangled myself from Karen's hold as gently as I could and wobbled into the kitchen to make us a breakfast bland enough not to do further violence to our already abused innards. A few minutes later, a half dressed Karen stuck her head out of the bedroom.

"Jack, where's my bra?"

"Uh...I aimed it at my wedding picture. If I overshot, it's behind that table."

"Right, I'll go fish it out."

She came out again a couple of minutes later fully dressed and looked at the spread of fruits, juice and toast I had laid out on the table.

"God Jack, you're disgustingly energetic." I motioned for her to sit and she did so, helping herself to a child's portion. I sat beside her and started wolfing down a workingman's helping.

"Disgustingly good appetite too."

I spoke in between bites of toast. "Well...y'know in this life, no matter what happens, the animals still get hungry and the crops still wilt. Gotta get charged up for the day's work. Why I'm doing it now, I don't know. Habit I guess."

She talked around mouthfuls of melon. "Yeah, well. Thanks for this breakfast – on my hangover mornings Mom always fixes me a heaping plate of fried eggs. She means well, but yuck! They don't sit well on a pickled stomach."

"Heh. I can go get you some eggs if you're missing 'em. But seriously – now I consider myself comforted and consoled. Thanks, Karen."

She gave me what was for her a pretty gentle look. "You're welcome. I figured we both needed it. Let each of us know that _someone_ still has some use for us."

"Yeah...talk about use. Judging from my admittedly impaired memory and..." I rubbed the deep scratches on my back "...the physical evidence, looks like you got a little frantic there."

"Look who's talking! Those bite marks just I found on me..." she glared at me "...and the _places_ I found them!" and I blushed while she laughed. "Now I _know_ that church boy routine of yours is just an act."

"Yeah, well – I guess we both got a little wild. You know, it'd be a hell of a note if I knocked you up too."

She laughed again. "Don't worry about that – wrong time for me, and I'm _real_ regular. Rick and I went by the phases of the moon for years and got away clean."

"You say so...ah...please don't take this the wrong way – gosh knows I like you about as much as I've liked any woman my age – but, uh, we're not going to make a habit of this kind of thing, are we?"

"I suppose not. But we had to do it just once. For me, it was more than consolation – it was unfinished business."

"How's that?"

"Jack, I really like you a lot too. Did from the first time we met – remember me dressing down Duke at the store! In the middle there, we sorta got messed up with that garbage with Mary and Popuri and Rick, but underneath it all I still liked you a hell of a lot and...oh damn, I'm evading the issue." She looked me right in the eyes. "I'm not too proud to say it. Jack, I love you."

And so she did, in her own way. "And I love you too Karen." I grimaced. "Not that it's a lot of help to either of us now. If we tried it, I suspect it'd just be poisoned from the start."

"You're still in love with her, then?"

"Something fierce. I mean, I know what she is now and I know it's over, but a part of me still hopes she'll return to her senses and come back. I suppose she'll file for divorce sooner or later. I know I don't have the heart to do it." I spoke ironically. "To make a completely original observation, life is sure funny."

"You don't see me laughing, do you?"

"Well it is and you should be. Lookit...suppose, for example, that the night of the Goddess festival, you'd come to the beach a little earlier. You'd have broken us up while we were still just making out. Then, I don't think I ever would have done her – as much as she turned me on, I _did_ have the will power to resist it when I wasn't trashed. Then we would have just drifted along until Kai came back and got her. Then what would have happened? Would you have still been pushing Mary and I together so hard?"

"I guess I would have been. I was in denial about my feelings for you – because of Rick and I was also denying myself for her sake. What a horrible tangle! How could anything good have ever come out of all that?"

"Would have taken some supernatural intervention, I suspect." I quoted. "_Footfalls echo in the memory/Down the passage which we did not take/Towards the door we never opened/Into the rose garden_."

Then she completed it. "_My words echo/Thus, in your mind/But to what purpose/Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves/I do not know_."

She answered my wondering look. "Mary and I read a lot of poetry together during those long depressive conversations at the library. We came back to T. S. Eliot often. He was a very depressed and disillusioned man, wasn't he?"

"At the time. I understand that later he found God. I'm sure it was good for him, but his poetry was never the same after. Well, let's break up this mood. What are you going to do now, Karen?"

"I don't know. I keep thinking about following Mary's example and leaving this place. There's not much left for me here. Rick and I aren't going to get back together and you know, I don't think I'd want to now even if he did. Mary's gone and if she has any sense, she'll never come back. Maybe she'll end up editing some literary magazine or just hide out working in a big city library for the rest of her life. I just hope every now and then she finds someone kind and gentle to get her through the really rough nights. All that's left is my folks...and, yeah, we still love each other but we're also drifting apart. And if we're not going to try being together...maybe I just will go off to the city and try to make a new start."

"Don't want to be discouraging, but it's a lousy time to do that. There's that little matter of the depression, you know."

"Yeah, don't know what I'd do there anyhow. I've given up on my dreams of taking up ballet."

"Why? You really are a good dancer."

"Ha! Listen to the techie talking rubbish about the arts. Really and truly – I'm too old for it. Yeah, I know I'm 24, but in that world, that's old. If you aren't well underway in your teens, you just aren't going to make it to the top. And I'm too proud to settle for some minor troupe in nowheresville. Nah, I missed my chance – next life, maybe." She giggled. "I couldn't even make it as an exotic dancer, skinny as I am.

"Well, I've always been good with figures and money – maybe I'll study for my CPA by correspondence. Something to keep me busy waiting for some opportunities to knock, then I can go off and get some job somewhere." She put on a brave look. "Imagine that – I was going to dazzle the whole world under the spotlights, have billionaires and kings worshiping at my feet, and I'm going to end up keeping the books for some shady insurance broker somewhere. And how about you, Jack? You were hoping to go way up there someday and help build a shiny new world from scratch, and you ended up with the family farm. You going to stay here?"

"I'm in the same corner you are – not much choice. The few engineering jobs left all have guys parked on them and the only way they're going to leave is by being carried out in a box. Then there'll be a thousand guys like me standing in line to take their place." I shrugged. "This farm isn't bad, I can hack it. If everything I see would just stop reminding me of Popuri, I'd be OK."

"Jack, I'm not going to harp on it – but are you really sure about us not trying it together? We do get along real well, you know."

I joshed. "Getting mixed up with a married man? Where's the future in that? Think of your reputation!"

"What reputation? It's pretty well shot now – between being the sad-sack girl who can't keep a boyfriend and being the town drunk. And with my luck, someone will see me coming out of here and then I'll be the town slut." She shrugged. "Not that I give a damn anymore what anyone here thinks."

"I'll tell 'em you were making a delivery. Besides, you know what they say about Libra and Scorpio couplings. Be a question of which one of us kills the other first."

"Nah, be more like my folks. We'd fight like cats and dogs, then make up under hot sheets."

"Well...let's do this. Just go along as friends like in the old days - before all this happened. Give me some time to try and get over her, then we'll see. Who knows, maybe I'll get up the guts to sue for that divorce and then I'll be free. Only thing is...my child. I'll never see him or her."

She put her hand on my shoulder looking as if she were holding back tears. "Oh God, I forgot about that. That's what you were looking forward to the most, wasn't it?" I nodded. "What a _rotten_ thing she did to you, Jack."

I squeezed her hand. "Yeah, well...you know, I hear the chickens making a pretty intense racket out there. I'd better get started on the morning's work. You want me to take you home?"

"No, I know the way. Don't know what I'll tell my folks. Maybe ask Ann to cover for me or maybe just tell them the truth. What does it matter?"

We got up and went out to the front step together, and Karen's luck was indeed holding true to form because there was Manna, passing by the front gate. She stopped and just stared at us in surprise.

"Well, Jack – looks like she just won the gossip sweepstakes for this year. It'll be all over town before noon." She got that twisted smile on her face. "In for a dime, in for a dollar – let's give her something to really gossip about." And before I knew it, she had me in a melting embrace and was giving me the kind of kiss that shouldn't be given except behind closed doors and next to a ready bed. She broke off with a touch on the cheek and a 'love ya' and bounced off through the gate, saying to Manna in passing, "Hello, Manna! Isn't it just a lovely morning!" For the first time I'd ever seen, Manna didn't have a word to say in reply. I tipped my hat to her, and then went off to the coop to see what had the hens so agitated. Just another day of life on the farm.

* * *

**Shout-outs. Get yer shout-outs here.**

**Farmer Jen – you gave me the idea for this chapter. Originally, the marriage was going to end by Popuri dying in childbirth. But I was growing more and more dissatisfied by the idea, thinking it maudlin. Well in one of your reviews, you commented that Popuri (in this story) was a slut. Yeah, I thought, she is…now what if I really make her one…and the rest is history. Thanks!**

**Red Sonic – appreciate your thoughtful reviews as always. Yeah, our Jacks are very very different indeed – and how their respective destinies play out will to some extent illustrate that.**

**Oh, anyone reading this story who hasn't been reading Red Sonic's _Harvest Moon: The Valentine Conspiracy_ – get your heiney right over there and start reading it! That's an order! It's really really good.**

**Amaretto and Coke – thanks for following this. Yes, I was rather pleased at getting Mary away from all this madness. It would seem that she got clean away with nothing worse than a bruised heart. Or did she? evil chuckling Stay tuned.**

**Kirjava Deamon – thank you also for your kind reviews. I'd like to write a chapter a day…but…I'm doing this for free y'know! Get me a NEH grant and I'll be glad to oblige!**

**Kairi – thanks for the flowers! You're sweet.**

**Autumn – A cookie for me? Munch…munch…munch. Mmm – delicious! Thanks!**


	6. Comfort and Consolation

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 6 – Comfort and Consolation

* * *

Yeah, the dirt on Karen and I got spread around the village in record time, OK. I started feeling the effects of that incident right away. Even before noon, Rick had stormed onto Erehwon, shoved his face into mine and subjected me to one of the nastiest cussing-outs I've ever endured. He was so incoherent with rage that I couldn't rightly figure out what had him upset more – that I had cheated on his sister (if cheating is really what you'd fairly call it) or that I'd done it with Karen.

I hadn't _wanted _to fight with him, but let's face it – after getting dumped by my wife and enduring my second killer hangover in three days, I was in no condition to be sweet and reasonable. I was shouting curses right back at him in no time, and yeah, I suppose that remark to the effect of 'I don't owe your f-ing whore of a sister a damn thing!' was particularly unfortunate. I'm still amazed that we didn't come to blows, but the final face-off hurt worse than fists would have.

"There ain't **_nothing_** between us and you anymore Jack! Only time I _ever_ want to see your face again at our place is business – and business only!"

"Suits me just fine, _brother._ Ditto for you and Erehwon. Now get the hell off my land! Wowser, sic him!"

He was too sweet a dog to bite anyone of course, but Rick didn't know that. He double-timed it through the gate spitting venom over his shoulder. For the rest of my days in Mineral Village, Rick and I only had the most cursory dealings over poultry supplies. And as Lillia was continually bedridden after Popuri left, I never saw her again.

So much for family ties.

I don't know which felt worse, Rick's heated hostility or Jeff and Sasha's cold disapproval. When I dropped into the General Store that afternoon (I didn't have a choice, I really needed fall seeds,) Jeff's face was a fixed mask. He didn't show me any overt anger – he couldn't afford to, my being his best cash customer by far – but he didn't say one word to me that wasn't required for the exchange of goods and money. I could see the door to their living quarters open a crack and I kind of got the impression of a bun of blonde hair and ice-green eyes balefully regarding me – but she didn't come out and confront me. As there was no practical reason for Sasha to have any dealings with me, she actively avoided me from that day on. I don't believe we ever exchanged another word.

* * *

Goodness, how people can surprise you with that dark side they show when they disapprove of you. While I was in town, I thought it might do me some good to drop in on Pastor Carter for some soothing words and a little prayer. Man, did I call that one wrong. He was standing at the altar practicing a sermon as I went it, and the moment he looked at me I could see that that vaguely New-Agey acolyte of a loving God of forgiveness had given way to a thundering Old Testament moralist. Glaring down at me from that altar, he started right in on my case without preliminaries.

"Jack! The Book doesn't say 'thou shalt not commit adultery _unless_ she does it first!' The law of God is not a commercial contract! There are no escape clauses!"

OK, OK, I wasn't about to say that my actions with Karen were totally proper. But did he have to be so…_condemning_ about it all? I mean, our sins are supposed to be forgiven, right? Wasn't it his job to tell me that rather than trying to make me feel worse than I already did with all that stuff about repentance and atonement?

Well, young as I was in those days, there was no way I was going to talk back to a preacher – even one who I thought was full of beans - so I stood there for a while and let his stern words go in one ear and out the other. Eventually he got past the wind-up and on to the pitch.

"Jack, you are _at this very instant_ sliding down that slippery slope to _hell_! If you want to escape your _earned fate_ – you'd better get in that confessional right now, get down on your knees and _get right with God!"_

In response, I just gave him the usual evasions that I'd think about what he was saying and get back to him on it real soon. He was still ranting as I let the chapel door close behind me on the way out.

"_You hang over the fiery pit suspended by a slender thread! When it breaks, it will be too late to mend…"_

Sheesh. You'd have thought it was still the 17th century or something. Hadn't he heard that we've gotten beyond all that stuff in this modern world of ours?

* * *

Please don't get the idea that I'm viewing myself as nothing but the poor innocent victim of self-righteous country folk. Some of the breaking off of ties with people in Mineral Village was on my own initiative. Like when I went into the Inn, drew Ann aside and had a nice little private interview.

"Ann, I've got just one question and I want a simple straight answer. What part did you play in all this?"

The sweat was beading on her forehead as she took in my stony gaze and folded arms.

"Well…I…OK, Jack, I _did_ let her go up and visit Kai. She wanted to talk to him…just talk, she said."

"Under the circumstances, and from what you know of her, you submit that that was a good idea?"

"All right, Jack, all right – I'll admit that I thought there was a chance that they would…ah…become intimate. But Jack, I already knew that Dad was going to make him leave. I thought at worst it'd just be a 'one last time before we part forever' kind of thing."

"You planned it out pretty well it seems; getting Cliff out of the way like that. A regular 'little Miss fix-it-up' you are."

Her voice became plaintive in response to my hardening glare. "But Jack, I didn't think it'd get _this_ far! I didn't think she'd _leave_ with him! I'm going to miss her too – she's my best friend here! You've _got_ to believe me – I didn't think it'd come to _this!_"

She kept pleading like that for a bit while I collected myself.

"Ann, from this moment on, you and I are strangers…"

"Jack! Don't _be_ like that!"

"…_strangers_! Oh, I'll continue to sell you eggs and vegetables, because I understand that I have to do business impartially in this place. But here inside" I thumped my chest "where _I_ live, there's no one home for you anymore. So just keep your distance and _leave me alone!_"

And I turned on my heel and strode out of the Inn ignoring her protests.

Breaking up with friends isn't so hard to do after all.

* * *

Like I said, I don't want anyone to get the idea that I saw myself as the most misunderstood, persecuted guy that ever was. I figured that Karen was getting it a lot worse than I was – that double standard will _never_ really die. When Cliff and I had a chat that afternoon – both of us implicitly agreeing not to bring up the touchy topic of Ann – I got an example of it that he'd witnessed.

Her courage and fierce loyalty to her friends was admirable – even if her judgment was sometimes wanting. The way he told the story, Duke came in the store and confronted her about our night together with her parents and several other people looking on, and she brazened it out so as to put as much of the onus on herself as possible. She fixed him with her coldest, hardest stare and answered, "Yeah, I did it. I got him drunk out of his mind and then I seduced him. So what business is it of _yours_? It's only between him and me and maybe Popuri if she ever comes back – so _you_ can just…well, you _know_ what you can do!"

Well! I wasn't going to let her get away with _that. _I mean, the nerve of that woman, trying to take all the credit for herself. Didn't I – the man - deserve the lion's share? That's how I saw it, anyways, and that evening in the Inn I grabbed for it. I plopped myself down at the bar within easy earshot of where Duke was sitting, and started in on Doug with my best 'we're both men of the world' attitude while accepting a cup.

"Doug, I don't know why you haven't cut Karen off long ago. That girl simply _cannot_ hold her liquor. Heh. Talk about easy pickings! I don't think she had the slightest idea of where she was and what she was doing when I got her to my place." I smirked. "Well, that was just right for _my_ purposes.

"Almost paid for it the next morning. When she opened her eyes, she bolted straight upright and started screaming. 'How did I get _here_?! Jack, you didn't?! You bastard!'"

I laughed cynically. "Man, I thought she was gonna start slapping me around something wicked, but she just grabbed her clothes and ran for the bathroom. Well, she cooled off a little and hightailed it for home PDQ. She ain't as tough as she acts. Guess I taught her a thing or two about how us city guys handle business!"

Doug didn't say much to that, and Duke was pretending he didn't hear a thing, but I knew he was taking in every word. Karen and I had kind of been avoiding each other that day, but the next morning we ran into each other at the Goddess pond and I found out that my little fiction had gotten around OK.

She looked at me with amusement. "Jack, you didn't have to do that. It was totally sweet of you, though."

"And you didn't have to do what you did, either. And _that_ was totally gutsy of _you_."

"Well, it seemed like the thing to do at the time." She broke out laughing. "You're right, life sure is funny. Here we both are trying to take the exclusive blame for something we both wanted to do!"

"Look at it this way – our stories are so far apart that _nobody_ knows what to believe now. Keep 'em guessing, that's my motto."

"Which means they won't stop talking about it."

"Does that bother you a lot?" She shook no. "Well, me neither. I'm getting some of your attitude now – who cares what they think? If they can't take a joke, to hell with 'em!" I got a tentative look. "Say, are you and I still pals?"

"The best."

"Well then, how about this – why avoid each other? Let's be pals out in the open. How could it make things any worse? Let's rub their noses in it and let 'em think what they want. You game?"

"Sure." She started laughing again. "They'll drive themselves _crazy_ trying to figure out where we're doing it! Jack, we're _terrible_, aren't we?"

"Yeah, I'm just a plain ordinary bastard."

Now she was laughing hard. "And I'm nothing but a cold, hard bitch."

"So, uh, why don't we get together at the Inn tonight and have a few. Toast our new friendship – one sleeze to another."

She almost fell down laughing. "I'll drink to that!"

And so started the strangest relationship of my life. Karen and I met at the Inn that evening – staked out our territory at the far end of the bar and noisily called for wine, which attracted hostile stares from the other patrons. Doug was frankly antsy about us being there together.

"Uh, you two _really_ think this is a good idea…"

I cut him off. "Doug, it's your place. Sell us booze or kick us out – it's your decision. But save the moralizing for Sunday meeting, OK?" He served us. Money talks and…well, you know the rest of it.

The bond between us was simple enough to state – two people with badly broken hearts who had a lot of natural liking and sympathy for each other. That we were both becoming pariahs in the village just served to push us together harder into that strong (and unhealthy) 'us against the world' alliance. And a common love for boozing – a recently acquired enthusiasm in my case – rounded it out.

We didn't get as totally trashed as we had that first night, but we got a lot further than simply getting a mild buzz on. We set our pattern pretty quickly - spend several hours together in the evening talking and drinking at our reserved end of the bar (Karen's cold glare and sharp tongue kept people away better than any bouncer would have.) Afterwards we'd stagger…uh…walk together down to the beach, talk some more, make out a little, then I'd take her home. Her home, that is. Despite what everyone thought, we weren't sleeping together. I'll explain that in due course.

* * *

Actually, the villagers' 'shunning' treatment had pretty much reached maximum intensity and things were about to turn around – kind of. In fact, I can tell you right when I touched bottom. I went to church that Sunday as was my habit, figuring that had to be some kind of haven from the storm that was blowing over me. I should have known better. Right after the first hymn, Pastor Carter ignited and lifted off.

"Friends. Before I start this week's sermon, there is a pressing matter we need to attend to." He pointed right at me. "There in our midst sits an unrepentant sinner – an adulterer and a fornicator – whose very _soul_ is in danger. Jack! I want you _right now_ to stand up before us, confess your sins and beg forgiveness! Do it right now – tomorrow may be too late!"

_For Pete's sake!_ Enough was enough. I stood up and said my piece all right.

"People, I may or may not have reason to ask forgiveness of God. But I'll be _damned_ if I'm going to grovel before the lot of _you!"_

And I stomped right out of that church. For the rest of my days in the village, I only set foot in that place once more.

Getting humiliated in public like that was a cusp in my attitude about a number of things. First thing was I no longer felt like I owed those people my efforts on Erehwon. Cliff had been right when he'd told me long before that I was wasting my youth on strangers. Besides, with people in the village as disapproving of me at that it just might not have mattered that they felt they needed my efforts on the farm. That good old human irrationality might just have spurred them on to run my rear end out of town anyways. I resolved to get a head start on them. A part of that afternoon I spent in writing a bunch of letters to old friends and colleagues letting them know that I was having second thoughts about life on the farm and if they heard of any positions out there that might suit me, I'd greatly appreciate it if they let me know about it.

Second thing was that I went back into town prowling for Karen and found her in her back yard hanging up some clothes. I got straight down to business.

"Hi Karen…uh…you know, I'm not too keen on us meeting at the Inn tonight. You might have heard about what happened at church today and I just don't want to see any of their faces."

She looked miffed. "What then? You're going to give in to them and not see me anymore…"

I interrupted. "Quite the opposite. You know I always keep a few bottles in the fridge. How 'bout we have a little private party this evening?" I gave her a self-mocking leer. "Come on out to my place and look at my etchings? How 'bout it?"

She smirked, "About time you asked me. I was starting to wonder if you were going _that way_." She took a quick look up at the balsamic moon and grinned. "Good timing, Jack. When?"

"Drop in anytime you want. If I'm not in the house, I'll be in the fields. Gimme a shout."

"OK, let me finish this and grab a bite, then I'm yours for the evening."

"I'll even cook you dinner if you want."

"Now _there's_ a deal."

* * *

Actually, I was in the house for most of the afternoon preparing for our evening together. I figured with all the crud we'd been taking, we needed a more attractive diversion than a just a fast vegetable sandwich and a snort on the way to the sack. By the time she knocked, all was ready.

I bowed low as I opened the door. "Please come in, madame."

She regarded my manner with amusement. "My pleasure sir. Jack, there's something different about you…your cap! You're not wearing it."

"Yeah. I see you scowling at it every now and then. You don't like it, do you?"

"I _loathe_ it! It makes you look like a kiddie." She frowned. "You even wear the damn thing to bed. I remember it now. I would have objected if I hadn't been busy with other things that night. What did Popuri say about that?"

"I kept her too busy for her to bring it up also."

"Yeah…well, thanks for losing it for the evening. Your hair's nice, you know. You shouldn't cover it up." She underlined the point by running her fingers through it while giving me a friendly smooch.

"Let's save that for dessert. You hungry now?"

"Sure. But nothing too heavy."

"I'm way ahead of you there. Please be seated, madame."

I pulled out her chair for her as she continued to look amused. "I don't know what you're up to here with this 'Gentleman Jim' act, but I like it. Keep going, boy."

"Most certainly, madame. First course coming right up." It was mountain salad – green and blue grasses, baby bamboo shoots and mushrooms. She ate with evident pleasure.

"Mm…I'm not as big a fan of mushrooms as Mary, but this is quite excellent. Heh. You've got all kinds of unsuspected talents."

"Wait until the main course to decide that. Would you like some wine now?"

"Is the Pope Catholic?"

I fetched a bottle from the fridge and held it before her. "Does madame approve of the wine selection?"

"Hm – Moon Mountain '14. Definitely a step up from what we've been swilling in Doug's place."

I presented the cork to her and she sniffed with a regal manner. "It will do. You may pour, boy."

I did so then held up my glass. "Please allow me to propose the toast. 'To us.'"

She smiled and lifted her glass. "Short and sweet. To us." We touched glasses and drank.

A couple of glasses and some light conversation later, I judged it time to bring on my prime effort. I carried a covered bowl from the kitchen, set it on the table and revealed the contents with a flourish.

"Madame, the pièce de résistance!"

Her eyes went wide with delight. "Jack…is this _really_ truffle rice? How did you know? This has to be just about my favorite dish!"

"You seem like a truffle kind of girl to me."

"Yeah…but they're so rare. We hardly _ever_ see any here."

I went on as I served. "Ah but you see, I know where they grow. I don't think even Basil knows that spot."

She took her first bite and closed her eyes in pleasure while chewing. "That's _just_ right. Jack, if you ever decide to give up farming, you've got a future as a chef."

"It's all in the ingredients, my dear."

So we continued our light conversation while finishing off dinner and wine in a leisurely manner. Once finished, I cleared the table and brought out our second bottle while musing. "You know Karen, after a dinner like that some dancing would be perfect. But I don't have any source of music here."

She grinned, "Oh yes you do," and starting singing in a beautifully low, sultry voice.

"_Non, rien de rien__  
Non, je ne regrette rien…_"

"I stand corrected. Kind lady, may I have this dance?"

"Most certainly, gentle sir."

And we embraced and flowed together across the living room floor to the rhythm of her seductive singing.

"You know Karen, fine wine, torch singing and close dancing taken together could be dangerous to your virtue."

"Ah, but isn't that the point of this evening?"

_"Car ma vie__  
Car mes joies__  
Aujourd'hui  
__ Ça commence avec toi..."_

We danced for a few more minutes, pausing every now and then for one of those deep melting kisses that left us both with spinning heads and racing hearts. Then she flashed me the 'go' signal – whispering "I'm ready for dessert now" - and I took the lead and danced her into the bedroom.

It was nothing like the frenzied animal activity of our first night together. She'd left her usual hard brassy attitude somewhere else and I was seeing a side of her I'd not suspected she had – all soft and submissive and yielding. I gently disrobed her and then myself, took her hand and led her to bed and we made slow, sweet love together until the early morning hours.

We ended up with her resting her head on my chest and her fine smooth hair covering my body like a blanket. I stroked her neck and back while we kept up the age-old tradition of the post-coital conversation.

"Jack, I'm so grateful to you for everything you've done for me tonight. You've treated me like a queen. It's the first time in a long while that I've felt cherished and I really needed it."

"I enjoyed every minute of it. Seeing you relaxed and happy like this is its own reward."

And as we continued our easy, drifting talk… well, I was feeling like a total louse. I'd figured I'd just exploited her much worse than I'd ever used Popuri and I hated myself for doing so.

Perhaps I should explain that.

I believe I said before that Karen and I hadn't been making it since that first night. The reason was simply that I just hadn't been that interested in sleeping with her. Yes, I did feel for her what I called love – some complicated mixture of emotions involving admiration of her strong spirit, pity for her troubles and just plain simple liking of her person. But as far as sex went…well, I actually didn't find her very sexually attractive. It sounds funny I know – she was _very_ pretty of face and there was certainly nothing ugly or deformed about her body.

What it was, of course, was that I was still obsessed with Popuri. That girl had completely commandeered my erotic drive – _she_ was what sex meant to me…and still does after all this time, and I suppose always will for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I could perform with Karen all right – her periodic bouts of clutching at me while gasping for breath had proven that. After all, I _was_ 23, normal and healthy. But it _was_ a performance – an act if you will. Every moment I was moving with her, I was comparing her to Popuri – and she came up short in the comparison. So that was one reason I felt guilty for the evening – I'd been using her to test if I'd started to get over Popuri. And I really hadn't.

But it got worse than that.

I really _had_ gotten totally fed up with the villagers' attitude towards me (and her) that day. I'd spent two seasons making my best try to fit in with their rustic ways – some quite alien to me, lifelong city boy that I was. I'd frequently gone out of my way to make nice to the bunch of them. And the first serious misstep I'd made, it was like all I'd done before had never happened at all. I was furious with them. So I'd decided that afternoon, 'they're so disapproving of me doing her, fine, I'll double down on it and show them!'

The problem with that, of course, was that I'd had to use Karen to do it. Someone I liked and respected and thought the world of. That was the reason for my elaborate pampering of her that evening. I was trying to buy off my guilty conscience by treating her as well as I knew how. It didn't work – the way I was at the time, there was _no way_ my inner scruples were going to let me get away with that. And looking at her contented face, I realized that what I'd done that evening was bond her to me real, real tight. Now, wanting it or not, I had her as a lover and I wasn't about to hurt her by telling her it was all a mistake. I was going to have to keep acting.

It was the first time in my life I'd ever slept with someone out of spite. And it made me feel real dirty inside.

"Karen. Anytime you're ready, I'll see you home."

"What? You're kicking me out?"

"Not if you don't want. I'd be happy to have you sleep over if you like."

"I like." She snuggled up closer to my chest. "I like to sleep just like this. Your heart beats strong. It's comforting to listen to. I love you, Jack."

"And I love you too."

_Karen, I'm sorry._

* * *

Yeah, life is just a barrel of laughs. The day after Karen and I really started the affair that everyone thought we'd been having all along, they started easing up on us. Several people had never joined in the shunning to begin with and had decided to graduate from silent neutrality to support.

Barley and I had always been on a slightly better footing than the 'friends from necessity' relations I had with so many in the village. He and my grandfather had been on pretty good terms – not as close as with Lil and her husband, but they'd grown up and been through a lot together. I still chuckle to myself at the story he told of him and grandfather lurking in ambush to check a persistent watermelon thief – and how they'd sent Anna's teenaged parents fleeing under the sting of shotgun propelled rock salt, filched melons abandoned in panic.

So when he showed up at my door the next morning and then tactfully tried to excuse himself when he saw Karen at the table shoveling in fruit salad, I invited him to join us for breakfast. He won me with his politeness to Karen.

"Haven't seen you much in these parts lately. Missed you. You always bring a touch of elegance along with you."

"Thanks Barl. With me and Rick quits, haven't had much call to come until now."

"Well, the reason I came over is that I want to disassociate myself from the treatment people are giving the two of you. You know, they did the same to my Joanna when she came back here with May and it drove her out of this town for good. It's why I pretty much keep to myself. Don't have much feeling for those folks now."

"I remember it well, Barl. I was 19 at the time and my folks were constantly telling me not to talk to her – Mom kept saying, 'She might give you bad ideas.'" She made a face. "Like I didn't know all about the facts of life already. Now I'm ashamed I went along with them. Joanna was always nice to me."

So the two of them had a nice talk about the old days with me listening in and nodding, and we all parted friends as we went about our day's work. Then that afternoon, Zack called me over as he was emptying out the shipping bin.

"Jack, I just wanna tell you that I think you're getting a raw deal here. The whole thing stinks. People are forgetting that _she_ ditched _you._ And before that, she was such a bitch to you I dunno why you didn't chop her up and feed her to the chickens. Far as I'm concerned, it leaves you free to do whatever you want." He gave his hearty laugh. "I'm a free man here, I can do what _I_ want. To hell with all of 'em. Anytime you and Karen want some company, drop in my place. I'm always open to a drink and a joke with you two."

Funny that such a tough guy could look so wistful. "Always liked Karen. If she'd been about ten years older I might have made a play for her myself. But I always think of her as that cute little girl running all around town with Mary – 'Kar' and 'Mar' they called each other. Sometimes they'd ask me to give 'em a ride and I'd carry 'em around one on each shoulder, them both giggling to beat the band. And her dancing around Rose Square with that little radio she always carried with her – she was just the daintiest little thing you could ever want to see."

Then he amazed me by opening up all the way. "You see, Jack, I know something about missed connections also. When I was your age, I had my eye on Lillia." He went on as I stared open mouthed. "Oh yes I did! Never got anywhere though. It was her and Mike all the way and I was odd man out. She was always kind to me, but I never had a chance. Day before the Goddess festival when I was 22 and she was 20, I made my play and offered her a blue feather. She turned me down – oh, she was real sweet and considerate, but down in flames I went."

And I was kinda half-listening to him as he went on about his hopeless obsession – imagining how different life would have been had they ended up together. There would have been no Popuri! At least not in her this-worldly form. Well, I showed him the proper sympathy – I really did like Zack, what was not to like in that puppy-dog friendliness of his – and promised to drop in on him sometime after extending the same invitation to him. He promised to take me up on it "next time I smell that wicked good grilled fish of yours" and we parted in good cheer.

But these were just bit players in the village and their views really didn't count for too much with people. The real change had to come from one of the big guys – I'm talking Doug here. And it did.

I never really knew what Doug thought of us, he was as cold and self-controlled as I've ever seen in a person. I suppose that being a typical product of the village, he was as offended by our affair as everyone else, but at the same time I sort of detected a deep down indifference in him about anything that didn't affect his pocketbook. The only times he'd ever said anything critical to our faces involved our not making such a display in his Inn as to drive the other customers out in disgust. "Take that stuff somewhere else, kids!" But part of being a leader is not directly going against your followers' sensibilities if you don't have to – rather subtly talking them around to where you want them to go. So, for a while there, he let people dump on us figuring I was stuck on the farm and just had to take whatever I got.

I bet it was when Harris told him about the sudden increase in my correspondence that he had second thoughts about his calculations. I never had any evidence that they were actually reading my mail, but they could read the addresses on the envelopes and see that aside from writing to people in all kinds of places, I was also sending out bushels of letters to every aerospace corporation and contractor in the country. Doug was nothing if not a shrewd guy – when he figured out that I was longingly eyeing the exit, he started getting out the word that if people really wanted to live in a village impoverished by having it's main enterprise abandoned, they were going about it exactly the right way.

I noticed that suddenly people started greeting me in the streets again rather than turning away as I passed – and I returned their greetings and small talk correctly, if with an internally sardonic mood. Cliff soon enough clued me in as to what had happened. Way he told it, Doug had had to compromise with people's sensibilities – they'd agreed to let up on me, but Karen was still fair game for whatever crud they wanted to throw at her. That good old double standard at work.

Well, that may have been OK with other people, but it was _not_ OK with me. I figured that I was in the catbird's seat just right at that moment and that it was a time for another man-to-man attitude adjustment chat with him. I dropped into the Inn alone that evening, accepted my usual cup of wine from him and made my pitch, him listening with that poker face of his.

"Doug, I appreciate your going to bat for me in this little matter, really I do. You've always treated me really fair and I'm grateful. But there's still one smidge of a problem I've got." Long drink and pregnant pause as he stood by silently. "People are still giving Karen a pretty rough time, and I can't say as I like it. You know, right now she's really about the only thing in this place that means anything to me. So could I ask one wee favor of you?"

He knew it already of course, but nodded and grunted, "Go ahead."

"You might let the word get around that I regard any insult given to Karen as one given to me personally – and I'll be making my future plans accordingly. You'll be a pal and get that out, won't you?"

His face and voice got blanker still. "I'll talk to some people about it, Jack."

I gave him my most winning smile. "Thanks, Doug, I knew I could count on you. You're a true friend." And starting the next morning, people started treating her better, also.

In fact, people being as they are, it swung the other direction a bit hard after that. A few nights later, Karen looked a little moody as we drank together and after five cups started venting.

"God, Jack, these people are disgusting. All the crap I've taken off of them for being with you and now it's like it all never happened. Everyone's _so nicey-nice_ now. It makes me sick!" She lowered her voice to an intense whisper. "You know, today I had a couple of people come up and slyly put it to me that if it'd keep you on the farm, no one would give us any trouble if we shacked up." She drank deeply and kept her sour face. "I guess they figure that since they've got a town whore, they might as well put her to profitable use."

I'd already been thinking over that very idea, but had been hesitating to bring it up. I _did_ like having her around. And if our making it wasn't exactly fireworks and earth-moving and all that jazz – well, I was getting used to it. It was comforting – it was a release.

"What do you think about that?"

"Huh?"

"Us setting up housekeeping together. Seeing as you're sleeping over at Erehwon more than you're at home, it'd just make it official."

Her conflicted emotions showed plainly on her face.

"'Making it official.' That's a problem for me." She was looking very serious as she went on. "You see I really _am_ a product of my environment in some ways. As long as I spend a couple nights a week at home, I can tell myself that this is just a romance or a fling – _and yes I know_ that's self-deception and denial. But _living in sin_ – and that's how I grew up thinking of it, along with everyone else here – it's a big step."

"You're worried about hurting your folks, then? Well, if it's too much for you, I don't insist on it. Say, what _do_ your parents say about all of this?"

Her expression went deep black. "They don't say anything Jack."

"What? They accept it? But then why is your Dad so grumpy when I go in the store…"

"No Jack, I mean _they don't say **anything**._ They're desperately trying to pretend that none of this is happening. Neither of them has so much as uttered your name since we got together. Every time I try to talk to them about it, they get these frozen looks on their faces and change the subject as soon as they can. I suppose they're waiting for me to return to my senses.

"And there's another thing that's often on my mind…I didn't want to bother you with my anxieties, but since we're talking about things…I keep wondering what would happen if Popuri came in the front door some morning. Jack, what would you do?"

I answered, "Take her back" without missing a beat. "Karen, I'm sorry but…"

"I know, I know. She really got her hooks into you, didn't she? Well, at least you're honest and I know exactly where I stand with you."

"Karen, I'm not anywhere near over her yet. But it's not as bad as when she first left – you've been a great help to me and I'm grateful."

Her expression was still sour. "Comfort and consolation, eh? And I'm the consolation prize, right? Well, please to allow me to keep _some_ of my pride. Let's just go on like this for now, OK?"

She was right, of course. Living in _was_ too outré for a place like Mineral Village. I suppose that there had always been people there dipping in where they shouldn't have been – several of my ancestors' diaries elliptically alluded to such goings on. But you were supposed to preserve appearances by doing it on the sly. So, Karen and I kept on the way we'd both become accustomed to and most of the villagers kept their feelings to themselves and pretended that we were…whatever the hell it was they were pretending we were.

* * *

Now, don't get the idea that _all_ I was doing that Fall was rutting and drinking. In fact, I was shipping more produce that season – and making more money – than ever before. I'd completely restored the fields to serviceable state, done most of the capital improvements I'd planned, and it was showing in the volume of produce I was shipping. I suppose one reason – OK, the _only_ reason – the villagers swallowed their scruples and accepted Karen and I together was the success I was having with Erehwon. Intelligently applied hard work _does_ bring rewards – if you're fully in control of your efforts and their fruits.

Actually, though the villagers were almost awestruck at how fast I'd gotten Erehwon back to being the economic powerhouse of the village, in my own mind I was slacking a little. I'd put my originally planned expansion into livestock on indefinite hold and left the barn in the decrepit state I'd found it. Watching Barley manhandle stubborn cows and sheep around his land looked like nothing but aggravation and I figured I didn't need the strain. I was already making plenty of dough, and my expenditures on upkeep and booze (my biggest discretionary spending) together with my regular payments on the house still left me with the volume of savings I was wanting. How I'd been caught penniless and jobless at the beginning of the year was still vivid in my mind, and there was no way I was going to let myself be without options again. One of the best things money buys is freedom, you know.

Nobody else watching would have guessed I was goofing off, though. I made my biggest mistake in planning with sweet potatoes. When I'd run the numbers for Fall, my eyes almost bugged out of my head at the profits those purple tubers promised me. Over 9400G of pure gain per patch for the season! Well, I went a bit overboard there and planted 24 patches of the little buggers only to find that every third day, I spent better than 12 hours hauling several tonnes of the damn things to the shipping bin – this on top of my regularly scheduled chores. That afterwards I'd carried away large pouches of gold coins almost, but not quite, made up for it. At first, Karen was miffed – OK, downright bitchy – that every third day I was useless to her for sexual healing. But when I more than made up for it on the other two days, she adjusted. In fact she started pitching in a little after those harvest sessions to relax me. I still have fond memories of those deep down full body massages of hers up in the hot springs. But I've not once eaten a sweet potato since.__

* * *

Odd that in so many ways, Karen and I were a lot better lovers than Popuri and I had ever been. The root of that, of course, was Karen's maturity – heck, she was a year older than I was and had a serious, realistic streak far wider and deeper than my own. Getting to know her intimately made me realize that _my_ worldly side – gained from coming of age on my own in a big-town college, then a big-town job – was a touch superficial. I'd learned it, after all, in controlled and somewhat artificial environments while Karen had been steeped in 'real life' all along – both that of the closely-knit small town and that of the farm life. She'd halfway grown up at Chicken Lil's and Erehwon, after all, so it was in her blood that whatever decoration we put on our lives, we are inexorably bound to the wheel of birth-reproduction-death.

After all we _did_ love each other – each in our own way – and if the sex was a lot better for her than for me…well, I've observed over the years that such an asymmetry is more common in couples than not. We may not have been cohabiting, but we quickly got an easy 'old married couple' familiarity to us.

Karen wasn't nearly as domestic as Popuri had been, and made no apologies about it. It made sense to me in a way – there was always a touch of an air about her that her natural setting was an elegant parlor, entertaining impossibly cultivated and witty people while decked out in satin and jewels. I couldn't shake that feeling even though I was used to seeing her clump around town in that hiker's outfit she favored – and I'm not even going to get into that hideous purple vest of hers!

Like most other women of the village, she eschewed cosmetics, but she did have one characteristic adornment – the blonde highlighting in her hair. One evening I watched her spend nearly an hour in the bathroom getting it _just right_.

"Karen, why do you highlight your hair like that? It already looks beautiful au natural and it seems like a real pain to do."

She gave me a self-depreciating grin. "Because this is how Elena Tereshkova did her hair when she was with the Bolshoi. Please to allow me one touch of vanity if you would!"

Karen did want to pitch in a little at Erehwon. She was spending so much time there and I was feeding her so well (she actually put on a few kilos which she badly needed to) that she figured she owed it to me. But doing what? She observed that she wasn't really the housework kind of girl, "what I do of that at home is plenty enough." Cooking was out of the question – her food fiascos were the stuff of village legend.

Finally, she observed that she and chickens got along well enough, her having grown up with them at Lil's (where had I heard that before!) Tending the flock was time-consuming but not physically demanding so I figured that since she wanted to, I'd encourage it. I showed her the ropes and she picked it all up real quick and started right in on those chores.

There were a couple of glitches, though. When I introduced her to the laying hens, she started as I named them and asked me with an indefinable expression, "Did I hear you right? Is that hen's name _really_ Popuri?"

"Yeah." I looked sheepish and explained how it had hatched out from her gift egg so long before.

She looked speculatively at the chicken. "You know, I'm as much a vegetarian as everyone else here, but I can't help but think of fried chicken when I look at that one."

The other little problem was that as graceful as she was, there was just something about the size, shape and feel of eggs that brought out the klutz in her. Her first day on the job, I had to run into the coop from the fields after hearing a horrible crashing and thumping. I found her lying face down on the floor, broken eggs scattered all around her as she pounded the dirt with her fists and cried with frustration.

Well I helped her up and held her to calm her down, telling her not to overreact as it was only money.

"It's _not_ only money! It's your sweat and blood I just wasted! I know how hard you work!"

"It's all right, Karen. I've dropped a few myself in my time."

So it ended up that she fed and tended the chickens all right, but I always gathered the eggs for shipment as she refused to touch them from that time on.

* * *

Ah, small town hypocrisy. I suppose I really shouldn't have been surprised when Manna, the defender of Mineral Village's traditional virtues, decided to try and take advantage of my quasi-available status. It was one of those hot and humid days – a leftover from the recently ended summer – so I was shirtless and sweating out while breaking up some boulders in the back fields. I was so concentrated on my work that I started pretty good when she greeted me.

"Ah, good morning Manna. What can I do for you?"

The look on her face as she stared at my torso told what she wanted me to do for her. Oh damn, I thought, not _her._

"Mmm…Jack, I just wanted to tell you how terribly, terribly sorry I am that Popuri left you. Such a horrible thing she did! You must be so sad and lonely."

"Well, I'll live. I'm trying to lose myself in the work. It helps."

"Yes, and trying to lose your troubles in other ways also, I've seen." She lowered her voice and tried to look sympathetic. "I can understand your wanting some womanly comfort, but really, I don't think that Karen is a suitable companion for you. She's hated you for some time, you know."

"That's all in the past. We get along now."

"Yes, but I still feel she's too difficult a person for someone going through all the sorrow you're having to have to put up with. You see, I know something about loneliness also. With the way Duke drinks all the time, he's not able to pay me the attention that I'd like." She ran her hand along my upper arm and whispered. "And you're _such_ a _strong, energetic _young man. I really feel that we could help each other."

I looked through her facade of middle-aged seductiveness and all I could see was the malicious woman whose filthy storytelling had afflicted Karen so.

"Manna, I say this with all due thought and deliberation – I think I'd rather lick thistles than go to bed with you."

After she'd gasped and turned bright red, she turned away and marched off my farm without another word. The look on her face showed I'd just made an enemy for life. I didn't care. You see, sometimes you can measure a man's character by the enemies he has.

Karen oscillated between laughter – 'where does a nice guy like you come up with deadly cuts like that?' - and anger when I told her of the incident that evening. She was raring to spread the story far and wide and make the village too hot for Manna's comfort.

"I'm going to _love_ paying that bitch back in her own coin. It's going to be a _riot_ seeing how her face ends up looking when it gets back to Duke!"

Well, far be it from me to break up a friendly little catfight, but it sounded to me as if Karen was preparing to go nuclear. People had eased up on us and I didn't see any profit in the all out war she was itching to start. It took some time and effort – and a few hasty promises – to get her to see it my way.

"Aw, it's a damn shame. I though this time she'd _finally_ stepped in it too deep to get out. You know, the way she was going around insinuating Mary and I were lovers really got to me. And she's too clever to actually come out and say something you can nail her with – she just paints a picture and lets everyone else come to the conclusions she wants."

"Well, if you want to get back at her without it escalating – how 'bout a little blackmail? Draw her aside sometime and sweetly tell her what you know about her – and what everyone else could know too if she doesn't start kissing your feet."

Her grin was evil. "Damn Jack, you've got a twisted mind. I like it. I like it a lot."

Karen never told me exactly how she played it. I didn't really want to know the details – some things women do are not meant for the minds of mortal men to know. But I do know that from that time on, Karen and I no longer existed in Manna's wide world of gossip.

* * *

Time marched on – marched right on to Fall 8 and my 24th birthday. I hadn't bothered to celebrate my 23rd –with all of us at Dynatech working like madmen preparing for the Venture One flight I hadn't had the time. Had I known what a bear my 23rd year was going to be I would have done _something -_ the condemned man ate a hearty meal and all that. But I did see in my 24th with a little help from friends.

Birthdays are important occasions in Mineral Village. Everyone knows everybody else's and people try to do something nice to celebrate – even if it's just making nice out of policy. Folks with families have a celebration at home with their 'loved' ones – however unloved they might be – with friends dropping in. Singles celebrated catch as catch can. I was an awkward case – I was married, but she wasn't with me, so did that make me effectively single? But no, Karen was at my place just about any free time we both had. What were conventional country folk supposed to make of my…uh…creative living arraignments? Finally, folks concluded that since I was becoming a confirmed member of the drinking class, they'd throw a bash for me at the Inn.

When I got wind of their plans, I let it be known that I was grateful, but would have to give my regrets. Those people and I may have been back to being polite to each other, but I'd be damned if I was going to celebrate with them. Anyways, it wasn't practical. We might be all palsy-walsy while dead sober, but the bad feelings were still right there under the surface and I knew that alcohol had a way of bringing said bad feelings out front and center. There were a bunch of people I'd have not minded punching out – and vice versa – and with enough booze aboard all of us, I'd have laid even money that Doug would have ended up hosting a barroom brawl. But I did end up celebrating – with the two people in the village that actually meant something to me.

I stood by my dining room table and exclaimed, "You know what I like most about this birthday?"

Karen and Cliff both mumbled something akin to 'what?' through mouthfuls of my green pepper and onion pizza.

"Now that I'm 24 _this one_…" I pointed at Karen "…can't treat me like her retarded kid brother anymore. We're the same age now."

"For one week, Jack. Milk it while you can." She reached for another slice. "You know, I'm going to insist you make some more of this for _my _birthday. I _love_ pizza and I hardly ever get any. Don't know why Doug or Ann never serve it." And then her mouth was full again.

"Heh. I'll make a note of it. Fine bunch of pals _I've_ got…I have to fix my own birthday dinner 'cause neither of you can cook worth a damn!"

Cliff laughed. "In her case, that's an understatement. You weren't at the cooking festival, were you?"

"Nah, Popuri and I spent that day together in the hot springs."

"Well, you should have seen the judge when he ate…what the hell _were_ those things, Karen?"

She looked a little embarrassed. "Mashed potatoes."

"I thought they were charcoal glazed apples! Well, the judge popped one in his mouth and made the worst face I've ever seen. I thought he was going to spew it right back out in her face!"

"He didn't because he knew I'd have punched his lights out."

And I jumped in with 'more wine, guys?' before she punched _him_ out. Actually, Karen and Cliff got along pretty well. She appreciated his streak of cynical humor and he let it all hang out in response. We all bantered together in that vein while finishing the second pizza and third bottle. Then, when I least expected it (nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!) they both produced wrapped packages from hiding and started singing _Happy Birthday_.

"I should have known you two would try and embarrass me somehow. At least it's not a birthday spanking."

Karen smirked, "That'll be later on this evening, sweet cheeks."

"In your dreams, wench. OK, OK, who's first?"

Cliff shouted, 'Me! Me!' while thrusting his gift at me. I tore off the wrapping, then the two of them doubled up in laughter at my expression as I held up several boxes of rubbers.

"Where in _hell_ did you find _these_ in _this_ burg?"

Cliff somehow choked out, "Zack's the man!"

"Hmph. Wonder if I could score some crank off of him too. It'd sure come in handy during those sweet potato harvesting sessions."

Cliff winked. "Wouldn't think a boy scout like you would know about that stuff."

"Shoot. Both at school and the labs we all used a little boost to get through those all-nighters."

Karen looked aggravated. "You know, I don't have the slightest idea what you two are talking about." Then she decided to grin and present her gift to me. "All right, my turn."

"You know, the way this is going I'm scared to open it. Is it made out of leather?"

"Nope, metal."

"Body rings went out in the 'oughts," I quipped as I opened it. And metal it was – it was one of those models of the Apollo lunar lander that were a popular novelty in the 1970s.

"Karen – it's beautiful! Where did you get this? These are antiques now, you know."

"It was my grandfather's. I found it in the attic awhile back and was saving it for the right occasion. You like it then?"

"I love it. The both of you, thanks so much for great gifts and a great party. Karen, come over here and gimme some sugar," and we played tonsil hockey for a bit with Cliff looking on grinning and mocking, "aw, now ain't they just the _sweetest_ thing." We lounged around chatting for a few more minutes, then Cliff started an elaborate act of stretching and yawning and excused himself saying it was way past his bedtime.

As soon as Cliff was out the door, Karen started thinking the same thing – grinning at me while asking, "OK Jack, wanna try out your gift now?"

I answered, "Sure do!" as I picked up the LM model and started sailing it over the table. "Houston, we have solid surface radar lock…"

"Tard." She took the LM out of my hand and replaced it with the rubbers. "You know what I mean – finally I can give up my amateur moon-watching. Wouldn't you know that my 'no way' days are when I want it the most. I guess that's how Mother Nature intends it. She's a bitch."

"Gee, uh, you know, a boy scout like me might not know how to use these things. I might need a helping hand."

She walked into the bedroom motioning for me to follow. "A woman's work is never done, is it?"

All in all, a pretty nice birthday. And I've kept the LM model through all these years – in fact, I've got it here in front of me as I write, along with a few other odds and ends to refresh my memories of those times.

* * *

Since my marriage to Popuri, I hadn't had any of the odd dreams that had puzzled and agitated me from the time I'd arrived in the village. My nights were filled with the usual random rehashing and reworking of the day's events – which often made for unpleasant enough experiences. But one evening, the strangeness recurred.

I was seven again, sitting with Mary on the summit of Mother's Hill as the sun set, bathing us both in an unearthly red glow. You know how lucid dreams can be. I had perfect recall of how she looked then – her eyes must have gone bad later as she didn't wear glasses in those days and she looked just as cute as a button. Although she appeared to me as a child, she spoke in her adult voice – quiet, serious and very intense.

"Jack, by now you surely must have realized that we were meant to be together. There's very little time remaining for us, but you can still save the both of us. You see, if we stay separate, it will go almost as badly for you as for me."

"But Mary, how could we get together now? Too much has happened and we're not the same people anymore."

"Deep inside, we _are_ still the same as when we first loved each other. We are damaged but not yet destroyed. But we have so little time left. I'm still waiting for you just as before. You know how to find me if you want me. But I'm so frightened of what's to come – I need you and you still need me. Please hurry."

And then I woke up feeling her presence so strongly that I thought that it was her next to me in bed. But Karen's soft snoring snapped me out of it and back to the ordinary world.

After that, thinking of getting back to sleep was pointless, so I just got up and read at the kitchen table – well, ran my eyes over the pages; my mind was sixteen years in the past, finally recalling that little girl I'd loved so much then and sorrowing for our lost innocence.

I got breakfast ready by the time Karen woke, and if she noticed I was a little abstracted while we ate, she let it ride. We both made allowances for each other's moods, you see. It's part of how we got along so well.

Finally, I couldn't control myself anymore and I asked as casually as I could sound, "Karen, how's Mary these days? I haven't heard anything about her since she went off to school. She doing well there?"

Her face got that dark black look and she mumbled, "I don't know."

"Huh? You two being such good friends, I'd have thought you were writing each other every day and…"

She snapped, "Damn Jack, you can be so freaking clueless. Can't you figure it out?"

We just sat there a moment before she went on in a monotone. "I don't know who told her about us – it could have been her mother, it could have been mine, or Manna…who knows? But _someone_ did. She sent me a letter shortly after we started being together – one of those friendship ending letters." She bit her lips until they turned white. "Her command of the language is awesome – I never knew there were so many ways to say 'betrayer' and 'back-stabber.' I sent her back a long groveling letter full of apologies and excuses but she never replied. I haven't heard from her since."

"Gosh, now I feel terrible. Being the cause of ending such a close friendship – you know, I don't know if I'm worth it…"

I didn't get to finish the thought as she wheeled around with rage in her face and slapped me across the mouth hard enough to bring out the stars.

I stared at her as she hissed, "_Don't ever say anything like that to me ever again! I don't ever want to hear you saying you're not good enough for our being together!"_

We just sat there looking at each other a bit as she simmered down, but she was still intense as she went on. "I'm the one who says that you're worth it and that's what matters. I went into this thing as an adult, knowing full well there'd be a very high price to pay for loving you – _and I accepted it then and I accept it now._ It's all by my own choice and I take the consequences with no complaints."

She actually got philosophical about it. "You know, it's just the nature of the female animal – two women can be life-long close friends, closer than any sisters ever were. But if a man comes along that they both want, then it's all off like the friendship never happened." She shrugged. "It's the way of the world and we can't change it. We just have to live it."

Well, eventually she apologized for the blow, but not for the feeling behind it and she headed off to the General Store a little earlier than usual. The whole day out in the fields, I was as conflicted as in my first days in the village being pulled between Mary and Popuri. I kept having the wild urge to write Mary a friendly, open-ended letter just to see what would come of it. Of course, my serious side was telling me I was insane for even considering doing anything to risk restarting Mary's obsession with me. I considered it possible that she'd throw over school and rush back here if she thought she had a chance with me and I sure as hell didn't want _that_ on my conscience. Well, I ended the workday resolving to do nothing about the matter and I got a little drunker than usual that night.

I should have listened to my dreams. She had spoken truly that indeed there _was_ so little time left.

* * *

_One of those tediously repetitive disclaimers – it should go without saying by now that I don't own any of the Harvest Moon characters, settings, etc. etc. Natsume does, and God bless 'em for it. Neither do I own the song **Je Ne Regrette Rien**. Édith Piaf did, but she's passed on and I don't know who owns it now. But it ain't me._

* * *

**Shoutouts!**

**First, my apologies to people who I owe reviews to – especially amaretto and coke. I've been spectacularly lazy – now, this month, I shall be spectacularly busy with non-fanfic matters.**

**Apple Goddess – I appreciate the praise. Depressing? Yeah. Call it therapy.**

**Roaming Shadow – Yep, I do like to twist the plots around a little. One of these days I'll write a sweet straight-line story just to prove that a pvc story doesn't have to be a wild ride. But this one ain't**

amaretto and coke – Heh. You really think a sadistic bastard like me is going to let Mary get away scot free? Pah! The whole point of this story is that EVERYONE gets messed over real real good. Hang on awhile longer and I'll show you what I mean.

**Belinda – Thanks for your kind words. Here's the more you wanted.**

**And, last in order but certainly not in my esteem**

**Red Sonic – This chapter actually went longer than I'd planned. Originally, there was to be just enough Jack/Karen entanglement to foul up everyone's lives even more. But I got to where I liked writing about Karen. It would be amusing to consider a Jack/Karen fic completely independent of the _Haven_ cycle. Drama it is, and more is to come. Hope you have a hearty appetite for it 'cause I'm dishing it up hot and heavy.**


	7. Mary's Letter

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 7 – Mary's Letter

* * *

The challenges of Winter at Erehwon were confusingly different to me from the three seasons before – I didn't have enough work to keep me busy. No crops could grow in the snow-covered fields, and blowing off the construction of a greenhouse that would have nurtured all weather crops was another bit of slacking I'd done that I was then regretting. All there was to do was keep the chickens healthy and happy, and that was a piece of cake. Karen was handling that job like a pro anyhow. There were little repairs here and there that needed doing but it was pretty close to busywork. Only options I could see were either to go up to (what I called in my mind) Popuri's monster pond and do some serious mining, or else kick back for the season and do some serious lovin' and drinkin'.

Neither option looked attractive. On the one hand, I hated mining with a passion. That year, I'd gotten to liking vigorous physical labor – as long as it was out in the open. The air in Mineral Village was so pure I'd learned to recognize each type of crop plant – and some wild ones - by their smell alone. Those clean country smells, the open skies, the surrounding deep forests and hills, the occasional glimpse of a small critter – I loved it all. Mineral Village would actually have been an ideal place to live if it'd only been Karen, Cliff and I there.

Like I said, I _hated _mining. The physical effort wasn't much more than hoeing up the fields, but the surroundings! Dark and damp and dank, just like I'd always imagined being in a prison was like. If I have to work inside, give me a well-lit room, a comfortable chair, a spacious desk and a continually running coffee pot, thank you very much. The first three seasons, I had no choice but to dig up the ores needed to improve my tools because Saibara was too old and Grey was too lazy (or too stupid, or both) to mine them. But doing it just to keep busy and add a little bit to my already adequate savings didn't appeal to me _at all_.

On the other hand, I didn't want to be idle. It's not that I needed the money – I had over 200,000G saved up (God bless sweet potatoes!) and the profit from the eggs alone would have been enough to let me break even for the Winter if I didn't spend recklessly. It's that I'd gotten pretty damn strong over the course of the year and I didn't want to get out of shape again – remembering all too well what a bear early Spring had been with me clearing those trashed fields while being desk job 'girly man' weak. Besides, I had my little bit of vanity also. I figured I looked as buffed as any hardcore gym rat, only I'd gotten paid to get that way and I was going to keep myself up as well as I could.

Karen thought my physique was pretty good also, many were the times she'd just silently run her hands over my upper arms and chest with that eyes half-closed feral feline look on her face – a prelude of course to the usual acts and the usual results. Through practice and habit, we'd gotten where we were not too shabby together. I was strong and energetic, she was agile and enthusiastic and it worked out OK. I was used to her and it was relaxing to me.

What finally decided me towards mining was a little fantasy of mine. I kept imagining Karen dripping with fine jewelry while otherwise stark naked and the image was very appealing to me. But when I asked Zack about bringing in some items from the mainland, the extortionate prices he quoted shocked me. The guy already knew I was frugal, so he told me about the Orichalcum ore in the 'monster pond' mine that Saibara could work into all kind of elegant pieces for a quite reasonable price.

Yeah, in this world one way or another you have to pay for your pleasures. So the morning of Winter 1 saw me slaving away in the mine – loading up my backpack with Orichalcum and filling my basket with whatever salable ores I didn't want. That mine was as nasty as I'd expected but the ores were of _substantially_ higher quality than the ones in the little mine behind the waterfall. I was quite pleasantly surprised to find Zack handing over 5500G for them at the end of the day, and I suppose my lust for gain is stronger than my love of pleasant surroundings 'cause I became a devoted miner after that settlement.

Earlier that day I'd also placed my order for jewelry with Saibara – he'd shown me drawings of so many beautiful pieces that I couldn't decide which to get first. Finally I had just closed my eyes and jabbed my finger at the catalog, choosing a necklace at random. Three days to create it, he'd said. I figured that Winter 4 would be a pleasant day for both Karen and I, and so it turned out.

We had what we already considered 'our dish' – truffle rice – for dinner. Karen had asked that I not make it too often, as it was very special to her, being a part of what she called 'our first _real_ night together.' "I always want it to be magic to me; I never want it to become familiar like just another good meal." So when I did serve it that evening, she'd figured that I was up to something out of the ordinary and she was showing a little girlishly impatient anticipation in response.

Indeed I did have something special in mind – we went into the bedroom and I asked her to undress before the vanity mirror while I stood behind her watching. She did so with amusement – 'getting a little kinky are we?' - thinking it was just a prelude to our usual evening activities. Well, once she was bare I started nibbling on her ear to distract her while I reached in the drawer, retrieved the necklace and fastened it around her neck while she got all starry eyed watching the proceedings in the mirror.

I got starry eyed also – Saibara may have been a slave driver and a world-class grouch, but in his craft he was a freaking genius. He'd known of course that the necklace was for Karen and had polished and worked the stones so that they _exactly_ complemented her skin – iridescent red against her delicate pink with the white gold links looking like little electric sparks.

She was almost speechless. "Jack. What's gotten into you? It's..."

"It's you, dearest. You were born to wear this – and many others like it. I'm going to be a rich man soon - stick with me and I'll cover you from head to toe in finery. Now, out in the village you can wear this whenever and however you like. But here at home this is exactly how I want to see you – you and jewels and nothing else. You're so beautiful."

"Jack, 'thank you' doesn't even _begin_ to cover it. I just love you so much."

The rest of that evening was _especially_ sweet – probably our sweetest time together. Having her close like that was just so good and right that for the first time I was feeling that holding a torch for Popuri was pure foolishness and that being with Karen for the rest of my life was the way to go.

Unfortunately, the clock had run out on us. It was a good thing that the evening of Winter 4 was so fine that I still remember it like yesterday. The next morning, things started falling apart hard.

* * *

Winter 5 is without question my least favorite day of the year. For years and years my habit has been to take that day off from whatever responsibilities I have, lock myself alone into wherever I'm living, put all communications systems on 'message mode' and stay stinking drunk from dawn to dark – unless I pass out first. I started doing this after Winter 5 of my year in Mineral Village and I know exactly why I act this way. It's a day of mourning. Two people close to me died that day – and one of them was the old me. The increasingly fragile balance of my life on the farm was shattered that day, and from the wreckage emerged the man I've been for nearly 30 years now. The other 119 days of the year I'm just fine with myself – in so many ways I live a good life. But on Winter 5, I mourn for the old Jack – that sweet, open, optimistic and oh so naïve boy. I mourn for her too. She was part of that boy – had a lot to do with making him what he was - and he didn't even know it until it was far too late.

It was a pretty cold day but late morning found me working outside anyways, dinking with the boundary fence that had seen too much weather and not enough attention over the years. I saw her first – running down the town path towards Erehwon with her grace forgotten, all hurried gangly panic, her long brown hair flying every which way. As she got closer I could see her face – I never in my life want to see someone looking like that again – was filled with horror. She screamed to me as she approached the gate, "Jack! Oh Jack, please help me! Jack!" Well, I ran towards her and we caught up to each other in front of Saibara's, her throwing herself crying into my arms.

"Karen, what happened?"

She looked up at me with a hopelessly lost look. "It's Mary...Jack, she's dead!"

"What?! What happened?"

Her eyes were haunted. "It was by her own hand. They found her hanging in her room this morning. Oh no. No. No."

And I held her tight as her sobs wracked her thin body so hard I thought it would break apart.

She was completely out of it, and I led her back to my house and put her to bed, where she curled herself into a ball crying and making incoherent sounds for the whole afternoon. I somehow managed to get some blue grass tea and broth into her – no wine though, that was the last thing either of us needed – and sat on the bed watching over her. She faded in and out of lucidity, sometimes talking to herself in a childish voice:

"Ya know I'm gonna marry Rick when we're grown up, so who are you gonna marry? C'mon Mar, you can tell me. Just our secret, OK?"

"Look at me daaance! Better'n Joanna and Aja at the festival, right?"

"Euuuww! Get it _off_ me, Mar! I _hate_ caterpillars!"

and sometimes just hugging herself and shivering.

As it got towards evening, I was getting worried enough that I was considering calling the doctor in. Karen was nothing if not a strong woman however, and about six she pretty much came back to herself. Well, a 'herself' blank of face, dull of eyes and lacking affect. She joined me at the table for some more tea and vegetable stew, us exchanging talk so small and empty that we hardly saw the point in answering each other. Finally, she decided to go home for the evening – she'd declined my offers both to sleep over and for me to walk her home.

I watched her going out the gate and shuffling along the path into town rather selfishly wondering what this was going to do to our affair. As it turned out, she never spent another night at Erehwon. From that day on – well, it would be too much to call her a broken woman, but some center, some stabilizing factor within her was gone. If you think that simple and childish people like Popuri cause trouble when they act erratically – it's nothing compared to what a mature, worldly type can do when they take a header off the deep end. As I was to find out soon enough.

A little later that evening I went into town to get the news about Mary. At the Inn there were a bunch of people glumly sitting around drinking in silence. Doug was in a pretty subdued mood also, but told me what little he knew.

That lady – so called – from student services must have taken a special course in insensitivity. Ann had picked up the phone only to be told matter of factly that Mary was dead and would her parents 'please call this number back at their convenience.' At least Ann had had the sense to get Basil out of his house and away from Anna before telling him. Not that it'd mattered that much – Basil was devastated but Anna had broken down completely and was in the clinic under observation and heavy sedation. He and Thomas had been on the phone a good part of the day following the progress of the investigation and arraigning the return of Mary's body (he'd not wanted to go there himself with Anna in such a bad way.)

The whole thing was something of a mystery to the university authorities. Mary had been doing well enough in school – not stellar, but that wasn't expected of home-schooled people until they'd had a semester or two to adjust to university life. She hadn't been withdrawn and brooding alone – she'd had the usual round of acquaintances and a couple of girls who called her 'friend.' None of them had noticed anything bad wrong with her – the furthest they would go was to say that she got moody sometimes, but everyone dismissed it as homesickness. She hadn't had any romantic attachments that anyone knew of to depress her, and she wasn't involved with drink or drugs – the coroner had checked for those with null results. She'd left a brief and rather matter of fact note, apologizing for any pain she'd caused her folks but she'd thought life too meaningless and absurd to continue with. Almost a boilerplate suicide note it was – it could have been lifted from any existentialist novel.

The village was in mourning the next couple of days waiting for the authorities to release her body and ship it back for the funeral. I was surprised at the depth of feeling for her. Of course her family and Karen were desolate, but everyone else was dragging around in their daily routine also. I'd always figured that Mary, as nice and as bright as she was, was an unimportant person in the village's life. She'd said it herself – a librarian in a small town where nobody reads. She'd not seemed to take much part in social life – she'd show up at the major festivals and that was about it. But talking to people about her gave me the oddest feeling that she had been at the heart of the village's spirit. They were full of reminiscences about her and Karen's youthful antics, her deep love of the mountain, her regular habits, and her general calm good nature (which I was regretting I'd not seen more of.) Ellen gave the best voice to that, "Knowing Mary was sitting at her desk scribbling away at her stories was like knowing the sun came up in the morning. How are we all going to keep our heads about us without her?"

If the reason for her death was a mystery to most people – well, Karen and I had our dark suspicions. Karen refused to sleep with me those nights, partly out of mourning but partly out of guilt also. "Jack, I'd feel like she was lying between us. I just couldn't bear it. Give me some time to adjust, OK?" I was feeling guilty also. Had she been so obsessed with me and so brokenhearted about my first being with Popuri and then being with Karen that it'd driven her to do that thing?

Finally, I worked on myself to shake off the guilt and take a hard-boiled attitude about her. How did I _know_ that she did it because of me? And anyways, I wasn't really responsible for it, was I? I'd never led her on or tantalized her with the possibility of us being a couple, had I? If she'd fallen hopelessly in love with me and couldn't get over it, well that really wasn't my doing, was it? After all let's face it, lots of people get their hearts broken at some time in their lives, and they're miserable for awhile but then they get over it and move on. I'd just been through that myself. Only weaklings kill themselves because they can't have the one they want, right? It wasn't my fault, it was a failing in her – so I told myself over and over until I kind of believed it. Heartless? Call it that if you wish. I view it as a matter of survival. How could anyone live with the belief that they'd been the cause of death of such a nice and inoffensive person as Mary? That would irreparably blast a life and make it not worth living. And I wasn't about to let that happen to me – she was gone and nothing I could do could change it. I was still alive and I was going to survive and prosper! I was a survivor, dammit!

* * *

The Capitol City police finally closed their investigation with the stock phrase, 'took her own life while of unsound mind' and shipped her remains back to Mineral Village. I stayed on Erehwon the morning the casket arrived – Basil and Anna were the last people I wanted to see then and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I was puttering around the outside of the house looking for busywork (an exercise in futility – Gotz's construction had already withstood two snowstorms with no apparent ill effects) when Harris came dragging in the gate - even though he was at least 10 years older than her, I'd suspected he'd had secret feelings for Mary. He wordlessly handed me the usual bundle of letters and headed back out as I idly sorted through the usual missives from friends, rejection notices from companies, a letter posted from the University..._in Mary's distinctive writing._ In fact, it was postmarked the morning of her death. I opened it – with shaking hands I must admit – and sat right down on the snowy ground to read:

_Dearest Jack,_

_ Of all the things I have to do tonight, writing this letter is the hardest for me. But I could not possibly take the step I am about to take without giving you some explanation of my motives. I must say right at the start – and heed my words well – that I do not hold you responsible for this. If anyone is to be blamed it would be **her** – although in my calmer moments I don't hold **her** responsible either. I'm afraid I'm not thinking very clearly right now so please forgive me if I wander. I suppose if the police saw this letter (need I ask that you keep it in strictest confidence?) they would take it as evidence of insanity. But I believe that I am lucid._

_ I tried my hardest to adjust to the prospect of life without you and who knows, had Popuri stayed with you and the two of you had lived the traditional life of the farm family together, I might have reconciled myself to it. After all, Popuri and I were as close to being strangers as was possible in such a tiny place and her taking you away from me involved no personal betrayal. But the whipsawed emotions inside myself as I heard first of Popuri leaving you then **her** grasping for you have been too much for me to bear. I know how much you loved Popuri but as my heart broke for you upon hearing of her abandoning you, I could not help having feelings of selfish opportunity that with her out of the way perhaps we would end up together after all._

_Such hopes – and my faith that people could be more than predatory animals – were dashed upon hearing that **she** had seized upon your moment of weakness and drawn you into **her** clutches. **She** knew the depth of my love for you – I had confided in **her** our past and my hopes as I've always confided everything in my life in **her**. That **she** would have most selfishly seduced you upon **her** first opportunity is a betrayal that I cannot bear. When I reflect upon it, I can see where **she** was covertly plotting to win you all along. **Her** pretending to be so devoted to getting us together, all the while advising me in courses of action **she'd** cleverly calculated would drive us apart! For instance, **she** urged me to offer my body to you – a thing which I now see alienated your affections from me more than anything else. 'Fight fire with fire,' **she'd** said! I even suspect that **she** somehow engineered the rekindling of Popuri's feelings for Kai in order to get her out of **her** way. Apparently **her** capacity for underhandedly deceptive tactics is unbounded. I loved **her** almost as much as I loved you and the fact that **she** cast my life's hope aside for **her** own gratification makes me realize that this is not a fit world for someone as myself to live in. I have no regrets in leaving it._

_Out of charity, I would like to hope that you and **her** will somehow make a good life together, but I cannot believe it is possible. Jack dearest, **she** will break your heart as **she** has broken mine and knowing that your good heart will blacken as a result is another reason I cannot bear to live any longer. I hope you will somehow heed my warning and distance yourself from **her** before it is too late but I fear the worst._

_ So, in a short while I shall find the oblivion I long for. You see, I can no longer believe in an afterlife governed by a loving God. At least, I hope there is no afterlife and no God. For if He exists, He must be a cruel being indeed – an idiotic sadist who delights in raising up our hopes only to dash them most heartlessly. Non-being is better than to be in the hands of such a God. _

_ I do have one regret, however – that I could not for just one last moment gaze once more into your beautiful blue eyes. Eyes that once held such love for me and such promise of future joys for us._

_I love you_

_Mary_

I suppose that most men receiving such a letter would have destroyed it out of horror and guilt. I seem to be made of sterner stuff as I've kept it all these years – I have it in front of me right now. After all, it's the only remembrance of her I have. And also – well let's face it, isn't the ultimate trophy of male vanity knowing that a woman died out of love for you?

* * *

I couldn't really tell you what I did for the rest of that morning. I suppose I was just wandering around the farm in a daze with Mary's bitter words echoing in my head. About noon, Karen came in the gate and we just wordlessly held onto each other for dear life and cried our hearts out – both of us, I'm not too proud to say. After we'd calmed down some, Karen again gave me that horrified look.

"Jack...did Mary send you a letter written the night...the night she did it?"

I nodded yes.

"I got one also. I suppose you don't want to tell me what she said to you?"

I shook no.

"Me neither."

We never did tell each other.

We were still holding onto each other when Pastor Carter walked in the gate. He was the last person I'd wanted to see just then and I'm afraid I wasn't the least bit neighborly to him.

"Now pastor, if you've come here to give us any more of your garbage you can just turn right around and march yourself off my farm! I've had it up to here..."

The sadness in his face was more than the professional 'burying face' preachers learn to assume.

"No, I came to deliver a message. I'm glad you're here Karen, it's for the both of you. I don't know how to say this diplomatically." He visibly steeled himself and went on. "Basil has asked me – begged me actually – to ask the two of you not to attend the funeral. He didn't give any reasons but I suppose he doesn't have to."

What was there to say to that? Karen and I just nodded at him, he nodded back and left. It took us a moment to collect ourselves.

"Well Karen, that _really_ stinks!"

"Can you blame them? Really, can you?"

"I suppose not. Is it true that Basil's taking Anna to a rest home after this is over?" She nodded and I went on forcefully. "OK, so they don't want to see our faces anymore, but _dammit!_ I feel I owe her a good-bye and I bet you want to say good-bye also."

Then I got a really wild flash. "Karen, you want to pay your last respects to her, right? So do I. Well, that's just what we're going to do! Why don't you meet me at the chapel at midnight tonight and we do it together."

"Jack, he locks the church at night."

"Pah! I've seen that lock. It's like a 'please come in' sign to a guy like me."

She looked uneasy. "Breaking and entering?"

"Not gonna break anything, just jimmy the lock is all."

She was still uncomfortable with the idea, but seeing as it was the only chance she'd get to say farewell to Mary, she agreed to our meeting there and then.

* * *

Funny how reality can mirror the most hackneyed devices of fiction. I mean, full moon at midnight, darkened church with the corpse of a suicide within, secret mourners without – how stock a scene is that? Karen came up to me as I stood in the shadows by the church door – she was wearing a black dress of mourning which was also good nighttime camouflage – and I started right in on the lock.

I hadn't thought she was superstitious, but she was frankly jumpy and she tried to cover it with mundane concerns. "You're going to wake the pastor up with that noise." "What if Harris comes by now?" Which I answered with grunted, "Pastor sleeps sounder than I do." "Harris is nursing a bottle in Gotz's woods now."

The lock was a little tougher – a lot older and rustier – than I'd thought, but finally I sprung it and opened the door with (of course!) an eerie creaking. We went in together – actually I had her by the arm and had to pull just a smidge to get her moving – to see (of course!) an open casket illuminated by the rays of the moon filtered blue by the stained glass windows. It was resting in the same place before the altar as my grandfather's had been – village tradition, apparently. We looked at each other for a bit before I got practical again.

"OK. How do we do this? Together? You first? Me first?"

"Jack, why don't I go first?"

"Right. I'll wait for you in the confessional, then. Take your time."

So she went up to the casket and crossed herself as I went into the tiny booth. All I would have needed was to have run into the pastor catching some z's in there, but the place was empty. After all, he was just joking when he said he was just joking about sleeping in the basement. In fact, he did so at every opportunity. Guy was darn near a narcoleptic.

I wasn't (and am not now) superstitious either, but once I was all alone in that pitch-black booth with no practical concerns to distract me, I got a little antsy too. In the old days (or even now in the case of families like Popuri's,) people got their heads filled with morbid tales by their elders. In our days, the never ending parade of bad supernatural videos provide us with our dark fancies. But wherever the spooks in our heads come from, it was situations like I was in then that bring them out to the front of our minds.

Well, my imagined spooks were running around in my head all right and _I_ was jumpy. Every little creak and scurry – just the normal sounds of an old building – had me anxiously expecting...well, to see Mary's specter come out of the walls to chastise me. I quickly got into such a state that I was anxiously mumbling mixed-up prayers, apologies to Mary, oh, all kind of stuff. A few minutes of that and I'd worked myself up so bad that I nearly screamed when the door _did_ open. It was just Karen, of course. She gave me a concerned glance as I hurried past her on my way out of the confessional.

"Jack, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Now. But I'd advise you not to wait in there. Unless you've got no imagination at all."

"OK. I'll go sit in one of the back pews."

Actually, I could see from her face that she really wanted to get out of that place, but as proud as she was of being a strong woman, she damn well wasn't going to run for it in front of me.

By that time, _I _wasn't so sure I wanted to go through with that thing, but if Karen was going to force herself to be brave, _I _sure as hell wasn't going to be a sniveling coward. I took a deep breath and went right up to that casket.

The top was open to reveal her face, well illuminated by the moon's rays. Like the cliché goes, she looked as if she was sleeping. They'd removed her glasses, but kept her long hair braided. She wasn't wearing the blue jumper over white blouse I was accustomed to seeing her in; they'd kept her in her school clothes – an bluish iridescent nanofiber suit that was the fashionable thing at the time for conservative young women. Somebody had wrapped a clashing scarf around her neck – a hasty afterthought to hide the rope burns. She was actually quite attractive that way.

You know, about the most useless thing in the world you can do is talk to a dead person. But when you're faced with one you still have unfinished business with, you're not thinking too straight. Take it from me. Looking at her lying there, remembering our childhood love and knowing I'd helped put her in that box, I couldn't help myself.

"_Mary, did I really do this thing to you? My dearheart, please forgive me."_

When I started writing this, I know I'd resolved to be brutally honest in recounting those times without sparing myself anything. But I just can't bring myself to write down some of the things I'd said while standing over her. Suffice it to say that I was repeating all the childish but very heartfelt endearments we'd exchanged that glorious summer so long before. That summer when we were young enough so the world in front us still looked enchanted and we thought – or rather felt without words – that we had all the time in the world and that _of course_ we'd spend our lives together loving each other. After all, _I'd promised her.  
_

I finally finished up by bending over her and kissing her long and full on her cold lips. It was our first – and last – full kiss.

"_Mary, I love you too."_

And I turned and went back to Karen, who by that time had her rosary beads out while kneeling at the back. I knelt beside her, we finished the decade together, then left the church. We walked back to the General Store in silence, exchanged a brief kiss before she went in and I went back to Erehwon alone.

Such were the consequences of _my_ choices.

* * *

Mary came to me in a dream that night. I was hardly surprised as emotional turmoil usually induces me to dream strange things. But it's still hard to account for the contents of that dream – to this day I can't see where it just came from my own brain steam seeing that the contents diverged somewhat from what I believed at the time.

We were once again together on the summit of Mother's Hill – the time of day indeterminate, the sky luminous. You'd have thought I'd dream her as wearing something like an angelically flowing robe, right? Actually, she appeared to me in a simple white ankle-length summer dress. Her long black hair was unbraided and flowed freely and she no longer wore her glasses either. She looked like a young woman going on a cruise vacation, but her face was as that of a joyful child looking forward to an endlessly wondrous future.

"Mary, I'm sorry for whatever part I played in this. I didn't realize the nature of the bond between us until it was far too late. I just thought..."

"That I was a homely, ingrown and unwanted young woman who had conceived an unbalanced obsession for you? I can't blame you for feeling that way. We didn't really show each other our best sides, did we? But none of that matters now.

"Jack, it appears that I was wrong about an afterlife. It's a pleasant surprise. Of course, I'm going to have to do a penitence for killing myself. It would appear that the Catholics have some insight into this plane of being with their talk of purgatory. But it will not be a difficult time. It's a matter of learning the effects my actions had on those left behind. It will purify me. I'm actually looking forward to it."

"Just what is it like on the other side, Mary? Have you seen God?"

"I've felt Him – Jesus also. He's _very_ real, Jack. The divines writing of Him as a brother who walks with us – that doesn't _begin _to cover it! But as for you wanting to know the details...well, that's prying on your part. After all, you'll know all about it in your own good time. Anyway, it's hard to describe this state in terms that make any earthly sense.

"But I can tell you one wonderful thing about this state, Jack – it's a state of liberation. I'm free from all earthly cares and concerns. I'm free from all the things in that life that frightened and constrained me until I turned ingrown and closed off in defense. I'm free from that stifling village with everyone pretending to be so friendly and concerned with each other while all the while mercilessly backbiting and scheming to outdo each other at every opportunity. I'm free from that musty, moldy library! Those stacks of dusty books which I read and reread until I could recite them from heart – teasing me, nay, tormenting me with visions of marvels and beauties that I would never experience. I'm free from my well meaning but _oh so constraining_ parents who were _so very pleased_ to have a smart cute little daughter who was going to stay a prepubescent girl forever. I'm free from Karen, from going along with _her_ ideas of what were the _elegant_ ways to walk and talk and act and reshape everyone's lives in _her_ elegant image – not to mention having to feign interest and sympathy while listening to her _endless_ monologue about Mr. Marvellous Rick.

"And most of all, Jack, I'm free of _you_. They say love makes life worth living. I couldn't say of my own experience. I can only say that _unrequited_ love makes for a life in chains. For sixteen years, I waited for you to come up beside me, take my hand, give me that radiant smile of yours and say, 'I'm back!' You never did. You had your reasons, I suppose, but that's no longer my concern. I'm free of that obsessive and unhealthy attraction to you. I can go on to other things now – the cosmos is full of wonders, and I shall partake fully of them. Free from you. Free! I'm free!"

And I was astonished to watch her as she skipped and twirled off towards the distance – so joyous and graceful as to make Karen at her best look like a stumble bum in chains.

"_Goodbye Jack. I'm free! Free!"_

It was just a dream, of course. I didn't believe then and I don't believe now that the deceased can talk to us. I never held with all that spiritism guff – death is a one-way trip where God takes you in to heaven or casts you out into hell. Or possibly the materialists are right and you're just not there anymore. Whichever way, you don't look back at the living. It all _had_ to be just my imagination, right?

* * *

After the funeral, Karen stayed depressed. Her behavior wasn't so alarming as to force those who cared for her to take drastic action, but it was obvious that she'd lost her zest for life. I'd come to know her well enough to recognize the symptoms. She'd go through the day mechanically doing her chores at home and her work at the store - and she still came out to Erehwon in the morning to tend the flock. But she allowed herself no extras. Amazingly, she drank much less than before. According to Cliff, she hardly came into the Inn at all. And she wasn't coming over in the evening to share a few bottles with me before sharing my bed. She'd lost all interest in sex – I'd collect an almost sisterly kiss from her when she stopped by in the morning and that was it. It seemed that most of her spare time she spent alone in her room.

After several days of that, I was getting actively concerned about her state. And yes, to be perfectly honest, I was missing my old playmate also. Everything I tried with her earned me no more that polite tolerance. Offers of her favorite dinners, dancing, sharing better than average wine were all quietly but firmly declined. Even the couple of new pieces of jewelry I gave her – almost still hot off of Saibara's forge – elicited just a brief flash of pleasure before her face froze up again into that closed off disinterest in her surroundings.

The thing was weighing on me so heavily that when I went into the General Store one afternoon, I forgot that Jeff regarded me as being lower than toilet scum and blurted out to him, "She's not snapping out of it. I'm getting _really_ worried about her."

Which just earned me a scornful, "Don't give me that garbage, Jack. Since when did you start concerning yourself with her wellbeing?"

It was the first time he'd _ever_ said anything to me about Karen and I being together. Before, when I'd tried to talk about it to him, he just turned away in silence until I left. I seized the opening he'd made.

"Jeff, I've always cared for her and helped her best I could..."

He cut me off sneeringly. "Funny way you city punks have of showing you care! Dragging her name through the mud, destroying her reputation." He had the same angry squint Karen sometimes showed. "You've exploited her loneliness and treated her like she was lowest type of trash. You care for her? Bull!"

My protest of 'that's not fair!' caught in my throat. It _was_ fair. I _had_ treated her most shamefully. As angry as I'd gotten at the rest of the villagers for throwing muck at me for being with Karen, I couldn't get angry at him. _He_ had the right to.

I sighed. "Look, Jeff, this isn't the way I like to...to be close to someone. I didn't intend for it to be this way. It was just a matter of one thing leading to another and...well, here we are."

"Weak lame excuses! You chose to do it – every bit of it and you're responsible for what's happened to her."

"But look, we do love each other..."

His sneer intensified. "Love? Maybe _she_ loves _you_ – thought she was more sensible than that, but you never really know what's in people's hearts. But I don't believe for a second you love her. Love grows and builds good things together. You know it by its fruits. What have you made except pain and misery for her and everyone around her?"

I protested, "But I _do_ love her!"

"You'd have to prove it by me."

"Now how could I do that?"

"One of two ways. First, you could end it and let her try and get her pride back."

"I couldn't rightly do that. She means too much to me, and that's the plain truth."

"Well then, there's the second way." He ducked under the counter and came back up holding an hinged oak box. I watched as he wordlessly placed it on the counter, opened it and drew back the black silk cloth inside to reveal the most handsome blue feather I'd ever seen.

"I'd been saving this one for Rick and her, but I guess he's never going to claim it. So what about you, Jack? You got any real man in you?"

And we just stood there in silence – him looking levelly at me and me glancing back and forth between his face and the feather.

My mind was going a million kilometers an hour. For the second time that year, I was looking a marriage decision right in the face. And it was more complex than deciding to marry pregnant Popuri. I didn't _have_ to marry Karen. This time, I had a real choice.

I toted up the pluses and minuses real quick. In favor of marrying Karen – we would likely be a pretty good match. We _did_ get along real well - apart from the love we had for each other, we just plain liked the hell out of each other. We were both serious and mature people and would probably work well together in making a good life. Our occasional troubles came and went, usually by our talking through things and making allowances for each other.

And there was a big practical consideration – our being legally a couple would possibly put an end to the downwards spiral I (and she) were making in village society. There's one good thing about conservative rural folks, you see. They just _love_ a _repentant_ sinner – it validates their beliefs and ways of life for a wrongdoer to admit they were wrong and beg to be readmitted to the fold. I mean, I saw it right in front of me – Jeff, who hated what I was doing with his daughter was eager for me to give it up and marry her.

On the minus side – I'd have to give up any chance of getting Popuri back. The physical attraction of my life – a fatal attraction, true - would be over forever. It was the only thing she had over Karen, but for a 20-something guy, it was a biggie. As much as I loved Karen in every other way, when it came to the pleasures of the flesh she was no more – and likely never would be anything more – than a pleasant bedmate to me. And I'd probably never see our child, either.

On the plus side – maybe, just maybe, I could still get back on track to being a big man in Mineral Village. I'd already proven to them I could be as productive on Erehwon as any of my family had been. So if Karen and I did tie the knot – and perhaps if I did some public apologizing to boot – well, I could see myself once again becoming the village's rising star like I'd been that summer. Likely it'd just take some...

And at that point, I got completely disgusted with myself. _For Pete's sake! _The question waswhether or not to marry Karen – _Karen, who loved me with the finest love I'd even known_ – and there I was standing there calculating and war gaming my options and considering my gonads. All the stuff, I saw in a flash of brutal self-honesty, that had gone into making my life there hell in the first place.

And at that moment, I centered myself. Told that critical, calculating Jack to go put a sock in it and I asked myself – what did I _really_ want more than anything else? And the answer came right back. 'Follow your heart, Jack. It's the one thing you have that makes this life worth living. Go to her. Hold her as tight as you can. Never let her go.'

And that was that.

I came out of my concentration seeing that Jeff was still looking coolly at me – but I could detect just a wee touch of anticipation also. Guy _wanted _ me to do the right thing. I finally spoke up - almost whispered in fact - "Jeff...would you really want me in your family after all of what's happened – check – after all of what I've done?"

"You'd be on probation, that's for sure. But it'd be better than the way things are now."

I looked at him awhile longer, started to reach for the feather and stopped.

"But what if she doesn't want to?"

"You never know until you ask."

I reached out, took the feather and looked at it for a bit. It _was_ a beautiful thing – one fit for a princess. More importantly, it was fit for _her. _I put it in my backpack.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Consider it a wedding present."

* * *

With Jeff's permission, I went in their house and knocked on Karen's door. For some reason she wouldn't tell, she'd never let me into her room and didn't then. We talked briefly through the door.

"Karen, could we have dinner together tonight at Erehwon?"

"Jack, I really don't feel up to it tonight."

"It's not monkey business – I've got something really important to discuss with you. Please."

I wheedled her for a bit and she finally agreed to come over 'for a quick bite and a chat – nothing more, please.'

She came over at seven. She was trying real hard to put on a good face and I even got her chuckling a bit telling her stories about some of the weirdos I'd gone to school with. Again, we had mountain salad and truffle rice – but fruit juice instead of wine. She insisted on it, 'I don't need to be drinking just right now – maybe one cup before I go home.' I was actually grateful to her for that; I figured that we both needed to be dead sober for such an important decision. After we'd finished dinner, we sat around the table sipping tomato juice while I started us moving slowly towards the evening's business.

"Karen, tell me the truth. How _are_ you doing now? You know, we're all really concerned about you."

"I know you are. Especially you – I see it in your face all the time, you sweet silly farmer boy." She pursed her lips. "Well, it's no mystery, is it? I'm still feeling guilty about Mary. You know that it was us together that..."

And as she started to scrunch up her face, I took hold of her shoulders.

"Karen, stop it. I know you feel terrible about her – hell, I feel pretty lousy myself – but you know, beating ourselves up over it won't help her one little bit now. Karen, I've always thought that the love and loyalty you have for your friends is one of the most beautiful things about you. But you can't let it turn morbid. You can't let it ruin your life. You've got so much to live for."

"I know, Jack. I know. Look, not to worry – _I'm_ not going to kill myself. I'm not the type. I'm sure I'll come out of it soon, just bear with me, OK?" She gave me an affectionate gaze. "Actually you are bearing with me, aren't you? Poor Jack, I bet you miss your hot sheets romps, don't you?" She reached up and playfully mussed my hair a bit. "You've been patient with me and I appreciate it. It's just that I can't help but think about our thing and the effects it's had on people."

"I've been thinking along the same lines. Especially, I've been thinking about the effects it's had on you. Karen, I'm really and truly sorry about all the trouble I've caused you..."

She interrupted with the slightest touch of annoyance. "Jack, I keep telling you that I _knew_ more or less what would happen and took it on myself anyways. You've nothing to feel guilty about."

"Actually I do. You may have offered yourself to me with full foreknowledge and acceptance of the consequences – but I didn't have to take you up on it. That I took you as my lover was _my_ choice and the consequences are my responsibility also. And the way I see it, we have guilt for a reason. It's to spur us on to turn away from the wrongs we do and to go do the right thing instead. Well Karen, I've treated you badly and I want to put it right here and now."

She forced that defensively blank face she showed under pressure. "So _that's_ what this evening is all about, huh? You're wanting to break it off, then. Well, I can't blame you, I've certainly been no kind of companion for you and..."

"Karen, please _listen_ to me!" I looked right into her eyes – they were troubled even if her face was void. "You know _why_ I've kept you hanging on using you, right?"

She nodded. "Popuri. You still love her and hope she'll come back to you, right?"

"Wrong. I was hoping she'd come back, all right. But I don't love her. Now that I've _finally_ been honest with myself, I see that it wasn't love at all. It was lust – pure and simple. And that's no basis for making a life together. I learned that negatively from her leaving me. And now, you've taught me that positively by showing me _real_ love. Love like she never could show.

"Karen, I'm over her now. I've got you to thank for that. You've shown me what love really is with good heart of yours. And I may be ten different types of fool, but I'm not fool enough to turn my back on a beautiful soul like you.

"Break off with you? Karen, I love you so much that I couldn't imagine _not_ having you at my side. I want you with me now and forever." And her eyes went wide as I drew out the blue feather and presented it to her.

"Karen, will you marry me? I just know we'll make a wonderful life together, you and I. I'll put things right with you, and we'll make a good, decent family. I think your folks will accept us, and then perhaps the whole village. We'll make it together, you and I – you and I forever. I'll give you everything I've got – all my love, all my devotion, all my support, all my loyalty. Please come with me and let us share this life's journey together. What do you say?"

Strong as she was, she still got, well, a little teary at being on the receiving end of some serious caring.

"God...Jack...this I was _not_ expecting! Now what am I supposed to say to all that?"

"Yes or no." I smiled a little. "I'm afraid that we won't have the traditional one week engagement. Getting detached from her will take a little more time than that, I think. But not too much more. Tomorrow morning, I'll get right on the phone to my family's old lawyer in Capitol City and have her get the divorce going. Somehow, I don't think even _Popuri_ would have the gall to cause any problems. But to be honest with you, I'm not going to kick about paying any _reasonable_ amount of child support. I want to."

"Quite rightly. It's not the child's fault."

"Yes. Who knows, maybe we could even win custody – the courts are starting to get reasonable about such things." Karen looked uneasy at that and I backtracked quickly. "But I don't insist on it – it's certainly not a condition! After all, we'll have our own soon enough."

She still looked uncertain. "That's right, you always _have_ wanted a large family, haven't you? Now _there's_ something for an only child like me to chew on."

"Again, nothing I'm going to demand against your will. But tell me we wouldn't have the most beautiful and graceful children in the county. Oh, and I guess the smartest, also. House full of dancing rocket scientist songbirds who can plow a straight row. How's that grab you?"

She giggled and I started feeling a little more confident about the outcome. But then she got serious again.

"Please excuse me, you've got me all aflutter here. You _certainly_ know how to spring a surprise on a poor unsuspecting girl!

"Jack, I hate to do this to you..." and my stomach sank into the ground "...you know, if you had asked me a week ago, I would have jumped it at. And I know I should now." She looked at me with affection. "I know I couldn't do any better than to have you as my husband. It'd surprise everyone to hear me say it, but Jack, you're such a _good_ man. If you've done some...well, unwise things, it's a matter of all the bad breaks you've had.

"But now, with all that's happened...I'm so confused, I don't know what to think. I don't know what I feel." She looked me straight in the eye. "Dearest Jack, I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no. I need some time to decide."

And I was feeling better about it. I figured time was on my side. "Certainly. Take all the time you need." I grinned at her. "After all, I'm not going anywhere."

"You're not? I've heard some rumors to the contrary."

"Is _that_ part of what's got you undecided? It's true, when I didn't see any way out of being the town bum, I started sniffing around out there for somewhere to run to. But with you at my side, I'll stick it out here. If you want, that is. On the other hand, if you _do_ want to split this burg together – well, getting a job might be a bear, but I _do_ have a nice chunk of change squirreled away now. We could live off of it for some time."

She sniffed. "I'm glad _something _good came out of those damned sweet potatoes. Last fall, I felt like _they_ were your real mistress and I was playing second fiddle."

I chuckled at that. "Be glad I'm not still doing space work, then. You'd hardly see me at all. We had a slogan about that, 'married to the program.' Not just a joke, either – I heard the divorce rate among us guys – and gals – was over 70."

"Then I'm _very _glad you got it out of your system as a bachelor! Well, I know the romantic thing to say would be, 'Living with you anywhere would be pure bliss.' But seriously, I'd rather stay here if possible. I know I've talked big about going out into the world and showing them what I've got – but you want the truth? It scares me. This place – oppressive as it sometimes gets – is my home. I don't know anything else."

"Then we'll tough it out here together. And we'll get freaking rich in the process. This farm is a goldmine, you know. And now I know how to work it. Figure I'll net a cool half-million next year."

Love is a wonderful thing, but waving some solid prosperity around never hurts in winning a fair lady either. Her eyes gleamed a little at the prospect. "Are you sure about that? Your grandfather _never_ made _that_ much."

"Don't want to say anything against him, God rest his good soul. But he was just working this place the way my folks always have – uncritically following their ways. Me - I've been putting a little science and modern project management into this farming thing. The sweet potatoes you loved so much? I was getting 19 better yield on them than anyone here _ever_ got. Few little tricks about water distribution and pest control I figured out."

She smirked at me. "Science, huh? Well, don't break your arm patting yourself on the back!" She teased, "Actually, I thought you were using astrology to decide when to plant."

I laughed back. "Nah, I'll use that to decide the best time to plant our little ones." And she laughed with me and I started feeling _real_ good about how her decision would come out.

"Jack – one of the best things about you is you know how to make me laugh. You and I go real easy together, don't we? Most of the time. Look, I'm not going to keep you hanging one second longer than I have to. Believe me, I'm going to be thinking of _nothing_ else until I know." She looked apologetic. "And I hate to do this to you on top of the uncertainty, but I really think it best if I don't spend tonight with you. I don't want _that_ coloring my decision."

"Very well. I'll be saving it for you then. Have been all week, actually."

She glanced downwards and mock sternly observed, "So I see."

"Yeah. So you'd better be ready for our wedding night because little girl, I'm going to put you through some serious changes."

She smirked. "Well, get you! We'll just see who cries 'enough' first, church boy!"

And on that note, we exchanged a much warmer than brotherly/sisterly kiss and wished each other good night as she headed back into town. I downed just one cup of wine, said a few prayers that Karen would accept my proposal, and hit the sack. I lay there for while rehashing the evening trying to figure out her true feelings and fell asleep figuring the thing was about 3 to 1 in my favor.

Well, I never was a very good handicapper.

* * *

**Shoutouts? Is it really necessary to say that I'm grateful to everyone who thought well enough of this little fancy of mine to complement me for it? I suppose it is and I am. One thing that pleases me about writing this story is the very high quality of reviewing it's drawn. Apparently, some very serious and thoughtful people have found _Heart Fades to Black_ worth their time and effort. It's a privilege to write for all of you. Thanks.**


	8. A Nice Cup of Tea

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 8 – A Nice Cup of Tea

* * *

That evening, we had a little front go through that dumped about a quarter-meter of snow on us before dropping the temperature below zero. Typically, the first warning I got of inclement weather was Wowser sleeping next to my chest, and so it was that morning. Little fellow had known for some time how to let himself in (how, I'd never discovered) and I really didn't mind it. Neither did Karen. She never kicked when she woke up to find him curled up all warm and toasty between us. She loved him as much as I did – about her only lapse from her usual unsentimental behavior was her almost Popuri-ish habit of cradling him in her lap and pouring some pretty intense baby-talk all over him. Which he just lapped up. To me it was a good sign, a sign that there were some maternal instincts in her that would be turned to their natural uses when our little ones started coming along.

I was feeling optimistic that morning. While squaring the chickens away (she'd warned me on leaving the night before that she'd probably not show up to do it herself,) I was telling myself that it was just a matter of time before Karen would come back with a 'yes, let's get married.' And knowing her, she'd want to do the thing as soon as possible once she'd made up her mind to do it. She rarely second-guessed her decisions.

So I got to thinking that why should I bother waiting for her formal acceptance to prepare for the wedding? Well, it wasn't like I was planning to reserve the chapel or anything like that, but there was one thing that badly needed doing that I _could_ get started on - cutting the legal bond between myself and the pink-haired slut. It was something, I mused, that I should have done long before.

So, early morning found me crunching through the new snow on my way to the Inn so I could get on the horn with our family's lawyer. Aside from the mails, the phone in the Inn was the only communications channel we had with the outside world. Something I was resolving to change in the near future. I mean, the simple life was peaceful and satisfying all right - I didn't miss having tens of thousands of TV channels – but not even having a phone in my house? That was carrying the rustic thing too far. There'd be some efforts towards bringing Erehwon into the 21st century the next year if I had anything to say about it. Me and that half-mil Karen and I would be sitting on.

Well, as it turned out, I'd set out for the Inn too early and walked too fast, because I went in the door _well_ before the start of normal city business hours. Which left me with time on my hands before I could make my call. I really didn't think that hearing a message on her machine to the effect of 'Hi, this is Jack and I need a quickie divorce!' was what that stodgy old lady needed to start the morning. She didn't even know I was married! Heck, she probably didn't even know I'd been on the family farm that year! Nah, best to wait until she got in and then have a nice 'catch up on things' chat before getting down to business.

Which left me with the little matter of that time on my hands. I thought about chowing down, but my frugality stopped me from ordering breakfast. As good as the Inn's food was, I thought it overpriced. And I could cook all the usual breakfast standards almost as well as Doug or Ann could. In fact I was getting to be a pretty good cook – damn good thing with Karen not able to boil water without setting it on fire – and I was already plotting a coup d'etat for the Cooking Festival the next year in the form of a secret casserole recipe of my mom's that I'd adapted to the locally available produce.

Well, once I figured I had an hour or so to burn, I found myself wanting to talk to Cliff real bad. Talk to him about Karen, that is. I wasn't sure how much _practical_ advice he could give me. After all, I was more experienced in marriage than he was. When I'd confided in him about Popuri, I'd always been looking for advice on how to run an undercover affair – which he'd been pleased as punch to give me, of course. But practical or not, I still wanted to talk to him about Karen. I mean, it was _Cliff_, the best buddy I had in the village. _Of course_ I wanted to talk to him.

I'd gotten to the Inn about his breakfast time – he was typically a late riser – and was steeling myself to be minimally polite to Ann for his sake should I find the two of them chowing down together. In case they _weren't_ breaking fast together, I had a few spa-boiled eggs in my backpack that I'd split with him. I knew he loved the things - hell, most of the villagers did, which is why I'd formed the habit of carrying a few of them around at all times. Never know when you might need to butter someone up, you see.

I waved to Doug (who distractedly nodded back, ) ran up the stairs, started to knock on his door – and stopped and stood there grinning from ear to ear. Evidently Cliff was indulging in a little morning delight that _didn't_ involve eggs and pastries, because issuing from behind that door were the unmistakable sounds of passion.

Ha! So, the Cliff-man had finally gotten the red-headed foghorn's legs uncrossed. Like they say, persistence pays off in the end. After briefly indulging in uncharitable hopes that he was putting her to some rather demanding and humiliating uses, I decided to leave the lovebirds to their own devices and crept quietly back down the stairs.

But when I got to the foot of the stairs, I found out that all was not as it seemed. In particular, my ears were assaulted by Ann's characteristic screeching emanating from the kitchen.

"Dad! Was that six or nine orders of home fries you wanted?!"

"Six! Unless Jack here..." he looked at me questioningly "...is staying for breakfast."

I must have looked real stupid and confused as I shook my head 'no.' Seeing as Ann was not the kind of person who could be in two places at the same time, I was totally puzzled as to who Cliff _was_ playing 'hide the salami' with. The village wasn't exactly overrun with available young things. Had one of our rare tourists come in the night before without me hearing of it, and was she allowing Cliff to act as her special tour guide?

'Curiosity killed the cat.' What a tired old cliché! But there's a lot of truth in it. Ill considered curiosity got the best of me and I crept back up the stairs to Cliff's room and put my ear to his door. And I found out who he was doing the dirty with, OK. They'd just finished up and were engaging in the usual post-mission debrief.

"Cliffie sweetie, that was just _awesome._"

"Yes, wasn't it, darlin'."

_Karen!_ Freaking little miss 'I need some time to make up my mind'! Apparently she did her best thinking flat on her back and legs in the air. _Karen!_ Were _all_ the women in the village low-down cheating sluts? _Karen!_

I was about _this far_ from busting down the door and beating the stuffing out of the both of them. Way I am these days, I'd do it, too. Like how I'd sent that Marla bitch to the ER a few years ago. Her doctor's bills and hush money had cost me a fair wad of dough but it had been worth every G of it. But then...well, I think I've already referred to the wimpiness that was part of my makeup in those days. Not that I was _afraid_ of mixing it up with either of them, mind you. Well, not Cliff anyways – I'm sure I could have smeared him into the ground PDQ. Karen might have been a harder row to hoe, for all I know, she would have just danced around dodging every punch I threw and delivering some well placed kicks in the process.

No, as ticked off as I was, mayhem just wasn't in me. I slunk down the stairs and shuffled back towards Erehwon with my hands in my pockets. Usually, however I felt, I tried to put on a cheerful public face – it was part of the persona I was projecting. Then, I didn't bother. I must have had a 'are _you_ looking at _me_?' air about me because the few people I passed gave me startled glances before deciding not to prod the sleeping bear by greeting me.

Not that I much noticed them. I was deep in discussion with that dark side of mine who had come out of cold storage and was taunting me something fierce. With a purpose, as it turned out.

"Follow your heart, boy? Yeah, you do that very thing. You'll get it broken every single time too."

"Copy that."

"So, what are you going to do about it? Just work off your gronkiness chopping up some wood, then pretend it didn't happen? Or have you had enough of getting fooled by these country whores? Maybe you'd like to be a man for a change and even the score a little?"

"What are you getting at?"

"What I'm talking about is that sweetest seven letter word in the language. R-E-V-E-N-G-E.

"I'm listening."

"OK, she cheated on us. For all we know, she's done it before and likely will do it again. That relieves us of all obligations to her."

"I'm still listening."

"Hell, boy, do I have to spell it out for you? She's gettin' some on the side, so..._so should we_! It's party time!"

"A bit immature, don't you think? How 'bout just blacking her eye?"

"I think you just went through that plan and called it a no-go. Time to consider plan B."

And we did. And ran up against a technical problem – who would the 'lucky' lady be? As I'd observed before, available young women were pretty scarce in Mineral Village. In fact, I could count them on the fingers of one hand with plenty of room left over.

There was Ann. She would seem the logical choice – there would be a pleasing symmetry in doing Cliff's squeeze and a pretty good friend of Karen's at the same time. A hole in one, so to speak. But I had to say nay. Ann was about my least favorite person in the village – even if I was over Popuri (mostly – I'd fibbed a little to Karen about that,) I wasn't forgiving her for facilitating her recoupling to Kai. My pride was involved, you see. So, the idea of Ann in the raw so repulsed me that I didn't think I could rise to the occasion, if you get my drift. And to get practical, even if I could perform with her, who was to say I'd get the opportunity. I mean, was I going to succeed in uncrossing the legs that even master swordsman Cliff had failed to budge? In _my_ dreams!

Besides, you're gonna think me loopy for saying this, but once my initial rage had passed, I really wasn't _that_ mad at Cliff. I mean, it's just the way the guy was – his future preference horizon could be measured in milliseconds. Whenever he saw something good, he grabbed for it and sorted out – or ran from - the consequences later. It's one of the things I liked about him, a completely different take on life from my incessant and compulsive planning. That I'd just been the victim of it seemed more like a natural catastrophe than an act of malice. Might as well take it personally when a hurricane carries off your sweet corn.

So I dismissed Ann and moved on to Elli. Another unlikely candidate – Elli, the original Miss Priss herself. She was firmly in the camp of that faction of villagers who looked in the dictionary for 'immoral city scum' and found my picture illustrating the entry. I mean, she wouldn't even be alone in the same room with me. Whenever I went into the clinic for something, she'd call for the doctor as soon as I came in the door, and he'd come out and just stand there glaring at me until I finished up my business and left.

And there was a practical consideration right there. She and the doctor were quite the ticket. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before they'd do that long march down the chapel aisle together (it happened a year and a half afterwards, I heard.) So, making any kind of move on Elli would likely not improve the guy's already dour mood. I was a healthy guy, but you can't depend on that forever and did I really want to take the risk of being under the care of a physician who hated my guts for good and sound reasons? No thank you.

And besides, she wasn't of the physical type to inspire my passionate nature either. If Karen was too thin, and Popuri was just right, then Elli was too fat. Not grossly obese mind you, but certainly a few kilos on the heavy side of 'pleasingly plump.' She didn't pay any attention to her own warnings about prevention – just about any time you saw her, she was stuffing her face with something sweet and sticky. And here's a tip for you weight-conscious girlies – going to the beach once a week to lie in the sun and dip your feet in the water does _not_ constitute an adequate exercise regime.

And in dismissing Elli...well, I was out of available young things. As I kept shuffling through town, I grumped to Mr. Darkside, "OK, got any other bright ideas?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Look over to your right. What do you see?"

I looked. "The winery. What? You want a drink? Or two? Or a dozen? I'm game."

"C'mon, keep your eye on the ball and save that stuff for later. You know _who_ lives there, right?"

"Is that a trick question? Sure I do. Duke and..." And then I saw what he was getting at. And I also thought he'd been getting into Mary's magic mushrooms.

"Manna? _Manna?_ _You're freakin' crazy!_"

"Am not. _There's_ our candidate. She was hot for us, you know."

"'Was' is the operative word there, pal. She hates our guts now."

"Shoot, just because I got off a friendly little insult at her doesn't queer the deal for life. After all, the objective factors still obtain. Duke's still as sodden – and thus presumably as impotent - as ever. We've still got the kind of bod that makes her weak in the knees – and more to the point, weak a little higher up, too. She's offended with us? Well boy, you'll just have to put her in the focus of that million watt smile and turn on the old charm with her. It's what you're good at. Piece of cake, I betcha."

"You're still crazy! She's old! She's old enough to be our mother – check – she's older than our mom would be. She's gotta be on the dark side of 50. That's disgusting!"

He leered. "That's not old, that's middle-aged. And you know what they say about middle-aged women, they can be hot as hell. 'Specially when they ain't gettin' any at home. Betcha she could show us some tricks these twenty-something girlies never even _heard_ of!"

He was starting to pique my interest. But I was still skeptical. "But...but, Karen absolutely _hates_ her, you know."

"And that's an argument _against_ it?"

"Yeah it is. If she found out, the explosion would be in the high kiloton range. I don't want to be in the same state with her when that happens."

"Now how's she gonna find out? _You_ gonna tell her? And Manna would keep her yap shut about it for the first time in her life – 'cause Duke'd beat the crap out of her if _he _found out. The thing's safe – strictly on the QT. Anyway, you scared of Karen, boy?"

I nodded yes. "And you better be too, if you're smart."

"Wuss. Look, boy, you _really_ gonna let her keep our family jewels on_ her_ leash while she reserves the free and easy option for herself? Thought you didn't like double standards!"

"Well...uh..."

"Look boy, you're so squeamish about it – just let me handle the heavy lifting and you just stand back and watch. But I am going to need your help at the start. Now, here's how we're going to pull this thing off..."

I listened as he outlined his plan. Considered purely as a scheme for a little afternoon revenge dalliance, it had much to commend it. Which is why I ultimately signed on. You see, Karen and Cliff's little thingie had me so upset that I wasn't thinking straight – specifically, I wasn't thinking about longer term consequences. Which, given my luck that year, would inevitably ensue.

* * *

That winter, Manna had changed her afternoon routine. Before, a little after noon, she'd headed right into Rose Square from the winery for her traditional gossip session with Anna and Sasha. But with Anna away convalescing and Sasha not willing to give her the time of day anymore on account of how Manna had targeted her daughter with high powered muck throwing, the thing had been called off. Now, Manna dropped in on Lillia in the early afternoon. Which took her right past my gate a little after noon each day. She'd always stepped fast past Erehwon, face averted and nose in the air which had suited me to a T. But that day, things were going to change and I was going to be the agent of change.

Manna kept right to her schedule. A little bit after noon I saw her leave her house and head down the path towards Erehwon and farm row. That the weather was a bit nippy didn't stop me from executing my plan – I hurriedly doffed my shirt, hefted my axe and launched into fiercely cutting up some brush next to the fence running along farm row.

As cold as it was, I'd already worked up a good sweat by the time she'd gotten to where I was standing. I paused, turned the 'charming smile' knob up to 10 and greeted her, "Good morning, Manna. You're looking fine today." Which just earned me a sour look and dead silence as she passed.

I kept the glow on my face as I went on. "Manna, how have you been doing these days?" This time, her glare was poisonous and she started walking a little faster. 'kay – I saw I had to work for it. I started walking fast alongside the fence until I caught up to her.

"Manna! **_Hey Manna!_** Wait up, huh?"

At that, she did stop, turn and speak. Very harshly.

"What _is_ it? What do you _want?_"

"Just being neighborly. Wanted to talk to you a bit."

"Oh yes? Perhaps you wanted to try out another one of your _delightful_ little sayings on me? Well, you can just go to..."

"Manna, actually I've felt very bad about that ever since I said it." It was time to put on that sorrowful eyed puppy-dog look. "I didn't really mean it and I've been real sorry since that happened." Then a quick change of expression to that confidential look. "You see, you caught me in a _real_ foul mood – Karen and I had been quarreling that morning, I was missing Popuri something fierce and...well, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I was immature and I was wrong. I'm really sorry."

Her expression had cranked down to being merely cross. "Well, you should learn to watch your tongue. Both you _and_ that _horrid_ girl you've taken up with."

"You're right, of course. Uh...Karen's been giving you a hard time about that, right?" She nodded grimly. "Well, I'm sorry about that also – you see, I _had_ to tell her _something_. Someone might have been watching and if it'd gotten back to her, there'd have been hell to pay. You know what her temper is like." She nodded again and I put on a sympathetic expression. "Actually, I tried to help you out there. She was all hot to drag your name through the mud all around the village. I spent an hour persuading her to just keep it between you two. I wanted her to drop it altogether – 'no harm, no foul' is my motto – but that was the best I could do."

By this time, her expression was vaguely friendly. "Well, I guess you did what you could. You see, she really _is_ difficult."

I laughed briefly. "Don't I know it! Should have listened to you there. It's been getting pretty intense lately. So...uh...again, I'm really sorry about all that and I'd like to bury the hatchet with you." I gave her wistful look as I offered her my hand. "Friends?"

She took it. "Friends." I gave her hand a quick squeeze as we let go, and then she looked at me more carefully as I shouldered my axe and used the movement as an excuse to do some muscle flexing. I saw it reflected in her eyes – it was definitely a nibble.

"But Jack, what _are_ you doing out half-naked in this weather? Aren't you freezing?"

"Actually, I was getting myself real hot swinging this big ol' tool around."

She looked startled at my choice of words, then broke out into the kind of giggling that teenies do when talking naughty. A _solid_ nibble.

I nodded over at the brush. "You see, when I cleave bushes like that, I stroke hard and I stroke deep."

Now her sly giggling was uncontrollable. "I'll just bet you do. I imagine that none of them can resist your vigor." On the hook! It was time to reel her in.

"You got it!" I returned her sly grin with a wink thrown in. "But you're right, I am getting cold standing out here. Say, you going anywhere in a hurry? Why don't you join me for a nice cup of tea? I know this great recipe – blue grass for relaxation, honey for sweetness and _just a touch_ of red grass to stimulate and get the blood flowing. How 'bout it? A couple of new friends sharing some hot fluid?"

"Why, I think that would be perfectly delightful, Jack. Thank you." Watching her pneumatically step her way through the gate informed me that Karen wasn't the only woman in the village who had the feral feline pose down pat.

Well, once we were inside my house it took all of 17 minutes (yes I surreptitiously timed it – I was curious) for us to go from sharing hot tea and double entendres to groping each other while swapping spit to climbing into bed together buck-naked. We hurriedly worked through the configuration and alignment checklist and then got hard docked in a jiffy. And oh my goodness, I should have known that the village motormouth would also have been quite the vocalizer in the old sack. In fact, she was so loud that neither of us heard Karen come in until we noticed her standing over the bed screaming.

Well, Manna may have been a great fan of domestic dramas, but she apparently preferred being a chronicler over being a participant. I'll give her this, she was sure quick for a fifty-something – at the first sound of Karen's shrieking, she'd turned white as a sheet, decoupled and dove for cover under the blankets lickety-split. Myself...well I was sticking around for awhile. I figured things couldn't have come out any better if I'd planned them that way. If revenge was sweet, I was sucking on a giant sugar tit just at that moment. I sprawled out on my back, hands resting under my head, showing her both my magnificence and the most self-satisfied grin I could muster. Did I mention that she looked totally enraged? She sounded that way too.

"_Jack, what the f- are you doing?!_"

I maintained my grin. "About the same as what you were doing with Cliff, I should think."

"You pervert! I don't do _that_!" She _had_ walked in on us in an especially compromising position. Then she caught herself and showed a flash of uneasy guilt. "What do you mean 'with Cliff'...?"

"Ah, come on _sweetie_ – you think I don't drop in unannounced on my _best buddy_? The way you two were going at it this morning, you're lucky Ann didn't hear it and come after you with a carving knife. As for me, I'm an easy-going guy. I just figure that what's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose." I reached over and patted Manna's butt. "Right, honey?"

Karen must have believed that the best defense is a good offense, as her fury came back. "But with _Manna! _That's as low as it gets!" She squinted at the quivering blankets, then forcefully swept them back to reveal Manna curled up in the fetal position shaking like a leaf. Karen reached down, grabbed her hair and pulled her up until they were face to face.

"Why, hel_lo_ Manna! Fancy meeting _you_ here! Doing a little poaching on _my territory_?! Or should I say _cradle robbing_?"

I objected, "Hey, I'm 24 you know!"

"_Shut up, you!"_ She turned her focus back to Manna. "Well, don't be thinking you're going to get away with _this_ one – it's not going to go as easy for you as when you were giving the pastor French lessons in the confessional."

Goodness _gracious_, the things you can learn listening in on a catfight.

Her tone turned poisonously sweet. "Won't the whole village be _surprised_ to hear what the _defender_ of our _traditional values_ is up to? What do you think Duke will do when he learns that his _dear wife_ is not only a slut, but a pervert slut?"

She apparently did have _some_ idea - I didn't think her face could have gotten any paler, but it did. Karen pushed her back down on the bed - her again retreating under the covers - then turned her attention back to me, spitting out a long string of most inelegant and unladylike expletives while I just kept smirking like a world-class jerk.

"Karen, relax already! You're gonna lose your looks early if you don't learn how to unwind. Say, why don't you slip out of those clothes and come on over here and I'll show you how we get neighborly in the city. Little thing we call a three-way."

"You _are _a pervert! Well, don't be thinking I'm going to climb between the sheets with _you_ again!" She headed for the door. "Manna, you can _keep_ him! Jack, you can take that blue feather and _jam it up your ass! Sideways!"_ And she roared out of the room slamming the door behind her so hard that it actually did come off its hinges.

For some reason, after that pleasant little visit Manna was no longer in the mood for love. We hurriedly got dressed - her already having that hunted look on her face - and I stuck my head out the door and signaled her when nobody was within eyeshot of the farm. I figured that concealment was pointless with Karen lusting to get even by spreading the news far and wide but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? She made for the mountainside path like a shot and vanished into the woods around Gotz's place. I then went back in the house, kicked back in bed...and laughed my damn fool butt off.

The old Jack – that nice, sweet fool of a boy – was appalled at what had just happened. But I figured it was long past time for a showdown with that punk.

"_What on earth did you think you were doing?_ Now she's never gonna marry us..."

"Damn good thing too. Wise up, boy. You didn't learn _anything_ from Popuri? You want us to get hitched to _another_ cheating slut? Well, I'm calling a halt to the proceedings right now."

"But Karen's different, she's a beautiful person – we're so right together. She just slipped up once because she was disturbed about Mary..."

"Been there, done that. You made similar excuses for Popuri. Hell boy, you groveled on your knees before her and she just laughed in our face and left anyways. Enough already! I'm gonna put a little pride back into this life – and you can just get in the back seat 'cause _I'm_ driving now."

"No you're not! You're heartless and mean. You'll screw up our life..."

"_And you haven't?_ You know _how much_ we've always wanted to take up farming, right? Your niceness and sweetness got us stuck working this place and sucking up to a bunch of lazy greedy hicks." I sneered, "Hell, boy, the only chance _you_ had was with Mary. _She _would have re-enforced all that squishy softness in us by turning us into a nice domesticated husband, farmer, and pillar of the community. _And you blew it!_ You turned your back on her for that pink plush toy. Once you did that, we were playing on _my_ field. And now Mary's gone _and she's not coming back! _Game over."

I laughed, "Heartless? The world is a heartless place. Get with the program. Mean? Nice guys finish last. And I'm sick of losing – I'm going for the gold from now on and you can just_ butt out!"_

He raised a few more dumb objections before I finally shut him up – figuratively pulled his nose and kicked him in the rear. I didn't kill off the poor wimp, however. I've kept him around – on a tight leash. Sometimes he's useful in helping to figure people out and in putting on a pleasant front to get them off their guard while I'm working something on them. But ever since, _I've_ been in control. And I'm a better man for it.

I continue to grin while sprawled out in my bed. I'd figured I'd _finally_ grown up and that nobody would ever take advantage of me again – at least not without paying high for the privilege.

Jack the wimp was dead – long live Jack!


	9. Gone Fishin'

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 9 – Gone Fishin'

* * *

Hoo-_ey_! I thought that the villagers were sorely ticked off when I did the adulterous affair thing with Karen – it was _nothing_ compared to how they viewed me after the Karen/Manna smackdown. Karen didn't waste any time causing trouble for us – she started telling everyone she met what had happened right after she left Erehwon. Everyone believed her of course. I mean, after Popuri's two season baby and the thingie with Karen they'd already been viewing me as a total city rat and a world-class horn dog and were convinced that I was capable of any degree of debauchery. I suppose they would have believed rumors about me and Ellen had anyone wanted to make them up.

I took incoming fire from _all_ directions. I had _cleverly_ chosen to insert myself into the middle of the village's most intense rivalry. Nobody and I mean _nobody_ was a neutral between Karen and Manna. And the partisans of each hated my guts. Karen's fans had been sort of happy that she'd gotten a guy – however ineligible – and were hoping I'd sooner or later divorce Popuri and make an honest women out of her. Now to them, I was nothing more than a low down cheating rat. Manna's chums – or at least confederates – figured I'd gotten her worked up somehow and then had taken unfair advantage of her. Not too far off, that – even if it wasn't anything she wasn't willing and eager for.

Hardly anyone would even talk to me. I was banned from the General Store – even a wee cowering mousie like Jeff had his limits. When I returned the blue feather to him via Zack (who was also snarly towards me, Karen fan that he was) he told me that Jeff was openly threatening me with bodily harm if I ever had anything more to do with Karen or even set foot in the store again. Not that I was scared of him, it was just a matter of good taste to me. I figured that pounding him into submission would have been as unfair as beating on a kitten. So I stayed away from the place and did all my buying from Zack – who took to rooking me with some pretty stiff markups.

Staying clear of Karen wasn't hard – on the rare occasions we saw each other around the village...well, we didn't see each other. She wouldn't even look at me and completely ignored me the few times I called out to her with some vague idea of trying to patch things up. Cliff _I_ ignored. Just because I accepted the fact that he was an irredeemable louse when it came to women didn't mean I had to like it when he stole one from me. I had no idea how intense their thingie was as I was completely out of the gossip loop at that time. And I stayed away from the Inn also. Doug hadn't exactly _told_ me to stay out but he wasn't any too happy with me - mostly for causing unrepairable trouble among the townsfolk Personally, he was as near to a neutral as it got – Manna being the wife of his executive officer and Karen being just about his best customer (if I'd had to wager on the proposition, I've had laid 6 to 5 that he was pro-Manna.) And at the Inn, I'd be sure to run into Karen or Cliff – or both. I'd figured it best to seek a quiet life by avoiding the place.

Well, _most_ people ignored me. I had some trouble with Gray for a while. Somehow, he'd wigged to the fact that I'd had something to do with Mary's death. Once he'd thought my name was mud enough so that showing me overt hostility was socially safe, he'd gotten into the habit of yelling nasty remarks at me when he went to and from work. I ignored the little weenie for as long as I could, but that morning when he shouted 'murderer!' at me, I reached the limits of my tolerance. I motioned for him to come over to where I was standing and he swaggered right over with this really overconfident look on his face. I guess he was expecting we'd just trade insults and I suppose I disappointed him. I didn't say a word to him. When he got within my reach I just cold-cocked the bastard and he went right down. Yeah, I suppose those couple of kicks to his head while he was lying there were gratuitous but I figured there wasn't anything in there he was using and it sure felt good. He spent a few days in the clinic and I paid his bill – fair's fair. After he got out he never even so much as _looked_ at me again. Everyone else in the village learned from his example because I never got any lip from anyone else for the rest of my time there.

I _did_ run into Manna shortly after the blowout – we happened onto each other passing by the forest in back of Rose Square. Karen had been right about Duke's reaction, OK. He may not have been doing his _beloved_ wife anymore but still must have wanted to keep the option all to himself. Her face was mostly black and blue – not to mention those two _magnificent_ shiners she was sporting. But she _did_ talk to me, briefly, all the while nervously glancing side to side for prying eyes.

"Jack, I'm sorry but I just can't afford to be seen with you again. I don't think I could take..." pointing at her face "...another round of _this."_

"I understand. No hard feelings. You know, I really _didn't_ know Karen was going to come in then." I grinned at her. "I kinda regret the interruption. I like to finish what I start. You were pretty damn hot, you know."

She returned my grin. "As were you. It's a crying shame, thirty more minutes and we would have been in paradise."

_Thirty minutes!_ Ouch, my aching back.

She went on in a hushed voice. "You know, if it had been anyone other than that _wretched shrew,_ I wouldn't have minded trying that three-way."

"Heh. Well, if we ever happen to meet outside of this place, we should set something up."

"It would be a pleasure. Please excuse me, but I _must_ be off now. I have to drop in on Lillia. The poor thing, she's just about on her deathbed now. I keep her company and try to cheer her up best I can, but it doesn't seem to help. Nothing does."

And darn if she didn't hastily glance both ways, then give me a quick smooch before hurrying off towards Chicken Lil's.

Tell _me_ fifty-something ladies can't be right fine playmates.

Even the _Harvest Sprites_ were alienated. One day when a snowstorm threatened, I went to hire them to tend my chickens. Not only did the little creeps flat out refuse to work for me, but they razzed me in unison! You know, I was just outgassing when I threatened to squash them like bugs – I was just going to kick them around a bit for fun – but they weren't taking any chances. Quick as a jiffy, they'd formed a ring around me and danced while doing some really spooky chanting. I faded out only to come to at the top of a tree halfway up the mountain! The one that Popuri always claimed could talk – the ideas that superstitious bumpkin got. Getting out of that tree and back down the mountain was a bear as my guts were on fire the whole time. When I got home, I found out why – a prize winning cucumber had been indelicately planted in a most delicate portion of my anatomy and I had a devil of a time extracting it. From that day on I gave those day-glo freaks a wide berth. I knew when I was outclassed.

* * *

The biggest problem I had that winter was getting enough to drink. I wasn't fool enough to go into the winery. The couple of times I'd seen Duke from a distance, he got red-faced and shook his fist but he didn't come after me. I guess for him discretion was the better part of valor – beating up a middle-aged housewife was an easier project than taking on the guy who held his own against street fighting Kai. But I still watched out for him. He wasn't stupid in any ordinary sense and I figured if he _had_ come looking for me, he'd have been packing heat. And I didn't have any.

Like I said before, I viewed drinking at the Inn as far too twitchy a pastime. And Zack flat out refused to get me any liquor, 'that's the root of a lot of your problems, Jack.' The _hell_ it was. It was the _freaking villagers_ who had been kicking me from pillar to post. But he was unyielding.

I finally found the solution to my thirst problem in the person of the old fisherman, Greg, who I'd seen every now and then by the ocean but had not gotten to know. He stayed to himself even more than Gotz did – he lived with Zack and didn't talk to anyone else – and as it turned out, he was far enough removed from village society so that he didn't hold the chaos of my love life against me. I encountered him early one Saturday morning on the docks where I was...well, wasting time longingly watching for the _Coastal Princess_ to come and go. He came up real quiet like, sat down beside me and started casting his line out without a word. I already knew fishermen had a thing against loud talking so I kept it down.

"Morning Greg, how's things?"

"Not too shabby. You come here to fish?"

"Nah, I came to spit in the water and watch the clouds go by."

He chuckled at that. "Being lazy, huh?" He pulled out a small old fishing pole and held it out to me. "Why not be productive while being lazy? Want to give it a try?"

I took it. "Don't mind if I do." We sat side by side for awhile trading the smallest of small talk while I pulled in and threw back a few small ones. Then it got interesting.

"Jack, heard you've had some woman problems here."

"That's affirmative."

"Women! Nothing but trouble, the best of them. And slobs like us don't run across the best of them. I was married once, long long ago. Girl by the name of Candice. Had a kid by her, then she ditched me."

"Sounds strangely familiar somehow."

"Then took up with this girl name of Tanya. We had some pretty good times together, then she ran off with another guy. Her husband actually."

"Still sounds sorta familiar."

He chuckled. "Ever since then, haven't had any traffic with 'em. Don't miss 'em either. Take my advice and steer clear of them. Of course, it might be hard for a young fellow all full of ginger."

"Figure booze might drown it – just haven't got the dose right yet. You like to drink?"

"Yeah, but I don't."

"How's that?"

"Kind of hard in this place when you don't have the ways and means. Don't make any money at fishing and Doug and Duke both want gold on the nail."

Then I got a flash of inspiration. I put my arm around his shoulder and started in, "Greg my man, I have a little proposition for you..."

An hour later, Greg came into Erehwon toting four crates of Duke's standard table red. We concluded our joint venture by divvying up the loot.

"Two for you and two for me. Good deal, Greg. Duke give you any hassles?"

"I think he was curious as to where I got the moolah, but hey, money talks with that old fart."

"If he gives you any trouble next time, just tell him your ship came in." I laughed. "Just don't say it was the S.S. Erehwon or he'll gut you like a fish."

He picked up his crates and started home laughing. "Sure thing Jack. Until next time."

OK, so it amounted to a 100 percent markup. But I got my hooch. Mid-winter that year, I was doing some serious training for the drinking contest. What drinking contest, you ask? Whichever one came along! I started first thing in the morning with a few cups - it was a hangover remedy I'd learned from Karen. It's the only one that really works. I'd get the chickens squared away, do a little mining, then get into some serious elbow bending while working on my correspondence. Sometimes I thought of Popuri – or rather the child she was carrying. Doctor's best due date estimate had been Winter 11 and I was getting kind of curious as to what was happening. So I was pretty impatient each morning waiting for the mail. The waiting made it that much sweeter when I finally did hit the lottery.

* * *

For a season, I'd kept faithfully plugging away at writing anyone who might help me get out of Mineral Village. The responses I got from friends and associates all went something along the lines of, "An engineering job right _now_? You're freakin' _crazy_!" Resumes sent to aerospace corporations and contractors all elicited the canned response, "Thank you for your interest. We have no positions open at this time but we'll keep your resume on file..." etc. etc. But I kept going – it wasn't like I had much else to do and I was always hoping my number would come up. Ah, youthful optimism!

When my number _did_ come up, it was right out of left field as those things usually are. Guy I'd worked with at Dynatech by the name of Josh took some time to reply to my letter. Reason was he'd moved and the mails weren't forwarded too efficiently in those days, but he'd finally gotten it and replied - from the State University. He had gotten into the astronautical engineering doctorate program – and especially interesting to me was his comment that there were still several slots open.

Before, I'd always wrinkled my nose at the thought of grad school – after doing several years of _real_ rocket work, the idea of going back to the sandbox of school was uninteresting. But that was when I was new to the village and was convinced I'd become a big man there. Before the days of Popuri and Kai and Karen and Manna. By the time winter rolled around, the thought of classrooms and labs – and those nice three big letters, Ph.D. after my name – started feeling pretty warm and cheery. So figuring I had nothing to lose, I just wrote right to Dr. Jenkins – the department head – asking if I might be put on the waiting list for the graduate program. The guy had liked me when I'd been there before, so going to him direct seemed the way to go.

It sure was! I got his response by return mail. Not only was there a slot open, but it had my name on it. There was even financial assistance attached! He'd taken the liberty of starting the enrollment procedure for me and said that all I had to do was show up at his office, sign some forms and I was in. Knowing a deal when I saw it, I answered _his_ letter by return mail telling him it'd take me a few days to wind up my affairs in the village, then I'd report for studies.

I hurriedly compiled a shutdown checklist that was going to be a damn _joy_ to go through, because the item at the very bottom was 'kiss this lousy burg _goodbye!'_ I showed up at Mayor Thomas's house later that morning to tick off the main item – getting shucked of Erehwon. Of course he couldn't do anything by himself – figurehead that he was – so he suggested I wait at the Inn while he fetched Doug and Duke. Half an hour later, the four of us were seated and discussing just how the thing was to be done. Their attitudes were pretty complex. On the one hand, they were visibly relieved that they were going to be rid of one of the most disruptive people ever to rip asunder the facade of village peace. On the other hand they weren't happy about having Erehwon on their hands with none of my family working it for the first time in nearly three centuries. Hearing them talk, I got the distinct impression they would have been glad for me to stay on as something akin to a highly paid farmhand who otherwise stayed completely aloof from village life. In their dreams!

Well, together they finally drew up some kind of instrument whereby I surrendered my rights to Erehwon and all value I had added to it, apart from portable personal effects – including cash. I very much insisted on keeping my cash. Doug was persistent about putting in a clause to the effect that the right of the village to offer me use of Erehwon in the future not be prejudiced. Cagey fellow to the end, him – I raised no objections as I damn well knew I'd never exercise it. So we finally got the document in mutually agreeable form, we all signed it and thus in two days hence, Jack and Erehwon would be free of each other.

We all stood up and they glumly shook my hand and wished me luck, then Thomas and Duke left. But Doug still had a little business with me.

"Jack, there's the matter of the 16,380G you still owe on your house." Mostly owed him personally, I happened to know.

"Owe? How's that? It's not my house anymore."

He got very stern. "Don't play games with me. We advanced the money and we expect it back – every G of it. I know you've got it and plenty more." Of course the guy knew my finances down to the last G.

I just answered his sternness with my winning smile. "Sure I've got it, but I need it all. Hard times out there, you know."

He was getting visibly angry. "Damn it, I know your tuition and living expenses are already covered! Now stop being a welsher and pay up!"

I just kept my smile at high intensity which infuriated him even more. "True, but I need some reserves in case the grad school thing doesn't work out. Remember, the last big depression lasted for 12 years. Who knows when I'll see any income again? Besides, what's all this talk about 'owing' and 'welshing'? Show me something I signed saying I owe anyone anything."

"Damn you! You know that was a gentleman's agreement!"

"Hasn't everyone in this place been going around the last season saying I was no gentleman? Look, I'm not taking the house with me, so you're keeping everything you paid for. What I've paid already is more than fair rent."

"Nobody here has any use for that house!"

"Not my problem, Doug. Look, the money all stayed in the village so it's just a matter of you people owing it to yourselves. Actually, Gotz got most of it. You can squeeze it out of him with those overpriced drinks of yours."

He blustered some more but we both knew I had him over a barrel. I finally walked off with him making some meaningless threats involving lawyers and lawsuits. Good luck, chump! All the way back to Erehwon I was figuring it must have been the first time in decades that someone had gotten the better of him in business.

It felt _real_ good.

* * *

There really wasn't that much more to do in preparing to leave. Disposing of the animals was the big thing. Early on the morning before I left, I stuck a note up on Chicken Lil's gate with a knife (an old rusty one.) "You want chickens? Come and get them! To pay for Lillia's medicine _only_." Knowing Rick, fifteen minutes after I'd cleared out of Erehwon forever, he'd be in the coop scooping up the hens. I didn't much care. I didn't have any sentiments for the chickens – they were stupid.

Wowser was more of a problem. I loved the little fellow. For awhile, I thought about bringing him along with me, but ultimately had to dismiss the notion as a pipe dream. He was a farm dog, used to having the run of the fields and he'd most likely be miserable cooped up in a tiny dorm room. That decided, I considered just leaving him at Erehwon, but that seemed cruel also. He was used to human company and besides, I wasn't sure but that Rick might take out his hatred for me on him once I was no longer there to protect him.

Finally, I decided to give him to Elli's little brother Stu. Boys and dogs naturally go together, right? I felt sad thinking about Stu. The poor little guy was lonely as hell. The only other kid in town his age was May, and living on opposite sides of the village as they did meant they hardly ever saw each other. Besides, that town/country barrier stood between them – Elli was downright snooty when it came to her and hers socializing with us 'dirt-scratchers.'

I showed up at his house carrying Wowser and he and Stu hit it off right away which made me comfortable with the transaction.

"...and remember Stu, he grew up on the farm so he likes being outdoors a lot. Let him out whenever you can, OK?"

"Sure Jack. You know, you never did come over and play with me."

"I know. I'm sorry about that but, well, one thing or another kept getting in the way."

"Girls, right? That's what everyone says about you – you can't stay away from girls."

"That's about right."

"They sound like nothing but trouble. Yuck! I'm never going to get married!"

Somehow, I didn't feel like arguing the point with him.

* * *

My last day on Erehwon was pretty uneventful. I fed the chickens one last time, gathered up some eggs and instead of shipping them, whipped up the mother of all omelettes for myself. I spent the midday securing the house and packing up what personal effects I wanted. Mostly, these were the books I'd brought with me, plus the diaries of the ten generations of my folks that had lived and worked there. End of the line. There were also a few keepsakes – my wedding picture, Mary's last letter, even Karen's LM model. I'd thought about leaving that behind, but something told me that once the bitterness had faded with enough distance and enough passing days I'd get a kick out of looking at it and remembering our good times together.

About three, I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing so I went up to the to-do list next to the calendar and checked off the bottom item, 'Winter 19 – End farming career,' took one last look around that nest of domestic bliss, and walked out of the house and through the gates of Erehwon forever.

Nobody spoke to me as I made my way through town to the dock. I returned them the favor. I made myself comfortable and waited for the _Coastal Princess's _five o' clock arrival, confident that nobody would come and bother me with any insincere good-byes.

I was to get one last Mineral Village style surprise, however. Looking into town, I watched Karen come out of the General Store and walk to the beach. She looked my way, hesitated a moment, then visibly braced herself and came onto the dock and sat right down beside me. We just sat there silently staring at our shoes for a bit until I decided that it was childish.

"Hi Karen. Whatcha doing here?"

She kept studying her feet. "Would you believe fishing?"

"Nope. You don't have a pole."

"Actually, what I'm fishing for is..."

I gave her a side glance. "Friendly good-byes and no hard feelings?"

That earned me a trace of her typical crooked grin. "Yeah. That's about it."

And at that point, I let that sweet boy out for a little romp. Understand, I'm not a _bad_ guy, just a tough one. I figured what was the difference, I'd be out of that place forever in an hour. I did keep a firm grip on the leash, however.

"I don't see why not." I gave her my hand and she took it and held it. "You know, I didn't say good-bye to Cliff. How is he?"

She shrugged. "How should I know?"

"Huh? I thought you two would be quite the couple by now."

She looked at me levelly. "Jack, believe it or not as you will, but we only did it that one time. How could you think that such a silly irresponsible boy could be my type?"

"Then what was that all about?"

"What it was...after you proposed to me, I was conflicted as badly as I've ever been in my life. I knew I loved you, but I didn't know if you were really over her, I didn't know but that Mary's death would poison the whole thing...I didn't know if I wanted to give up my freedom and become a farm wife.

"I hardly slept at all that night thinking of all that. I went to the Inn that morning looking for a heart-to-heart talk with Ann – I know you don't like her but I always have and she's got a level head on her shoulders. I've always valued her advice.

"Well, when I went in, I saw Cliff standing in the door of his room with that rakish smile on his face – you know it, right?"

"Do I ever."

"And right then, like a flash, that bad Karen came out and whispered to me, 'OK girl, here's your chance to see if you want to be a domesticated farm wife or a sophisticated town girl. Seize the moment!' And I did. I went up the stairs to him and turned on the charm. You saw the results."

"Yeah. Heard them, anyways. I guess he's a pretty easy guy to seduce."

She snorted. "That's for sure. Quick to get going and quick to finish also." She grimaced, "He's a minuteman," and I chuckled despite myself.

"Jack, I'm not going to say it was right, but I'm not going to apologize for it either. It made up my mind up about things."

"So, you decided to go the sophisticated townie route then."

She had one of the most bittersweet smiles I've ever seen. "No. I'd made up my mind that I _didn't_ want to screw around – so to speak – with my life anymore. You know why I came out to Erehwon that afternoon? I was coming to accept your proposal. I was ready to marry you."

It took me a minute before I could respond to _that_. "You know, I can't help but reflect on the absolutely _perfect_ sense of timing I've developed here. If I had just talked with you then instead of playing 'don't get mad, get even'..."

"Yeah. You know, I was _furious_ with you _then_..."

"Tell me about it."

"...but except for the fact that you chose _Manna..."_ and she showed a quick flash of anger which just as quickly faded "...I can accept where I had it coming. Of course at the_ time_ my temper was totally in charge. By the time I'd calmed down, I'd already blown our thing out of the water shouting about you and Manna all over town. But Jack, why didn't you try and get even with me for that?"

"How would I have done that?"

"By telling people about me and Cliff. It would have been a mitigating factor for you."

I sniffed. "Didn't want to."

She got that gentle look she'd show on rare occasions. "You're old school. 'Gentleman never tells on a lady,' right? You know, I'm glad we got to talk about this. I was scared to come here not knowing what kind of reception I'd get from you. But I sucked in my gut and did it – I've got Mary to thank for that."

"What do you mean?"

"It's something I've learned from...from her death. You know, as bad as feelings were between us, I'd always figured in the back on my mind that maybe with time she'd cool off enough so that we could somehow repair the damage. So I didn't try and reconcile with her after that one letter. I assumed I had all the time in the world. You know, you quarrel with someone and then you think you can always apologize and make nice with them sometime later. 'They'll be there. What's the hurry?' But sometimes they aren't there anymore and you can't. Sometimes you run out of time. I ran out of time with Mary – now, there's no changing the fact that she died regarding me as an enemy. It'll be that way for all eternity. Well, I wasn't going to let that happen with you and I if I could help it."

"Karen, I never hated you. I guess it just that...after Popuri, I decided I wouldn't let myself be played for a sucker by any woman ever again. I still think the _thought_ is worthwhile – even if the method I chose was perhaps a tad immature."

She smirked. "A tad?"

"Well, a guy does what he can, you know."

"As does a gal."

And as we were looking at each other with that old simple liking we'd had at the start of our acquaintance, the _Coastal Princess_ rounded the point, bell ringing.

"Heh. Right on time, Karen."

"Yes, damn him. Why couldn't he be late just this once?"

And then we surprised each other – and ourselves – by falling into each other's arms and hugging each other tight like the world was about to end.

"Oh God, Jack, I'm going to miss you so much! I wish I was coming with you."

And at that point I thought it best to jerk that leash a little, lest that silly boy say something really stupid, like 'why _don't_ you come with me, then?' Keep it light, boy, just keep it light. Because we're getting on that boat _alone_.

"What? As a grad student's popsie? Sharing a bed barely big enough for one?"

"Well, I'd be on top, right? You'd crush me otherwise!" She laughed a little while wiping her eyes. "Please to excuse me for getting all weepy on you. Just wait a moment and the real Karen will be back with us – that cold hard bitch!"

"I think we just saw the _real_ Karen right here and now. Just like the real Karen was that starry-eyed kid, tossing flowers into a pond hoping to lure the Fairy Goddess into coming out and granting her wishes."

She looked at me with wonderment. "Jack, how did you know about that?"

I smiled. "My grandfather's diary. He wrote a lot about you. He called you 'the granddaughter I never had.' He really loved you, you know."

"Yes. As I loved him." She got serious-faced again. "What's going to happen to Erehwon now with all of you gone? You know, we're going to have another town meeting later this week to try and figure that out. You have any ideas?"

"How about you taking it?"

"You've _got_ to be kidding! Being a farm wife would have been enough of a stretch, but a farmer girl?" She grimaced.

"You'd have to work on your upper body development, that's for sure."

"Me a muscle woman? Next you'll be wanting me to shave my head. _Forget_ it!" She clearly wanted to change the subject – the boat was getting nearer and she still had a few things to say.

"Jack, if I wrote you, would you answer?"

"I sure would. Let's see... I don't know where they're going to put me yet. Just write to me in care of the Aero/Astro department and they'll see that I get it. Don't be disappointed if I don't reply immediately – first couple of weeks at school are pretty maniac. Say, I just thought of something. Would they deliver any letters to you from me, or would they just trash them?"

She looked troubled. "I don't know. They might."

I thought quickly. "What's your favorite dance magazine?"

She got it immediately. "Why, _World Dance_ of course. They come out twice a week with all the latest dish."

"You'll get each issue as soon as it hits the newsstand – with a special insert."

She grinned. "You're a sneaky man."

"Learned it all from women."

"Oh, since we're parting friends, I guess it's OK if I give you this, then." She reached in her bag and presented me with a bottle of Aja wine.

"Karen! Thank you, but I can't accept this from you. It's worth a small fortune."

She grinned. "Yeah, but I didn't pay a small fortune. I won it at the horse races. You don't feel comfortable taking expensive gifts from women? You don't mind giving them, though." She pulled at the collar of her t-shirt to show the necklace I'd given her at the beginning of winter.

"It still looks beautiful on you. I'm surprised you kept it."

She laughed. "Let me tell you something about women. When we're mad we may tear up pictures and love letters – maybe even items of clothing. But we _never_ discard fine jewelry. Look Jack, take that wine with you and keep it in a cool dark place. When you finish your degree, we'll celebrate and drink it together."

Why not let her do something nice for me? "OK, it's a date. Hope you're not in a hurry for that drink. Figure it'll take me five years."

She gazed at me with some respect in her eyes. "A Ph.D. That's really something, Jack. I know you'll do it, too. Basil talked sometimes about when he was working for his – said those were some of the best years of his life." She gave me a tentative look. "Of course, he had Anna with him then as his new bride."

Another jerk on the leash. Don't even _think_ about it, boy.

"Gosh Karen, I didn't even think about getting you a gift." I thought quickly, took off my cap and offered it to her.

She squinted at it. "_What_? What kind of gift is _that_?"

"You can take it off somewhere and burn it like you're always wanted to."

Then she surprised me by making a wry face, taking the cap from my hand and putting it on her head – visor forwards.

"I've got a better idea – I'll wear it around the village and _really_ mess with everyone's heads. But I'm not wearing it tard style – I draw the line there!" She reached into her bag again and drew out a bottle of Duke's standard table red. "Here – to keep you warm on the bus."

I promptly stuck it in my backpack. "Now, _this_ I can take from you with no qualms!"

At that point, the _Princess_ was coming up along the dock. I could see that _someone_ had had a good year – John was at the helm, wearing a mate's cap set at a stylish angle, looking sharp and confident as he skillfully steered the boat into position. He nudged Captain Willowbee, who had been napping alongside him in a deck chair, then cut the engines, jumped down onto the main deck and started securing the boat to the dock. Zack came out of his house and wordlessly gave Karen and I a puzzled look as he started loading cargo into the boat. Willowbee went into his usual bellowing routine.

"Mineral Village! All ashore who's going ashore!"

We looked at each other with fondness. "Well, Karen, I guess this is it. Sorry that it didn't work out, but we did have some good times together, huh?"

"We sure did. Jack, you take good care of yourself."

"You also. And bear down hard studying for that CPA, you hear?"

"I've already started. Figure it'll take me two, three years. What's the rush?"

"Heh. You'll have your credentials before I do. We'll have to celebrate it together."

"I'm looking forward to it."

And once again we were in a close clench, lost in a bedroom kiss. Once again we broke it off with her touching my cheek and whispering, "love ya, Jack."

"Love you too, Karen." I picked up my bag, snapped her off an ironic salute and climbed aboard.

John and I grinned at each other. "Hey John, get you! You've sure got your sea legs now. What happened to that boy swabbo I saw beginning of the year?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I am getting the hang of the nautical life. Skipper lets me drive now – 'cept in the Edgeport channel. Still got to learn that. Next year, I betcha." He leered a little. "Say, that was _some_ show you were putting on with that fox! You two are _real good_ friends, I take it?"

I winked. "You could say that." I shouted up at Willowbee. "Hey Captain, carry me to to Edgeport?"

"Sure thing young fellar. 300G as always. Jus' give it ta John."

I handed over the coins as Zack hauled the last crate into the ship and gave Willowbee the 'all done' sign. I'd always liked the guy so I decided to try a good-bye of sorts.

"Hey Zack, do me a favor, will ya?"

He silently waited with just the faintest touch of a smile.

"Keep an eye out for Karen? Make sure she doesn't get into any bad trouble?"

"I always do, Jack. I always do. Ya know – there were a few times there when I almost pounded you into the ground 'cause of her." I didn't know if he was joking or not. He offered me his hand, we shook "Good luck, pal," and he jumped off the boat.

The captain gave his usual call of 'All aboard who's coming aboard!' gave John the sign and he cast off, climbed back up to the bridge, started the engines and we were off.

As we pulled away, I swept my eyes over the deceptively peaceful looking village, sleeping under the deep winter snow. But what mostly had my attention was Karen still standing on the dock. She stayed there for a minute watching me recede, then turned around, forgot that she was supposed to be graceful and shuffled back into town, shoulders slumped and hands in her pockets.

Surprisingly, that sweet boy didn't start whining about leaving her behind. He played it smart appealing to my weak spot – cold calculation.

"You're making a big mistake here. You know we'll never find one as good as her again."

"Now how do I know that? Lots of fish in the sea."

"Yeah. And few of 'em bite on our bait."

But Karen was the only thing I had even a touch of regret about leaving behind. Taking stock of the last year, I counted up gaining – and losing – a wife and then a lover, going from being a rising star to being the town bum, getting strong as an ox, and ending up 250,000G richer than when I'd started. It had been a learning experience trying farming and the small town life. But I'd found out that I just wasn't cut out for the complexities and stresses of living in a small town. I never tried it again. Give me the simple, peaceful city life any day.

Strange the things the mind does sometimes. The whole trip to Edgeport, for some unaccountable reason I was humming this _really stupid_ song from the 1970s.

"_Slugs and snails are after me  
DDT keeps me happy.  
Now I guess I've gotta tell 'em  
that I got no cerebellum.  
Gonna get my Ph.D.!  
I'm a teenage lobotomy!"_

* * *

I disclaim all ownership of _Harvest Moon - Back to Nature_, its characters, setting, etc. etc. etc. I also disclaim ownership of the song _Teenage Lobotomy_. It's the Ramones', man. Those of them that haven't kicked it yet, that is.

I must acknowledge a debt to Red Sonic, whose device of having different personality aspects of Jack duking it out in his marvelous fic The Valentine Conspiracy I have rather shamelessly stolen here. RS – salutes! Readers, don't miss his latest effort - The Sword of God. I mean it. Don't miss it.

Shoutouts? Why play favorites? I appreciate each and every one of you that hit that little 'review' button. God bless, and good night.


	10. Two Letters

Heart Fades to Black

Chapter 10 – Two Letters

* * *

Winter 11, 2049  
Liberty City

Dear Karen,

I hope this finds you well in body and spirit and that the problems with your sons that you'd mentioned in your last letter have been resolved. I've no complaints for myself. You might be surprised to be getting a real letter from me in addition to my usual holiday card, but I never adequately responded to your letter of some time ago and I feel I owe you one.

Actually, this isn't exactly a reply to that letter. It's that a very odd thing happened this week. I ran into Cliff. He's in a pretty bad way - he's living on the streets and has been for some time now. We had dinner together and I offered him help, which he refused for reasons he did not state but which we can both guess. I've not seen him since – perhaps he left town after finding out I lived here.

The encounter got me thinking back to that year in Mineral Village – gosh, nearly 30 years ago now – and I went sentimental on myself and did a queer thing. I wrote up something akin to my memoirs of that year. So the main reason I'm writing is to ask if you're interested in reading them. I must warn you that I wrote rather honestly, indeed bluntly, leaving nothing out – and rest assured that I was as unsparing of myself as of anyone else. So if you'd rather not see them, I would understand completely.

But if it would interest you to read them, please let me know and we'll work out some secure way for me to get them to you. That I think is necessary – I'm not sure how much you've told your husband of your past but I can imagine that he'd be disturbed at reading some of the events of that year – even with them being so long ago. And whatever you decide, I of course wish you and yours a peaceful and joyful holiday season.

Love,  
Jack

* * *

Winter 17, 2049  
Citrus Valley

Dear Jack,

It's always good to hear from you and if you have no complaints then I know you're not on your deathbed as I know it'd take at least that to get as much as a mild whine out of that stoic mouth of yours. My husband is on the road for most of this winter, leaving the matter of the boys in my hands _as usual._ It looks as if Ralph will be able to get heavily supervised probation _if he'll keep his mouth shut and follow the script_, but Tommy was in too deep and will probably be going away for awhile. I'd like to think it might scare him straight but I know he's too set in his ways to change now.

That Cliff would end up that way does not surprise me in the least. He always had it in him and frankly I wouldn't have thought he was still alive. And if we're going to hash over old times, I _did _finally hear about Popuri's death – from Ann, of course. I suppose the two of you hadn't mentioned it to me before to try and spare me from thoughts of those days. It's sweet of you, but really, when did I ever need to be spared from anything?! I'd like to say I'm sorry for her meeting such a nasty end but I can't really feel much sympathy for her. She lived the life _she_ chose and when a woman like her finally does pick up the wrong man, the results are rough justice of a sort. I've not heard anything about Josephine since she ran away from her. I'd do so hope that _she's_ not living on the streets but being 'brought up' by a mother like that it wouldn't be surprising either. I'm a bit surprised that you haven't gone looking for her (or maybe you have) but I can only assume you know how you want to live _your_ life.

I'm astonished, though, that you were willing to relive that year to the point of writing it down. It's the kind of thing a person like you would want to forget, I would think. Thank you for offering to share with me, but I'm not sure if _I_ want to relive that year in the detail you surely must have written. You see, my romantic streak is not _completely_ dead and when I do think of you, I prefer to do so through the gauzy fuzziness of selective memory. I always want to remember you as that sweet considerate boy who kept smiling as he rolled with the punches he took. And yes, I also like to remember what a firecracker that boy was in bed! Yes, I think it best if we leave it there, so please keep your memoirs to yourself. If I change my mind, I'll let you know.

I hope the holiday season is peaceful and joyful for you also – don't just sit alone in that apartment drinking, OK? Get out and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

Love,  
Karen

FINIS


End file.
